i m exhausted... this is only the third day of school... and i m EXHAUSTED... gosh... i m wondering if i can survive this last semester... my graduating semester... *sigh* but i will persevere on... this is what the Lord has called me to do... so i shall grit my teeth and just bear with the crazy heavy schedule... and i shall stop whining about how tiring school is... well... i shall after i end this entry... heehee...
school started on 3rd Jan... and it started off with dance class... may be it was all the holiday goodies... maybe it is the lack of exercise during the holidays due to the busy schedule of work... but the cardio-aerobic warm up sequence almost killed me... was able to hold the plank position for as long as needed... but i barely held on for 40secs... and the crunches... it was such a breeze last semester... this semester, i was in pain by the 8th set... oh gosh... how unhealthy have i become over the holidays??? arrggghhhhh....
after dance class, as strenuous as it was, i survived and was able to have enough energy to still practice it one last time for safety and memory sake... but rehearsal for chekov sapped away whatever last energy i have in me... we had to do RUSSIAN FOLK DANCE!!!! thank God i took Russian character dance when i was doing ballet... but our director, Mary Tear, is a physical theatre director... thus we not only had to do the Russian dance steps... we had to do all our various falls and fight sequences... by all accounts... none of these were relaxing at the very least... by the end of the rehearsals, i was deadbeat...
and that was just my FIRST day!!!!
Thank God 2nd day was slightly less strenuous... but still as tiring... cos we still had rehearsals on the 2nd day of school! Today, is by far, the most relaxing of the past three days... Arts Management in the morning, theory class... so it was simply sitting there and listening to the lecturer... answering her questions from time to time... which required NO movements... then we had singing... which was also rather light, probably the only thing that had much to do was my vocal cords and diaphragm... after which, my friends and i had a loooong lunch at Parkway, as lecturer Yu-Beng wasn't here for our 1st class... and finally, my school day ended with voice lesson... which was relatively brainless and movement-less today...
but probably due to the fact that i lost sleep last night... due to a cyst on the bottom of my right upper eyelid, causing me loads of pain and discomfort, so much so that i was still awake at 3am... and waking up at 6.30am to go to school so that i won't be late for my 9am class halfway around the island... yeah... woke up with bloodshot eyes and looking rather pale and listless... i looked so terrible that some of my school mates who saw me thought i am ill... haha... but Thank God i ended my day with cell at Mel's place... a much needed spiritual boost and rest... it is comforting to end a busy day just dwelling in the Lord's presence and seeking Him... also nice to end the day in fellowship with my spiritual family... a refreshing change of environment from school...
The Lord is my sustainer.
am reading this book called Drawing Near by John Bevere... it is a really insightful book... and reflecting upon the words in the book... i now realise the dangers that we as believers are exposed to... i mean, these dangers can go undetected... like how we can be thinking that we love God... but not realise that we are only in love with the what God can do for me... we might just fall into the trap of loving the blessings more than the Blesser... i thank God that He has allowed me this priviledge to realise the existance of this trap... i was checking myself... and i agree with the author on this point... when we have that burning bush experience, encountering God in His full glory and awesome-ness... we would tend to desired the Lord Himself more than His promised blessings... but there are those who love God conditionally... when their desires are elevated over His heart or presence... they are happy and thankful as long as God is doing what they want when they wnat it and unhappy whenever God isn't doing what they want when they want it... i happened to fall into the second category of people before encounter weekend... and ever since then, i can say that i have begin to find myself getting into the first category of God's people...
why am i so confident to say that i am beginning to find myself in the first category?
well... this confidence is not in myself... but in God... i must say that the Lord has revealed so many of His promises to me in the past three years of serving Him that it is hard to turn away from Him... i am not saying there are no low periods since then... like Moses, i do get frustrated, i do come to my wits' end while serving Him... but the Lord has graciously shown me time and time again that He loves me unconditionally... that He loves me just as i am... that nothing i can do would make Him love me any more or any less...
there has been many downs and ups in these past few years... but without fail, God always assures me of His love for me... and because He first love me, that i can love Him back... that i am even given this priviledge to bless Him... i thank God that He has allowed me to see God beyond being Jehovah Jireh... i thank God that through the years, He has romanced me and ransomed me, allowing me to see Him as simply God... in all His glory and splendor... i thank God that i am His chosen... that He has hand picked me to love Him for who He is and not for what He can do for me... i thank God for the revelation that i am blessed not because of what i have done, but because He chooses to bless me... i thank God that i am able to come thirsty to Him and when i draw near to Him, He comes even nearer... i thank God for choosing to allow me to dwell in His presence...
Thank You God...
Thank You for inviting me into Your presence...
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