well... i pricked my finger on saturday evening... slept the whole day... guess last week was a little too tiring for me... the only reason i managed to sleep 16 hours straight without waking up is because i was so dead tired... and i guessed i just wanted to run away from some stuff that i cannot handle... i just wanted to sleep all my troubles away... but what was i to know? when i woke up and i wanted to pick something up from my floor, i pricked my right thumb and index finger on some unidentified objected... and that something is still lodged in my index finger till today... sigh...
i love to window shop, but when i have to try on something, i tend to hate shopping... i guess i get depress after all that trying on of clothes... it's always like... how come some girls can find clothes so easily, but i have so much problem finding clothes that i like that will fit me... sigh... that's when i get upset and just regret going shopping totally... ha... if anyone asks me after a sad day of ungratifying shopping what i dislike about my body, i would say that it is my chunky thighs... my big hips... my flat and wide feet... yada yada... and the list goes one... one thing i hate is buying bottoms... singaporean sizes are not very flattering on the ego... it makes me feel terrible about myself... if i were to go to dorothy perkins, topshop or m & s... i wouldn't have a problem finding clothes that fit... but they are damn expensive... sigh... then there are those dreadful shoe shops, where they only display the common sizes... so much so that i hate asking the sales person for my shoe size... it is especially terrible if i end up trying a couple of pairs and not buying any... the daggers would come out... and i would feel terrible...
but enough of me dreading CNY shopping... on the whole, i still managed to get clothes that i like eventually... cos i went on a sorta shopping spree last night... bought two pairs of shoes from charles & keith... a pair of red heels and a pair of khaki flats... bought a blessed tee shirt from the christian pushcart at J8... expensive... but i simply like it... bought a cream top with gold details from ebase... that's about it... the day before that, i went out with von and des... bought two bottoms... a green pleated skirt... and a pair of dark coloured jeans... spent slightly over $200 in all... just nice... within my budget... =) guess it is not that difficult for me to manage my finances well... one of my new year resolution is to manage my finances better... and so far so good... haha...
i can't wait for the day i get the car... my parents applied for a loan for a suzuki swift... i am praying hard that the loan gets approved... which means after CNY i will get to drive a car around and no longer have to squeeze in dreadful buses during rush hours.. and it also means that i will be able to drive my friends cum neighbours for service or other church stuff... or simply go out in the late nights for supper with the la kopi gang or the others, without worrying about transportation... until the loan gets approved, i can only dream... :) maybe i should just put that picture of that suzuki swift in lilac in my dream book... haha...
another of my new year resolution was to guard my heart well... i guess... i am trying to guard my heart so hard that the friendships i have with some of my guy friends would probably begin to feel the strain... but i guess this is an approach i have to take before i find myself liking them more than simply platonic friends... i am being overly cautious here... but i guess prevention is better than cure... i cannot allow myself to spoil a perfectly fine friendship because i develop romantic feelings for my guy friend due to proximity... i do not think such relationship will last as it is not because i truly like him, but more like i am comfortable around him... i am a perfectionist... and anything less than the best that God has for me will not do... and because the heart is deceiving above all else... i have to guard it even more... i need to translate head knowledge into heart work... or else i will end up hurting myself and thwarting God's plans for me... this may sound silly, but i feel a need to honour God by guarding my heart... for i need to love my King first and foremost... my God is a jealous God... and should there be another in my heart, it would break His heart... until the day that i can truly say that God takes first place above all things, even my husband-to-be... i will never be ready for a relationship... because i might forget my first love... being distant from my closer guy friends might seem a little drastic... but i believe that all friendships are blessings from God... and if i can let go of the blessings and focus on the Blesser, only then can i be truly called "blessed"... and i believe that the Lord only has plans to prosper me... not to harm me... so by giving up my friendships to the Lord, i believe that He will take care of everything else... because everything is on loan from God... i am simply a steward of the things He has placed in my charge... if i take care of the things that i am called to take care of well... only then will i be called a good and faithful servant at the end of the day... that's my goal... i may sound as if i am spouting nonsense... that i am being incoherent... but these words simply reflect what i am thinking... at the end of the day, i might not show that much concern over some of my guy friends, but it does not mean that i don't care about them... but i simply will not want to be too emotionally connected with them so that i do not end up feeling all funny inside... sound illogical... but i guess you would need to be in my shoes to understand... i strongly believe that i am a princess who belongs to the King of Kings... and that He has chosen the one that He has had long planned for me... He only wants the best of the bests for me... and i simply have to be patient and carry out my duties in a manner befitting of a princess... only then will my prince come... =) someday my prince will come... and this prince of mine is chosen by my Daddy, the King of Kings... =)
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