New Year. New Start. Restart.

It's been years since I had blogged. (Do people still read blogs?) Anyway, whether anyone reads these posts that I am posting, I made this decision to maintain this at the very least for 2016. It's a new year and a new beginning. I may be 7 days late, but it's never too late to do a restart. So caught up was I, with building my career and busy with the littlest things in life, I had stopped collecting my reflections and thoughts seriously. This year, I am determined not to let busyness overshadow what is important. This shall become a platform to simply allow myself to chart my journey and growth; if my journey inspires you, do let me know. Hopefully and prayerfully, may I be an inspiration to you who read my entries.

这一秒开始相信，幸福就会靠近...

有时候会想，我的幸福几时才会靠近...
看到朋友们双双对对的... 为他们高兴...
但偶尔也会感到一丝丝的羡慕...
会想，我还要等多久呢？
我的幸福会降临吗...

前几天和朋友闲聊...
她突然问到： "Have I missed the boat?"

有时会觉得如果我不那么执着与我的理想...
不那么stubborn... 也许，就也许吧，我的幸福早就到了...

但我相信我的天父，疼爱我的天父，不会让我的幸福流失的...

p/s: the picture is from this taiwanese artist i stumbled upon when i googled 幸福 for images... this is his blog http://wein0202.blogspot.com/

Proud to be a Singaporean

In all my 25 years as a Singaporean, I have never felt more for this little island I call home... Maybe it is the spectacular National Day Parade this year... Maybe it is the fact that I know at 8.22pm today, everyone who bothered, said the pledge together as a nation... Or maybe it is the fact that having reached a quarter of a decade old, I am learning to appreciate my home better... There were times when I did feel that we could have done better... However, it is not because of how terrible the governance of this nation is... Far from that... It is how ugly we Singaporeans can become when we are not on this tiny red dot we call home... I've seen my fare share of ugly Singaporean behaviors... Some times, I wished that those people do NOT hold on to the red passport and disgrace the nation... Because, I really want to be proud of my country...

I give thanks for the leadership of this nation... Without Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew, Singapore wouldn't be where we are today... Of course, there were the other forefathers of this government that fought alongside MM Lee... But no one can deny the fact that MM Lee is the impetus, the catalyst, the force behind it all... Sometimes I shudder at the thought of what would happen to this nation when the generations that grow up forget who and what MM Lee has done and sacrificed for this tiny country...

I thank God, for His sovereignty and grace upon this land... I thank God for the leaders He has placed to govern the nation... I thank God that the government has remained incorruptible and righteous... I thank God that He has seen us through many trials and tribulations and we have indeed SURVIVED... The cabinet of ministers may not believe in the same God as I do, but I just want to thank God for them!

Really appreciated the fantastic NDP2009... Really made me feel super patriotic with the videos of the motivational speeches by our prime ministers during their term... Well done!

seeing things God's way - Kingdom Value

it is easy or comfortable when changes abound. no one likes the uncertainty changes brings. however, the only constant thing in this world is CHANGE. we can never stop changing. to improve, to grow, we need to change and evolve with time. whatever don't kill us, makes us stronger. and i believe and always maintain the fact that i know that our God, the almighty, the omnipotent, all knowing One, will never stretch us beyond what we can take. i always like the analogy that we are like rubber bands, we need to be constantly stretched to achieve greater capacity.

the YouthNet is returning back to its roots of being the Youth Ministry. i thank God for this move. in fact, i somehow did wish that this move happened a little earlier. (it might have saved a few broken hearts) but, we must never live in regrets. so let's just look ahead! this returning back to the roots, the fundamentals of what the YouthNet had always set out to do is shaking the whole network up. and some might be uncomfortable with it. yet, i am thankful for this shaking and stirring. it really helps check our hearts!

looking at the way things are right now. i did question my relevance in all of this. i mean, i have the passion for the next generation. but the immediate next generation might not be the group that i can outreach to effectively. when i was listening to SP today during the meeting, the question of me being effective in the areas where i have been placed in came in. if you ask me if i have the passion for the next generation, i can safely say that i have a heart for them. but if you ask me if i can effectively consolidate them, i am not sure. when we were in the comfortable place where nothing was going to change, i could play the supporting role of helping the rest build their cells first. however, now as the question is posed. how effective am i as a youth ministry worker. i had my doubts. somehow, communicating with the teens poses a problem to me. and i guess because of that, i had been comfortable just helping maintain the administrative part of the platform i'm in. so when the stirring and shaking came, i did question how relevant am i to the youth work today.

i don't want to scramble to look for a platform to serve the youths just so that i can stay in the comfort of YouthNet. neither do i want to miss God's hand and move on too fast. i want to do what God wants me to do.

i am thankful for the way the YouthNet has brought up the next generation. i look around and am glad that the leaders i know have never once spared me from the discipline i needed. i am thankful that because they love, i have built a strong foundation in my walk with the Lord. i want to see the same thing inculcated in me to be nurtured in the next generation. so that when they grow up, they will be godly men and women.

i believe God is testing everyone of our hearts right now. i want to see longevity within the ministry i serve in, though there is never permanence, i believe that the Lord wants to use us to touch the lives of the youths we come into contact with. we serve, because the Lord called us and availed us to serve. when He moves the people out, it is not because of our incompetence, but simply because the season is up. and maybe my season with the youths is up. but i believe that the Lord has been preparing me for the next season of my life - the children. God hasn't developed my skill set in handling and managing children on a daily basis for nothing. i may grumble and moan about how difficult my students are, yet with the changes coming in place, i am beginning to see things with a different perspective. God is remolding me to become a new pot. a vessel He can use to impact the lives of the next, next generation. and with the new service, more volunteers are needed for barnabas club. not really sure if that's where God is calling me to be now. but will continue to pray about it. "Lord, here i am. Use me."

the challenges are laid out. can we see things God's way? can we be found good stewards of God who understands the importance of Kingdom Value.

accountability

really thank God for the people He has placed in my life... especially my leaders... recent events has made me even more thankful and grateful for their presence in my life...

thank God that He has placed them over me not to lord over me, but to guide me and keep me accountable for my words and actions...

some people don't see the importance of having leaders to keep us accountable... however, i beg to differ... having someone to account to reflects a lot on our character... if one is willing to account to someone in authority for his/her life, it shows that this person is not just a responsible person, but a humble one at that too... someone filled with pride would not like to account his/her life to someone else... accountability is part and parcel of life...

in our workplace, we account to our bosses... they are the ones who review us and keep us in check with out KPIs... even if we are our own boss, we are accountable to our clients... the things we promise to deliver, it is our responsibility to deliver them...

in school, we account to our teachers... they teach and guide us in our path to knowledge... they may not be the best teachers, but i believe that they do have our interest in their hearts... they do desire to see us graduate well and do well in life...

at home, we account to our parents/spouse/children... growing up, we live under our parents' roof... they protect and guide our ignorant steps... their ways may not necessarily be the best, but they have the best interests for us... we account to them as to when we will be back home, if we'd be home for dinner, who we're with... just to show them that we are growing up to be responsible people... when one is married, he/she is accountable to their spouse... need i say anymore on this point? you choose to be united as one and so to move as one, you ought to know what the other party is thinking right? otherwise, how can it be considered a marriage? and when you have children, you are accountable to them to just as we as children are accountable to our parents... we need to provide a sense of stability and security for our children so that they can grow up to learn to trust and be responsible young people too...

i hope that i am definitely found to be someone who has learnt to be accountable to God through the people He has placed in my life...

Thank God for my leaders and bosses!

the wellspring of life

psalm 4:23

above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. (niv)

keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts. (msg)

guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (nlt)

these words are so true. after all these years in my walk as a christian, i thank God that He has helped me preserve the thing that is most important - my heart. there are times when i've strayed away from the flock. when my walk with God was just simply down in the dark alleys of life. but each time, God brought me back through His grace and mercy. 

no one promised a life that is a bed of roses after i accepted Christ. i knew from the onset that this journey that i had embarked on was a treacherous one. for mr. t.e.o. (the evil one) would try all ways to prevent me from walking the path of light. there were a couple of times when mr. t.e.o. would succeed in dragging me down to the muds. however, i thank God that my leaders have taught me well and led me well. so much so that each time i committed a transgression. i know that i can come clean to my leaders to find myself back in the community of God's people. no doubt, i may not be restore to my former glory immediately. i still have to face the consequences of sin. but each time that i strayed (thank God that it was only a few). but each time that i have been disobedient. i know that when i repent at the foot of the cross, there is forgiveness and restoration to be found. however, to prevent myself from falling into that same pit all over again. i need to do as the proverb says. above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. 

just as pastor said the other day in his sermon. the heart of the matter is the matter of the heart. until our lives is touched, our lives would not change. i was reminded of my journey thus far. and i rejoice at the fact that by God's grace, i am able to still be found in the house of the Lord, with His people, with a tender sincere heart. for a broken spirit and a contrite heart, He will not despise.

recent events have made me thank God even more for the fact that i am still found standing in the spiritual community that i've started out with nearly 7 years ago. i thank God that through the past transgressions during my walk with God. He has found my heart to be teachable and humble. i thank God that He still want to work on this heart of mine. thank God that through the journeys, my heart had not hardened towards His teachings. and i thank God that He has never given up on me, even when I gave up on myself back then. i thank God for placing patient and loving leaders around me to see me through the painful but necessary "open" heart surgeries. thank God that never once did my leaders and cell sisters pass their judgement and condemned me. thank God that my leaders in their wisdom and obedience to His word guided me back. thank God that my leaders dealt with each issue instilling and reinforcing the fear of the Lord and the love for His children. 

looking back on the past years, i saw many windows of opportunity for me to leave this community. in retrospect, i thank God that He has never let me go. for most part it was simply my own humanly foolishness and spiritual blindness then. i thank God that though there were times when i felt that God has forsaken me, never once did He leave me. i am really thankful that i am still here and serving.

within the last 6 months, the Lord has sifted through this lot of seeds. some of my cell sisters left the fold, as consequences of the sins committed and their own choice. it saddens my heart to see my friends whom i had grown up with leave. yet i knew that if they do not learn from this lessons, their hearts would harden even more than it already has. and like the little yeast that can cause the whole dough to rise, so can the little rebellion cause the rest of us to stumble and fall. that kind of consequence, causing others to sin too, would be more than what anyone could bear. and i thank God that in His sovereign plans, there were the ones who were left behind, the ones who soldier on shoulder to shoulder for the glory of God.

to say that throughout the sieving and weeding out, to see my friends and best friend be cut off, didn't hurt would be a lie. to say that it did not affect my walk would be untrue. i loved these friends of mine. and i still do. i want the best for them. i love my friends, but that doesn't mean that i would condone the act of sin. i love the sinner, not the sin. and when discipline is dealt and the person still doesn't take heed and harden their heart even more. there is the need to cut of the person off from the community in hope that the person's soul would be saved. 

like what was shared during sermon on sunday. no one wants to sin against the Lord. but once we've fallen once and are not repentant and do not flee from the temptations. then we will begin to develop a hardened heart. repeat the process over and over again and the heart will be calloused and it will be even harder. yet, when we humble ourselves and resolute to not sin again, with a pure and sincere heart, we prevent ourselves from the possibility of repeating the same sin. 

thank God for my sisters who remain faithful and strong. thank God that at the end of the day, the earth may shake under us, the winds may rattle us, but we can be found with a teachable and tender heart. i thank God for each of you remaining. may we press on together. to receive the final prize - the crown of life. =D

i pray that my friends who left the community find reconciliation with our Father in heaven. i pray that God in His sovereign and wise ways, guide these lost sheep back to His fold. i pray Lord that these friends of mine will once again allow their hearts to be tender and soft towards You and come back to be at Your feet Lord Jesus. 

i believe that the Lord will see the condition of our hearts and take action as necessary. and when God gives us a new heart, we need to guard the new heart as proverbs 4:22 says. above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

longing for rain...

can't stand the weather of late... why is it so damn hot? argh... i think i just burnt myself from just simply walking from the bus stop home... gosh! wish it would just rain... longing for the rain to bring down the rising temperature...