just came back from cell not too long ago... cell was good today... not that cell has not been good... but today's cell is special... it's been awhile since we all presented ourselves before each other, before the Lord so broken and contrite... we all may appear to have a somewhat strong and happy exterior... but behind each of our strong exterior hides the broken and contrite heart that we all bear... and to see my fellow sisters being real before the Lord and this family... it is simply humbling...
throughout this week, i feel that the Lord has allowed all the trials and tribulations to come to mould me... i mean reflecting upon the things that have happened this week... i think i have grown... i thank God for His strength that has seen me through... and i know there is still a long way to go to grow more like Jesus... indeed verse 9 from 2 Corinthians 12 has never ring so true... His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect when I am week... only in our weaknesses is the Lord's strength most evident... thank God for His grace and mercy... for His gentleness and kindness... if not i doubt i would have been able to survive this week...
been doing a lot of thinking... i used to believe strongly that guys and girls can maintain strictly platonic frienships... but as i grow older.. as i get to know some guy friends deeper than others... i find myself sharing things that i wouldn't share with other guys... and i think it is not good for me... i mean... when we share certain things in our lives with our friends, there are certain emotional attachments... and with that comes certain expectations... and often such friends end up being familiars that remain in our comfort zones... for friendships with girls, it is perfectly okay... cos i mean, i would never ever develop romantic feelings for them... but for friendships with guys, i am beginning to have my doubts... i mean, i have been very much like a "brother" to them... i am one of the guys... but then being the girl that i am, sometimes i can't help wondering if i am not attached because i have such good guy friends that i hang out with that guys who don't really know me well enough, but knows me do not dare to approach me because they think i m attached... haha... silly me... yet i can't help but to review all my friendships... i guess, apart from me trying to guard my own heart... i would need my spiritual brothers to help me guard mine too... so fellow brothers who are reading this... help me guard my heart ok? it would definitely protect yourself... i am a girl who can be really good friends with people... but my heart is really vulnerable when i open my heart out...
why i say what i said above is because it is something that i think the Lord is warning me about... there have been signs and signals that the Lord has been giving me... that's why i am saying what i said... i seriously need to guard my own heart... i believe that the Lord will provide... but until the day i obey His voice and draw my lines more clearly in my friendships with my guy friends, i don't think i would ever be ready for the guy the Lord is to provide... i simply have to let go of my friendships and let God take care of everything...
thank You Lord for Your promises... for the covenant You've given to me... thank You Lord... i am indeed blessed!!!
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