Worry No More

It has not been easy these past few days. I have my fears and trepidations, all these doubts that keep coming up. Maybe I just simply worry too much. So much so that I do not know how to categorise these feelings I am having. I do not even know what exactly I am feeling. I want to enjoy my singlehood, but when my schedule is not as packed as I liked it to be, there is a sense of loss, as if I am not making full use of every moment I have. Right now I do not even know where exactly the problem lies. I had long handed in the eraser of my life to God, writing my plans in pencil and allowing God to erase my plans. So why am I feeling like this?

I think my problem lies with the fact that I think too much. My over-active limbic system worry about everything, things within my control and those outside my control. I simply worry too much and go into panic mode when things are not exactly right. So I think that is why I am at such a loss. Not because I cannot give it up to God, but because I give it up and then take it back again when I feel that I am not in control. I am a control freak, God help me. I have simply forgotten how to simply trust in God.

I can see His disappointment in all the other aspects, so why not here? God has proved His providence in my life in every other aspect of my life. I want to trust in His providence in these aspects too. I know that He will provide, 'cause He promised. He has proved for so many before me, so I know I can put my trust in Him in terms of all my relationships. God, I just want to trust in You with that simple faith I used to have. That childlike faith that has seen me through. O Lord give me that simple faith once more. I know that You will provide.

Lord I will turn my worry into meditation. "When one thinks about a problem over and over in his/ her mind, that's called worry. When one thinks about God's word over and over in his/ her mind, that's meditation." So I will do just that for "the Lord is my shepherd; I shall not be in want." Because the more I think about God's word, the less I'll think about my worries.