Pastor Victor prayed this for me. He did not know my course of study, so I guess he does not know how much those words touched me. {God really loves me alot.} This I know. I can't really remember the exact words used throughout the prayer. In fact I cannot remember the prayer, but this is the gist of the vision Ps Victor saw...
I was on a stage, darkness all around me and all the spotlight is on me. I did not seem to enjoy the attention given. I appeared afraid and nervous. But this is a stage, a pulpit, where my voice is heard. I need not fear as God is shining His light on me, and I can have my security in Him. Something about me being different, and reflecting God's light into the world around me. Something about me using my big voice...
I really don't know what it meant, I am not even sure whether I am even remembering it right. But upon meditation, I realised that it is rather true of the situation I am in right now. I mean as a drama student I should be adoring the limelight and attention, basking in it all. But I am NOT...
I actually hate the extra attention showered upon me by my lecturers, dislike the fact that I am more outspoken than my counterparts, abhor the titles that has been bestowed upon me...
I did not want to hold any form of leadership position in my course. Not the slightest bit. Though I do like being in control, but this is something I wish I could squirm out of. My classmates and seniors dislike me, just because I am the more outspoken, high achiever I am. It is not as if I wanted it. I would very much not want to be level representative and relinquish all the extra responsibilities that come with it. I very much would like to be in the background.
Something my classmate said once has made me very aware of things happening in school for me. She said that I was the teacher's pet. Generally my lecturers like me, well I guess it is because I am spontaneous, interactive, engage in the discussions and have the edge over my classmates because of my passion and work harder than them. But I never ever saw myself as the teacher's pet. I thank God I find favour in my lecturers' eyes. That does not mean their expectations of me are slacker, but in fact I think I feel more stressed. But anyway I just don't like the spotlight. Don't like the unwanted attention. Was sharing the feelings I have about it on wednesday at Bible Study with Pastor Debra. Now I am more assured of God's word to me: RELY ON HIM. FOR HE IS MY STRENGTH AND TOWER OF SUPPORT.
"I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
It is as simple as that I think and as Pastor Debra puts it... [Pray.] I simply just have to wait on Him. Learning to be a Mary in a Martha world.
