/IgNoReD

To the world I may seem like I have many friends... Yet here I am ignored by the very people that I am close to... SMS messages not replyed - I replyed you yet you chose to relay the message through someone else... Presence ignored - I was beside you yet you chose to chat with someone else on the phone... Played out - I asked you out, you first agreed, and then you went back on your words and chose to go out with someone else... So what am I to you? Someone you call when you haev no one else? I may appear to have many friends, but yet how many are true? When we hang out and talk, it is always about someone else... How am I suppose to know you better if you do not talk about yourself to me? I do not need to hear about others... Neither am I your personal news caster, updating you about mutual friends... Why is it that nothing deeper is discussed or brought up between us? When we chill, I always feel like the third wheel... Sometimes I do wonder if my presence is even needed... You seem so happy with the rest, you do not need me... I always end up in my own little world, while you are in your world with your friends... I am but just the intruder... You say we are friends, I feel more like strangers... I made plans, you can always suggest better, but no you just chose to be out of it all, and turn your back on me and hang out with someone else... I wanted to spend time with you, but you wanted otherwise... I was so glad that we are going out, but you apparently did not want to... Why did not you say so? Why did you agree in the first place? If you do not want to go out with me, fine... Just say so... Don't need to patronise me...

So fine. I give up. I don't want to do the initiation anymore. I am tired. Tired of being ignored, tired of trying so hard. I tried so hard and do all these planning and stuff, and yet I end up getting rejected. I am tired of all these. You fear rejection. So do I. You think I am that secured? I am not. I may appear to be stronger than everyone else, but you do not know how vulnerable I am. I may be that crazy spontaneous spark. But a spark is just a spark! When the energy is gone, it will die off too...

You come to me when you need something... You push everything to me... Yeah it may be "treasured work"... Yeah I may have good memory... I may be efficient etc etc... Whatever you have decided to label me with... Yeah you will come to me... You will seek me to give you an answer, a decision, whatever you need, I am sure to most probably have it right? Well... I don't... And I am tired of telling you "I don't know"... When I say that, you give me that weird look... As if Miss Know-it-all suddenly don't know... Well I am not Miss Know-it-all... That's just a label you have put on me... I am me... And I don't have all the answers to all your problems...

When you need someone, I try my best to be there... When you need something, I try my best to provide... Whenever, wherever, I tried my best to meet your needs... This may be selfish of me, but I have needs too, I want you to be there when I need you too... But you weren't... You chose to /ignore me... So now I am telling you that before you can /ignore me, I will do that to you... I don't want to hurt... I don't want to cry myself to sleep every night... I am ignoring you...

You made the choice yourself. You want to spend time with someone else? Go ahead, it's fine by me... After all who am I to say anything... I don't care anymore... I don't need your attention... I don't need you... You decided, you chose it to be like this... Don't blame me... You made your own choices, no one force you or coerced you to do so... So too bad!