Yield to God's timetable

it's been a long time since i last blogged... haven't felt the urge to blog until today... some how i felt the need to blog... to journal my feelings today... because i need to remember it... until the day it is fulfilled...

His timing is always perfect

"if this is pruning Lord, please make it a little less painful... i dunno how long i can last... this aching pain is a little to much to bear... i am afraid i might just turn cold..." this was a silly statement i made while going through a season in life... sometimes, i am really unsure of what the Lord wants me to learn out of the whole process... but He is revealing it to me as i seek Him...

was reading the word on Our Journey just a moment ago... and realised that it is indeed a season of pruning for me, just as what Von said... i have probably yet to learn to have that patient trust in the Lord, thus this season of pruning...

"Patience is a learned spiritual art—perhaps one of the hardest ones to find active in our lives... Patience is the skill of waiting well, of yielding our timetables to others and—most important—to the Lord..." i guess i simply have a lot to learn about being patient... living in this time and age where almost everything is instantaneous... instant noodles, instant messaging, shorter flights from point A to B, news from half way around the world is available the other side of the globe almost immediately... things now a days are available almost twice the speed or faster than it was available in the past... that is probably why some of us, me include, want instant patience... haha... if patience is instantaneous, it would not be patience anymore...

there are various things in my life that i would much rather it be granted to me at a faster speed... relationships, with friends, with God... it is easy to make friends... but to maintain a friendship, to bring it to a deeper level... it all requires time... and i am probably not someone who is patient enough... i have a lot of friends... but the people i am closer to are people who made an effort to make this friendship a deeper one... this is an area i need to grow...

then there is the BGR kinda situation... sometimes i am left wondering what is it about me that my guy friends seem to overlook me when they look for a match... maybe i am simply thinking too much... but i am not the gentle, sweet kind of girl that most guys like... and as much as friends may say that in His time God will provide, and i definitely believe that God will provide... i cannot help but wonder if there is anything wrong with me... this is probably an area the Lord wants to mould me in... it is an area in my life that keeps recurring... each time i think that i have let go to God... a new set of challenges comes up... and as much as it is pruning... i am afraid that i might just give up being who i am and conform to the world's view of what girls should be like - the quiet, demure kind of girl... i might just give up being me... being the vivacious, crazy girl i am... i am afraid i might lose who i am eventually when i grow tired of waiting and i have yet to grow in this aspect... i am afraid that i might settle for something less than the best of God...

O Lord, guard my heart and guard it well... I know You won't stretch me beyond what I can bear... I am willing to be prune by You... but Lord, help me endure the pain, for I am afraid I might just give up on this blessing that You have for me when I come out of this season as You have planned... Father I want to bear more fruits for You... So I give You the freedom to prune me... I want to yield to Your timetable... Because Your timing is always perfect... Help me grow in patience, in gentleness... Help me be less guarded, less critical of myself... For I know I am Your Beloved, I am Your Chosen... Thank You Lord for never giving up on me...
For I am Regina Elon Hephzibah... Regina meaning Crowned with Honour... Elon meaning God Loves Me... Hephzibah meaning My Delight Is In Her (Isaiah 62:4)... Thus I am a princess of the King of Kings... I am crowned with honour, beloved by Him and I am his delight...

We want to be our own god...

Was reading the passage and word for quiet time on our journey today... the words written are so true... how often have I placed myself in the centre, enthroning me and dethroning God... I am reminded once again how selfish I have become over the years... Thinking that I have been dethroning myself and enthroning God... But how often have I made empty promises to God so that I could claim His blessings in my life? How often have I been feeding my control addiction with the drug of manipulation? How often have I allowed my egocentrism to rule my life?

I have been denying the desire I have to be God... I have been living in disillusion... On one hand I am believing that I am preaching and practicing what I preach... To put God in the centre and everything else would fall into place nicely...

Ha! How foolish have I been to believe that I am indeed practicing this truth! What a liar I have been to myself... It may be true that I have place God in the centre most of the time... Yet from time to time, I would dethrone Him and put myself on the throne, especially when things don't go the way I wish it would be... How foolish am I O Lord... To think that I can outdo You! Lord... Forgive me....

Revelation 4:2-10 illustrated clearly this theory... I shouldn't term it a theory... I should say that it is a lifestyle... To live a life where everything else in existence is accurately described only in its relationship to the throne of God... The centre of all existence is God upon His throne...

Today's revelation is to learn to view life fromt he vantage point of the one who spoke it into existence... to have the "mind of Christ" as written in 1 Corinthians 2:16... To lay it before the throne of God and with prayers move the challenges of life from our own insecurities and uncertainties on earth to the throne of God in the heavenly realm... it's only in this way are we able to see beyong the present and look at what is to come with hope, depending not on our own strength but putting our dependence on our Lord God Almighty... To cast the crowns of our life before His throne... To approach the throne of life with confidence...

Come to His courts, with praise on our lips...

Our hearts, and our minds, and our souls worship Him...

Bow on our knees, lift up our hands, joining the angels above...

Declaring holy holy is the Lord God Almighty, Who was and is and is to come...

Holy holy is the Lord God Almighty, Who was and is and is to come...

Indeed God is God... Nothing else could take His place... He is Lord God Almighty... He is the great I AM... He is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent... There is nothing in this world, which He has created that the Lord do not know... He is the reason that I live, the reason that I sing with all I am... Because He is God, I can face tomorrow... Because I know, He holds the future... And in Him I can trust fully...

Thanks be to God!!!! I've passed and obtained my driver's licence... I think 24ths are good days... In 2003, May 24th... I was baptised... In 2005, October 24th... I passed my driving test... My God is an amazing God... He allows everything to fall in place so beautifully... Now Expo may be at the other end of the island... But because God is good... I can drive there now... =)

God's graciousness...

Of late, my walk with God has not been good. I have found thousand and one ways to still be able to do the things that makes me appear an obedient servant, but looks can be deceiving. For quite some time already, my walk with God has taken a somewhat downward spiral. I have had been deluding myself, busying myself and finding all sorts of reason to not spend time with my Abba Father.

The idea that Christians lead an easier, better life is a half truth. Indeed, we do lead better life. A life that is more rewarding, a life that is purposeful. However, many do not understand the need for us to come to the cross daily. The need to lay down all our rights and surrender our all to God. The need to listen for His voice and be obedient to His commands. All these requires us to step out of our comfort zone and make sacrifices.

I have for the longest time, know all of this. I have taken those extra step of faith and obeyed Him. I have always known that following Christ is not always easy and that it would cost me something. Something dear to me, something I would hold on to for security. I know the things to do to be the obedient Christian. And I think I have become somewhat a Pharisee.

I have forgotten my first love. I have forgotten why I even serve. I have been so selfish and self-centered. I have sinned against my Lord, enthroned myself and dethroned my King.

However, as much as I have been running away from my Father. He has always been there waiting for me to come back home. He is there with His outstretched arms, welcoming me back with a warm hug and cloaking me with His righteousness. His graciousness and faithfulness to me make me wonder how did I loss my focus on Him and wandered off.

Today's quiet time message on Our Journey talks about how following Him is not always comfortable. How Jesus didn't call us to a happy, comfortable existence. It reminded me about my own selfishness. How I have been caught up with my own agenda and have missed out completely God's agenda.

I thank God that He is God Almighty. If my God is anything but Almighty, He wouldn't have had been as patient and as faithful to me. I thank God that He hasn't gave up on me when I get my priorities wrong. Though my God is such a wonderful patient God, He can get so jealous when our we dethrone Him and enthrone something else in our lives. That's why as a loving Father, He disciplines us when we sin and He will prune us to help us be more like Him.

The past few weeks, I have been hearing voices. These voices weren't from God. I thank God that I was still able to discern between His voice and T.E.O's. I have been far from God and haven't been tuning my spiritual F.M. to His voice for a long long time. But still, He allows me to be able to still discern and know that those voices weren't from Him. Those lies and deceitful thoughts, were from T.E.O.

My gracious Father, allows all these things to happen to make me stronger for Him. Our calling is to suffer. To be broken and contrite before Him, so that people will see Him in us. I need to learn to cherish the pain that comes from both the discipline and the pruning. The pain from discipline will stop once I stop sinning. The pain from pruning is when God is done, so I have to learn to cherish the pain even more. If my Lord, doesn't love me... He wouldn't even bother to prune me. So I thank God for the pruning. It allows me to engage in His destiny for me.

I guess, all these while, I have been deceiving myself into believing that I have changed and died to my old self. However, there is still much pride in me that has yet been relinquished. I still want to be the centre of attention and am still very very self-centered. I have been living a life that would fulfil my own selfish ambitions and neglected the ministry that God has placed under my charge. During these few months of running away from God, of finding every excuse to do the minimal for Him, I have reverted back to my former self. I have gone back to a life of not taking personal responsiblities selectively, pushing the blame to my circumstance or others. I have lost the compassion for His children, I have not been loving God, as I have not been feeding His lambs. I have been so caught up with the doing of things that I have forgotten the heart behind the work.

It is only because God is gracious, that He reminded me through a number of people around me to listen to His voice again. To hear Him saying to me that it is not about what I can or cannot do. It is about what He wants to do through me. It is about Him loving me for who He has created me to be. His love for me is unconditional. He has not called me His child because of what I do, but He calls me His child because He chose to. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Chirst Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2: 8-9) God's intention finally is for us to know Him - to know Him as God Almighty.

I have chosen to follow Jesus, because I have been allowed this choice. I will therefore also choose to obey and be committed to Him. I want to be fully committed to God, not to be selfish but to pay whatever price that is required so that I will follow Him wholeheartedly. Commitment to Jesus requires that we pay the price. And the price today and everyday is to daily pick up the cross and die to myself.

I want to be like Peter, to respond to Jesus in the same manner as he did in John 6:68-69. To stay committed to Jesus. To pay the price, a price that is incremental as time goes on. I want to be broken and contrite so that as Jesus can take me to deeper levels of commitment, I will not turn away because it is painful paying the price, but I will be willing to relinquish my rights to it. To simplu take the step up to the next level, to do the hard but right thing out of obedience to Him and trust Jesus.

it's been a long long time...

it's been a while since i last submitted an entry... gosh was i busy... this must have been the busiest period of my semester... production was driving me nuts... Thank God it's finally over... weeks of not seeing the my block in the sun when i reach home... weeks of lack of sleep and such... it's gonna be over soon... after next week all is well... Thank God...

some times i wonder... if i am too deep... then again... is it just the people around me who are simply dense? i am often left wondering... some how with certain group of friends, i just can't seem to be of similar frequency anymore... there is probably some tuning needed... but still... am wondering if i am simply being an eccentric artiste... they say people who dabble in the Arts are eccentric... so i guess i probably fall into this category... i have this anal retentiveness in me that requires perfection and creativity... but seriously now... i don't really care... i am beginning my two months of hols before my final semester in college... i can't believe it, but time has whizzed pass so quickly... i am ACTUALLY graduating next april!!!

Thanks be to God... i was proposed a job offer by touch youth services to help set up the theatre arts department even before i graduate... just when the future appeared bleak... God just delivers His plans for me at the most unexpected times... i didn't really plan to go to TC for service last sat... but somehow, cos of production and such, i went to TC to worship... nowadays, it's only when i have productions do i worship at TC... so yeah... due to production, i was at TC... just as i was about to enter the auditorium... KS came up to me and asked me when i am graduating... he then told me that he is helping tys start up the theatre arts programme thingy... and asked if i would be interested... so yeah... when everyone else seem to have no job prospects... God is dropping one right before my doorstep... i am still considering... and praying about it... guess if the pay is good... i won't look anywhere else... how often can i mix work with pleasure??? when all the uni graduates have problem looking for a job that befits their cert... i am offered one becoz of my cert...

this just double confirms that this path that i am in... the path of a theatre practitioner is indeed one of His divine plans for me... God is simply just too good to me... i so totally don't deserve it... guess further studies might be put on hold for now... afterall, i should restart and take care of the ministry God has kindly entrusted me with... neglected it for awhile now...

for now... i shall go rest...

On the verge of breakdown 2...

this entry may not sound nice... cos i need an outlet for ranting... before i do really have a breakdown and go berserk...

being in final year of studies can probably be listed as one of my most stressful moments... the amount of assessments, projects and essays are numerous... and it seems as if they are never-ending too...

rehearsals is another factor that is edging me towards insanity... i so do not know what my director wants out of me... seems like basing everything on my actor's instincts is totally contrary of what she wants... yet, she is not communicating her ideas clearly to me... i might run the risk of sounding racist here... but i do believe that the western mindset and the eastern mindset are on two ends of the spectrum... being asian, and chinese, i have the perception of my character, who happens to be a peranakan - therefore asian, based on the people i've encountered with... but being ang moh, my director sees from another perspective... and some how our thoughts about this character are probably liken that of 2 parallel lines that are going in opposite directions... they would never meet... because of this, i am not understanding what she wants from me... so i am stressed...

i enjoy my work with the inmates of Changi... but i am getting irritated and pushed to the edge of my tolerance by my lecturer... supposed that with the title of lecturer, being married and 30 plus... she might have been matured and stable right?? OMG, this was such a misconception on my part! she is the most irritating, childish, annoying, immature adult i have ever come across... gosh... my classmates are always telling me to ignore her provocation... so that's what i do... and that incurs her wrath... thank God that i will only be seeing her for another 2 weeks and it's adieu... she has such a bad name in the intricately, tight-knitted theatre community in Singapore, that i am ashamed to be considered her student... she simply SUX! and pushing the blame onto me for something that she should have done, which i volunteered to do... i was so completely busy through the week that it slipped my mind, and to get her bitchy attitude for it... argh... i apologised for my mistake and in return, she put her hand to my face, giving me the talk-to-my-hand attitude... well... whatever... i dun care... i took up personal responsibility to admit to my mistake and to receive such a response... aiya... she SUX... she can go rot and stink up her own corner... but don't come pollute and tarnish my name... i have the tag of being hardworking and trustworthy in all my other lecturers' eyes... so she can just scoot off and cry somewhere...

i should be unaffected by such stuff... take things in its stride... slow down and smell the flowers... but i am simply too stressed to do so... i am rather high-strung now... i simply need to better manage my emotions i suppose... but it seems that swallowing the unpleasant things that i am dealt with has a limit too... i guess i just gotta learn to let go and know that it's okay to get upset and scream... but for now... i shall sleep my troubles away...

God into Your hands I commit again... All I am is Yours... So hear me Lord when I cry out in pain... Save me Lord from myself... don't let me beat myself up with my self reprocrating attitude... I claim Your healing in the areas of hurt in my life right now O Lord... Thank You... I know You understand too Lord Jesus... Forgive me for my anger, for my madness... Having ranted it out, it's a sorta letting go... Well, I should just go...

one of the boys?

haha... was reading this monologue, as i prepare for my audition prep tomorrow morning... somehow, it spoke to me... well... not totally, but it sorta set me thinking...

well... some of the stuff that have been in my mind the past few weeks were of me being too buddy-buddy with the boys... probably that's why i don't get the kinda attention a girl should get from guys huh? somehow i am not the kinda girl that guys would wanna protect... i can appear so strong and independent, people tend to think that i can fend for myself and need not be protected... haha... well, i think, guys are somewhat scared of me... how so huh? i think they don't see the possiblity of me needing protection... so they need not take care of me... and the fact that i am so freakin' loud, it is somehow, overpower them??? i seriously dunno what's wrong... people just don't see me as someone that needs protection... it's like i always hear from guy friends that so-and-so looks like she needs someone to protect... i guess guys just like girls who just fits into the typical quiet sweet demure girl that looks like she could play every part the damsel in distress... well i guess i simply don't fit the bill huh?

the myriad sides of me has yet to be seen... someday, somewhere, someone would see pass the strong persona and see me the way my Creator see me... the beautiful Princess - the daughter of the King of kings... the child of God... and that's all that he needs to see to love me the way my Lord does... =)

okie... i am needy now!

i'm sick... and in need of a little pampering right now... the flu bug is going around in school and it has caught up with me... now i am sick, with sore throat, cold, cough, watery eyes, runny nose, aching body and a swollen face... and for some funny reasons, my nails keep breaking... is it because my immune system is low, or do i have some mysterious virus in me that i don't know about...

i am probably thinking too much... with the upgrading construction going around in my neighbourhood... and them drilling the floor of my corridor up, exposing the sand and dirt beneath it... it is not helping me with my healing process... in fact, i think the dust and dirt that is flying around in the air is making me swell in my face, and making my nose even more blocked...

adding to my illness... i've got bruises all over my legs... and i think i sprained my ankle... there is a throbbing dull pain that seems to becoming short sharp pain from time to time... i love dance classes... but the bruises i get... it's painful... it's like ballet classes all over again... bruises... pain... but at least no in grown toe nails all over again because of pointe... and no bleeding toes too... so it's not all that bad.... =)

manage to do my right split... been a long time since i could spilt... but gotta work on my left split cos that's what is needed for my corner-to-corner assessment piece... dance class is rather easy for me cos i've done most of it before... but having lost touch with dance for nearly five years, the body need to start catching up and re-programme all over again...

the body needs time to re-adjust... and i guess sleeping earlier is a good start... so i shall stop complaining and go to sleep... let my body heal... and maybe in the morning, i will be perfectly fine! =)

thanksgivings n tots...

It's been a while since I've last blog... Somehow, the weeks seem so long!

Okay... A few thanksgiving!!!!

1st of all... i must thank God for the successful run of The One-Sided Wall... the whole run has been an emotional journey... and i must say, i've yet to really come out of Theresa completely... part of me still wants to hold on to this character... it is a little hard to let go... but i gotta... gotta let go and play mother and marcie for my next performance - Pan-Island Expressway by local playwright Chong Tze-Chien... a rather political piece... but it is making me think of the political climate of Singapore... why does it appear that the youths of today do not want to have any part of it... are we de-politicalised? are we simply indifferent to it or do we just not care? made me think about this a lot the past few days...

next... i finally went to do the house-visit at my member's home... her mum's down with cancer... but i claim in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ that His blood has healed... He is Jehovah Rapha and i know He has healed my member's mum, just that through this period He is teaching the family something... so once they have learned the thing that God wants to teach them and draw the family back to Him, healing will come to aunty... and that her two daughters will learn to love the Lord...

also... i wanna thank God that my girls are growing... quite happy to see them apply the word in their lives... it encorages me that they are growing... (or am i just being delusional?) but i choose to believe that my "daughters" are growing in their walk with our God... but am glad that they are coming regularly and paying attention to God's word during the cell... though they do make my heart break from time to time... it's moments like these that i find it all worthwhile...

Thank God for the study kakis... study sessions are on regularly now... makes me really mug for my theoretical subjects.... these study sessions have allowed me to spend time with my dear friends like Des n Von... feel like i've neglected them for a while... been to caught up with the things and events around me... and have not been able to tae time out and see the things i've neglected... the study sessions have allowed me to spend time being around them and we can catch up when we need a break from the readings... Also, the study sessions have seem to pull the subzone slightly closer... somehow, people who do not normally hang out with us are... the younger ladies in the family  are coming to study... and crapping together with us "older people"... haha... a real good feeling...

wanna thank God for the friendships that have been built with my classmates... at least now i don't feel that alone in school... guess being in LASALLE is really different... compared to the uni folks who do not have a specific "class", i do... i guess there are its pros and cons... having a class gives you that sense of belonging... yet, there would definitely be people whom you wish they weren't there... without a class, there is probably less politics... i dunno... but having spent 2 years in LASALLE without having that kind of friendship and feeling rather alone... this academic year has been rather interesting... Thank God for this!!!

---

last night on the bus, von asked me a question... it set me thinking for most of the remaining of the night...

yes i do feel liberated! i think i probably am finally able to let go and let God in this area of my life le... not mulling over it... not worrying about it... and not thinking too much into everything... the bigger challenge is probably ahead... but for now i think i have let it go... finally see that there is no point in thinking too much over it anyway... nothing much i could do... so i just gotta let God do His thing... work His miracles... haha...

and yes... been thinking about what Mel said the other day on the bus... (i have a lot of meaningful conversations on buses... probably that's why i love taking the bus!) and yeah... i need to reassess my behaviour... haha... need to retain that mystery... i've been too much like an open-book... people can just read me like a book and sorta think they know the ending after the first few pages... was thinking about it and yeah, realise that by doing so i get mis-judged in the earlier stages of a friendship... and this image may not be altered after they know me better... cos the label is there already... i guess, i simply have to let myself not appear so strong all the time... i have to just be a little dependent on others more... to let them feel that i need them too... or else i'll end up the independent woman, who has to carry the weight of the world on her shoulder alone with God, without the support of the family of God around me... cos i don't appear to need it... so yeah... i guess, i do need to really let go of the strong persona i have... and be a little needy... heehee...

another successful show...

today's performances were draining... as expected... we got a little complacent and screwed up our second performance - the matinee showing... the evening show was better... we were more focused and people were truly impressed by our work... i am happy with what's going on throughout this whole production... the things i am learning and such...

our director, Samantha, was wondering why she has so little notes for me... then she said that it was a good thing... it simply meant that i was doing the things that the director wants and she need not ask for more... there was nothing to correct and there wasn't anything that needs to be improved on... i am glad... these past few years in LASALLE has not been a journey where i've not grown... looking back since my first performance... i have grown a lot indeed... there are things that i can be proud of and give thanks for...

Dale and Daniel came for the show and were all praises... the other lecturers that came tonight were all praises just like the others who came the day before... Dennis, program leader of the B(A) Musical Theatre said that it is the best thing he has since come out of the Theatre Arts students... i guess we've arrived... i am now more than ever that this is the plan and destiny God has for me... i am going to glorify His name through theatre...

one more show to go... show i should get some proper rest... acting can be rather exhausting

it has been some time....

the last time i blogged was quite some time ago... but guess i've simply been just too busy...

today was the opening night of the run of THE ONE-SIDED WALL... it runs from 25th Aug to 27th Aug... part of the series of plays i would be acting in as part of my graduation...

tonight was a night that saw a few celebs gracing an event that was rather hush-hush... there was no major publicity that went out... but still we had Yu-beng (who would try to be at all our showings as he is afterall our acting lecturer...) who came with his wife, Kheng Hua (the lady who produces dim sum dollies, and hosts the current food show on channel 5 called table for 3...) then we also had Mark Waite...

we had quite a few positive comments which came out from this opening night...

Yu-beng said that it was one of the best graduation shows he has seen in LASALLE.. Kheng Hua seemed rather impressed... Mark said it was the best work to come out of LASALLE in a long time, and that we've all done so well... :) Michael said he really saw the mamouth work put in by all! A very intelligent piece and a story well told! Matt (our "papa" who've seen us since we first stepped into LASALLE) looked very pleased with us too...

i think we've nailed it for this show... now it is to keep it up for the next few shows... there is still 3 more shows for this run...

we've pulled a great show tonight... and will pull off 3 more great shows in the next two days...

right now i am simply exhausted

am just going to rest...

yawnz

Just sleepy...

Been feeling rather tired lately, dunno why though... Just sleepy most of the time... Is it because I've been treating my body bad and now it is fighting back?

A lot of things are happening lately... There has been quite a few shifts in my life... I dunno why I am quite unaffected by one of the shift... Maybe it is because I have seen it gone on for so long, so it doesn't really surprise me that such a thing might have happened... Still, it is affecting me that I am not affected... Hmmm... *making squigy faces thinking*  I dunno...

Then there was the offending words from one of the lecturers in school... Sigh... Anyway, his words pierced and the girls in my class, including myself, were rather affected and upset... But I guess, I should just get over it and move on... Stop mopping over stupid things...

Was suppose to go for band prac last friday... But I decided it wasn't worth my while... I ended up skipping prac and went to hang out with friends... But I need to make it a point to return the freakin' horn by next friday and wash my hands of this band... Another enjoyable thing in my life that has turn to something rather sour... But whatever... I should actually free up my commitments... And focus on my grad shows...

On the 25th - 27th August at 7pm, I will be performing in The One-Sided Wall... It is such an exciting production... Having the best director in Singapore directing us... Having a really cool set... Nice sound design... And cool lighting designs... I think it is simply great... Haha... So excited about it... If you wanna come support me in my artistic endeavours, drop me a note or call me la...

a little complaint... a little decision to make...

the week had been rather crazy... with so many things that required my attention...

am pretty adament about the fact that i actually have to go back to school for rehearsals on National Day!!!!
suppose to be public holiday... yet i am back in school, rehearsing the first of four graduation shows lined up ahead...
guess this is the life of an actor... who am i to complain right??? *grinz* but rehearsals are going well... two weeks to opening and we are more or less ready to go... i think Sam is such a good director... no wonder she won Best Director of the year last year...

was an extra for the movie 5Cs...  it just happened to be that Yu Beng had asked us to go down to the set for lesson that night... and they didn't have enough extras... so i had to stand in... haha... never liked the way i look on camera... guess was simply trying not to look too conscious of the camera and be a good student-actor... haha...

had a msg from mindy about me being arrowed by mr ho for not being at band prac... that's it man... i shall return the horn next practice and there after never return to this band again... i've had enough... i am a student with my own priorities... i have my priorities set right and this band is not on my priority list... it is just a place where i wanna let loose, away from my actual busy life... if they wanna be so pedantic about my commitment level then it's bye bye to this band... i can always find another outlet to let loose... so wadever... i wouldn't be returning to this band after next friday... need to go down to at least return the horn...

the church is going to move to Expo... and service is gonna be on Sunday... and i am prolly gonna be out of a job... haha... but i am not complaining... God will provide... haha... am pretty happy that there is going to be a change in climate... i believe with the move, more people will come to know the Lord... the Lord wanna bring His children home... but, the spatial constraints we currently have aint helping the growth... the move to a bigger and better place would definitely be like the empty vessels that would be filled... amazing things are going to happen... and i am excited... i am grateful... and i know many will be blessed!!!!

Pastor Eugene talked about how Singapore's future is ours to make in God at service yesterday evening... nations represent people and people always have a very special place in the heart of God... this nation has an unreached people group that makes up nearly one third of the population... i know that these people are in the plans of God... our lives and our living is destined by God... and me being borned in a time and place like this is divine... there's no doubt about it... and i am not ashame to boldly and loudly declare that...
"I am a Christian... A child of God... A princess of my King... A God chick..."

Is life an accident or a divine plan?
I believe that it is a divine plan... Nothing in this world is an accident... It happens for a reason....

update...

been a rather eventful week i suppose... done a lot of things this week i feel...
been rather busy... i think i should ban this work from my vocab right now... been using it too often...
every other entry is about me being busy... guess i probably should re-evaluate the way i live...

having cell on monday is a little weird... haha... somehow, have yet to get accustomed to having cell on mondays...

tuesdays got a little free, but cos i needed the time to catch up on some of my school projects found some breathing space... manage to complete some of my work... but still ended up sleeping my evening away... din even watch CSI...

had to continue rushing out my projects for school on wednesday night... i so did not know that my brother has internet connection on his laptop... had i known earlier...  i would certainly have tried to borrow his laptop...

went for dinner at cartel on thursday to discuss some alumni stuff... really hope to see someone raise the alumni winds up from the dead... the seasoned folks shouldn't be the people raising it up from the dead so as to inject new blood... shall wait and see what God's perfect plans for this band of His are... after all He is the Maestro of this band... anyway, think i shouldn't eat cartel with people (dale, pearline & sean) whom i know can eat quite a bit, cos would end up over ordering... anyway, after dinner din feel exactly too well... next thing i knew, i was puking out my dinner... it was either food poisoning, stomach flu or seriously bad case of indigestion...  i was feeling so sick, perspiring cold sweat... and finally after drinking down a glass of eno thinking it was indigestion, i had to go to the toilet to puke... argh... hate it, such a waste of money... sigh... until today i still have that naeseous feeling... sigh...

went for band practice at NIE after a long time... (bout 2 years already)... my skills have turned rather rusty... but still am better than those who think they can play but cannot play... a certain mr. cf... irritating guy... sigh... the whole section i was the only person playing... the rest were like playing catch up or following me... if i stop they all stop... gosh and i tot i was pretty lousy... considering the fact that i have forgotten my scales in relation to the concert scales... sigh... anyway, am probably going to commit myself for this concert after all it is the tenth anniversary concert... wouldn't mind playing for this concert and then probably disappear again for a while... haha... been in this band for nearly five years already... and have only performed in less than four concerts... haha... sigh... mindy said i sounded rather snobbish... but i dunno la... teachers vs actors... i think actors would sound slightly high and mighty... haha... but nah... guess its just 2 years of not being in contact and have lost that in tune-ness with each other's vocabulary... guess i shall just have to be more sensitive la...

had my 2nd driving practical today... and i failed it again!!!!  this time 50 demerit points... i striked kerb 3 times, strike pole once... sigh... next time la... i will pass... maybe third time lucky and less nervous... well or maybe i am just simply destined to be driven around... haha... but my driving instructor said that i am not that bad a driver... he said i am not sotong... just simply not enough practice... so that's why i am not passing... so hopefully and prayerfully, i will pass the next time around...

 oh ya did a blog quiz... think is quite true of me... haha...

You, actually, dont sleep. There are just too many
things for you to do and see! Why spend half
your life lying in bed instead of enjoying
everything life has to offer?! Its not that
you are ridiculously hyper (usually), you just
have a far greater appreciation for life than

most people. Chances are youre very optimistic
and probably a little bit random sometimes, but
people love you for your happiness. Keep
smiling! Make someone's day! ^_^

How do you Sleep? (Anime Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

it's been a long time...

it's been a long time since i last update this diary of mine...

over the weekend went to batam for a retreat...

spent about $10 on a traditional massage...
i felt a little more relaxed after the massage...

think it did good for my back...
anyway, had a nice time catching up with nuanyi...
been quite a long time since i've spent an extended amount of time with her...
am feeling glad that she is back...
there are many things that God does that i can't fathom in my puny mind...

the retreat was like eat, sing KTV, chat over supper, sleep...
thank goodness it was only 2D/1N...
or else i would have definitely feel too tai tai...
haha...

am getting so busy in school that i don't have time for day time activities...
and all my la-kopi kakis are starting to stop having night time activites too...
sigh... even if they still went out at night, doubt if i could continue it too with my hectic schedule...
now is a good time to fast from my social life... haha... (aiya just joking doubt i could do it...)

no good to distant myself too much from the community...

gotta go... another busy busy day ahead...

life....

tired...
zonked...
sleepy...
there are many words to describe my current physical condition now...
but i have no choice...
am at work now... so can't go sleep... or i'll be fired... haha...

anyway... i thank God for my kinda body...
the kind that can take the beatings of the lack of sleep...
the kind that need so little sleep that i can almost fully utilize my day...
haha... if i am running on batteries i would probably have energiser titanium/ lithium batteries in my system...
but i thank God i am running on His strength...
that's probably why i need so little recharge time...
cos as unfair as i can say my schedule is... (which i am not complaining cos i chose this lifestyle...)
God is good... He constantly recharge me as long as i go to Him daily to be recharged...
He is my source of strength...

---

anyway... if looks could kill... W would have died a horrible death last night...
the blabber that he said... too bad looks cannot kill...
if not he would have felt the pain of all the daggers in his skin...
too bad his skin is too thick...
shan't say anymore bad stuff about him...
but seriously... he should learn to know where the limit points are... if not...
he would probably die a more horrible death outside...
i have been rather nice and cordial already...
i think he not only offended me last night... but many at the table too...
so i guess i am probably not that mean to him after all...

---

going to the prison tomorrow... will blog about that tomorrow when i come back...

hmm... a little excitment in my week...

i'm having a pretty exciting week this week, knowing all the major projects that i have coming up... sooo exciting...
we're putting up a play in seven weeks time... this is actually a monologue, but it is now spilt into six different parts and everything is really exciting... haha... can't wait for rehearsals to start after we drop script next friday... the play is called the one-sided wall... argh final year... so everything just excites me... haha... going to the Changi Prison next monday to chat with the wardens to see if we could do a collaborative Community Theatre project with some of the inmates... ooohhhh.... everything is simply exciting... haha...

gonna put up a monologue next friday... taken it out from the bay at nice by david hare... first performance this academic year... hopefully i am ready for it by next tuesday... got the weekend ahead to memorise and interpret it for myself... =)

but this being the first week only, i am already rather exhausted by the activities i have at hand in school... kept dozing of in class... haha... but i think my system would kick into momentum soon and i will regain my hyperactiveness... haha...

had a whole week of harassment calls since saturday evening... some blangadeshi guy kept calling me and texting me... told him not to harass me or i would lodge a police report on wednesday evening, cos i was getting rather irritated by his incessant calling and texting... then last night, thursday night, as i was about to go to sleep, he called me on another number and challenged me to call the police... so at midnight i went to my neighbourhood police centre and finally made that report... it took me an hour and a half just to make that report cos of all the red tape that poor police officer had to go through... but it was a rather hilarious event as when the officer called the number, that guy did not answer the phone, but he called back and irritated the officer so much, the officer told him that should he call again, he is distrupting police hotline and would be charged with harassment of a police officer... haha... guess that scared him off... seriously speaking this foreigner doesn't speak proper English and it was so broken that i guess whenever i showed the messages he sent me to my friends as i related my plight, it was sorta like senseless humour of the day...

well, gotta go... meeting a whole bunch of people to go KTV at 6pm... and it is 5.15pm now... if i don't leave now, i'll be late!!!!

must say that the past week has been one eventful and blessed week...
the gateway cities youth convention was great!
not only did i get to know more people from different nationalities... i was deeply blessed by all their testimonies and their friendships...
Chika and Lidia are such funny girls... so fun to be around...
Rudi, John, Dimar and Kris are such simple people...
i enjoyed myself thoroughly throughout this whole convention..
bringing them around Singapore was great fun...
and all this started on thursday...

thursday evening...
after work, i went to queenstown area to pick up Pastor Paul Wakary, his wife and his grand-daughter, Mishela, for the dinner at a resturant in Bukit Merah...
a really gentle and warm man Pastor Wakary is...
he just gives off this warm vibe that puts people at ease...
when we reached the restaurant, i joined Mishela, Chika, Lidia, Dimar, Kris, John and Rudi with Melissa, Samuel and Pastor Debra at the table...
we had a round of introduction and sharing...
all the testimonies that these foreign delegates has shared at the table touched my heart...
it made me think about how my service to God can be put to better utilisation...
made me think about my ministry, the ministry God has entrusted to me...
suddenly, everything else seemed so mundane and out of place...
but God created each of us with a different mission on earth...
so i simply have to let go and let God... at the same time do my best in whatever arena God has placed me in...
that night after dinner, the delegates when back to their respective lodgings and mel and i helped out a little clearing up...
and because of Mel's helping out and not wanting to leave me alone, she missed the chance of sending mabel off at the airport...
in the end, we went out the whole night until morning 4am with Dex and Daniel...
went to Changi Village to look at trannies...
must say ah, they can be really quite pretty...
la teh at the Changi food centre...
went to the stretch of road off the airport to see planes land and fly off...
took out the pink straw mat Daniel had in his car boot... (he has quite a lot of pink stuff for a guy...)
felt that we needed some drinks so Daniel went to buy them...
he left saying he'll buy some soft drinks and vodka... but came back with 2 bottles of e33...
the police came and chased us away due to security reasons...
so we went back to Changi village area and went to look at haunted houses...
when into the so called haunted old Changi Hospital...
nothing scary about that, except for the ants that crawled into my pants and started biting me...
cos i lost my voice, when that Daniel tried to scare me by jumping at me i couldn't scream...
then from there we went to feng seng for prata...
of which of course i din eat cos of the condition of my voice...
and we ended the night at about 4am when i reached home i think...

was a little too zonked... cos was falling sick...

friday...
was the first day of convention and i missed the first half of it cos i overslept!!!!
wasn't thinking of sleeping that morning cos i reached home at that kinda hour...
but i took some medication and it zonked me out and so i overslept...
missed the first half of the convention...
reached in time for lunch... haha food always gets me out of bed...
thank God i din miss out too much... cos the indonesians have yet to share and my heart goes out for indonesia...
when they shared it touched my heart...
when we prayed for them i simply just cried...
i din understand why, but tears just flowed...
din cry for the other nations when i prayed but for indo the tears just flowed...

saturday...
woke up late... again...
think the late nights are having its toll on me...
was not that late cos the day's sharing just started...
missed devotion though...
fell asleep when the delegates from China were sharing... they simply went into too much details...
during the finale of the sharing... when the Malaysians prayed for Singapore, i felt so loved that tears just flowed...
brought Rudi and John to Trumpet Praise after we were dismissed...
while the rest made their way to Bugis first...
the amazing thing was when we reached Bugis to join the rest, they just reached...
so guess i am just simply fast... haha...
brought them to eat at the hawker centre behind Bugis Village...
bought Bah Kut Teh, Orh Luah, Char Hei Mee, Cai Tao Kueh (white and black each a plate,) two popiah and BBQ stingray...
it was a spread of everything unhealthy... haha...
but we had fun standing around the table eating buffet style...
everyone else were staring at us, but we din care a hoot about what they thought...
brought them to esplanade and the merlion...
Rudi and John walked with Samuel, Jeff and myself from Bugis... while the rest took the car...
Dex had a minor accident while parking and were delayed... A female driver swerved into his lane and scratched Vincent's car...
but no one was hurt in the process of it all... thank God...
we showed them the sights, and soon it was time to go back to Hope Centre cos it closes at 11.30pm...
Pastor Debra sent Dex, Samuel and Jeff to go collect the car...
while Mel, herself and i took cab with the four guys back to their lodging before they got locked out...
we got back at Hope in under 10 mins and were just in time before the doors locked...
after dropping the guys off, we crossed the road to get to the bus stop so that Mel and i could get home and Pastor Debra could walk home...
just as we got onto the other side, a cyclist suddenly appear and almost knocked Mel and Pastor Debra down...
i pulled Mel back and Mel pushed Pastor Debra out of the way...
it was rather chaotic...
but thank God that the cyclist din knock Pastor Debra into the drain that was so deep...
thank God for His protection...
Dex sorta insisted that he drove all of us home so as we waited for the three guys to come, we reflected and realised that hosting delegates would also result in us facing some kind of spiritual warfare...
the minor accident in the carpark, the near miss with that cyclist...
all spiritual warfare...
it is really amazing what T.E.O. would do to stop God's kingdom from coming...
but praise be to God for keeping us so safe...
almost went to la teh again, but thank God Samuel wanted to go home cos of the enrolment service the next morning...

sunday...
woke up late... again!!!!
second day in a roll... sigh...
reached Bukit View just in time before the bus left... phew... close shave...
tied the girls' hair for them...
checked all of their uniforms...
when we reached Singapore Expo, they all looked so pretty and smart in their uniforms...
during altar call, xinyi's mum came to know the Lord... praise be to God!!!
guess the sermon really speaked to adult and youths alike...
Life is not fair... But God is good... Amen!!!
the rest of the officers brought the girls home... Fiona, Von, Des, Charm Chng and Weiying...
while i went to the indonesian delegates to get them to eat some lunch... but failed terribly cos none of them wanted to eat...
tried to locate Dex's car to get Rudi his bible and stuff but failed terribly too... there were just simply too many cars...
and it din help that he pointed me to the wrong part of the carpark...
went in for the Chinese service...
played with Faith... she always goes "Hello Regina jie jie!" so excitedly whenever she sees me...
after the delegates were let out of the service, we brought them to the zoo...
somehow, for some weird reason, i always get to our destination before those driving... haha...
Pastor Debra, Mel and i took a cab to the zoo and since we reached early, we bought lunch...
despite my sore throat i still ate Zinger... nothing else to eat la...
we had such a fun day at the zoo, that by the end of it we were all sore and tired...
it has been such a long time since i went to the zoo...
the last time i went was probably when i was 12...
Singapore Zoo is simply the best...
my favourite animal, the penguin and the white tigers...
we reached TCT by 5.30pm... a little too early for the convention... so we had dinner...
bought satay bee hoon and char kway teow this time around for them to try... on top of their dinner...
they really like char kway teow... haha...
through this all, i realised that the taste of Singapore can be really quite unhealthy...
but whatever, i simply love the variety my nation has to offer...
went for the closing session... it was fantastic...
shared the Lord's supper with Aaron (malaysian) and Alvin (singaporean)... prayed for each other and broke bread...
quite amazing what God is doing in each of our lives...
Dex went back to get Kris' stuff that was left in Vincent's car...
and having heard Mel and I complain about our heels, he brought slippers for us to change into... how nice of him...
he came back in time for the reception... and in time for us all to go to Hope Centre to say goodbyes and last night with the delegates...
we crapped the whole night away... playing the animal game... talking and laughing...
Lidia is so funny... the way she drilled Dex about what kinda girl he likes, if he has anyone in mind etc is amazing...
but of course she din spare us at all... she drilled Mel, Von and myself too...
den Pastor Debra made a comment that this fillipino guy nicknamed "well done" was considered cute amongst some of the girls...
so John went down to get him to join us and Lidia and Chika grilled him...
it was soooooo funny...
being the social butterfly i simply ignored the fact that i was to be in school the next day...
din leave Hope Centre till 1.30am...
went to collect my things from Dex's car boot and Mel and i needed to change back to our heels and return him his slippers...
was about to change mine when he said no need la i give you... so i went home looking rather silly holding my heels in my hands...
reached home at 2am with my mum asking me if i need not go to school...
had she not woke me up this morning, i would probably be late again this morning...
thank God i am not late for class this morning... was perfectly on time...

---

guess the bottomline of this whole week was that i had been so blessed to be allowed to be a blessing unto the lives of others... quite a priviledge to be a servant of God... =)

 

staying out late...

staying out late isn't anything unusual for me...
but the people whom i was staying out late with last night were special...
why do i say so?
well...
basically they are home-bodies...
the others in the group like Dex and Mel i've stayed out late with them before...
but the home-bodies like Von, Des and Jeff... these are surprises...
and it is special... haha... cos Von and Des prefer to stay home after 12...

it was a night of fun and laughter...
though i couldn't laugh... (every time i laugh, the headache that was plaguing me the whole of last night would throb...)
and the fact that i was losing my beautiful voice didn't help much...
but i had fun...
met Dex and Jeff at 5pm (the rest were all LATE... but nevermind they had their reasons... understandable...)
had dinner at this really homely place at some ulu shopping mall...
the food is really nice though...
i had baked fish... simply delicious...
then there was the really nice lady who made me the honey lemon drink with salt (which i had to pay $4.80 for...)
but it was good... for the rest of the evening i actually had my voice!!!
caught  War of the World at 7.15pm...
ate 2 handful of popcorn only... and then had to stop cos my voice was going again...
went to la teh at this kopitiam next to meridian hotel... i really la teh lor... hot one some more...
and  once again i couldn't find my voice... (blame it on the popcorn and my lack of self-discipline...)
after tea, went to play pool at K-Pool... (after all i only have a few days of holidays before i am in my final year... so i just hanged out lor... no chance when school reopen liao ma...)
Des is so funny...
Say she dunno how to play, but she like pro like that, just keep putting the balls into the pocket...
Very zai for someone who claims she can't play...
Von also very funny...
Keep saying cannot play cannot play... Also played very well for a first-timer...
Recall the times when my balls fly out of the table... Cue stick down go where... Von is really good for a beginner lor...
These two ladies, really 人不可貌像...
The most terrible thing would probably be the fact that i actually forgot to exchange back my IC!!!
Nevermind, Jeff gonna help me take... (So nice of him...)
That was basically wad i did last night...
It was fun hanging out till the wee hours of the morning with all of them especially Von and Des...

Slept at 3.30am... Woke up for work at 6.30am...
Ten years down the road and my body will scold me for doing such crazy things...
But for now, losing my voice is bad enough... Haha...

---

It is almost 3pm...
2.47pm to be exact...
Haven't had lunch yet...
Didn't have breakfast either...
Am so hungry...
My throat is still painful...
Dunno what i can actually eat...

---

God's goodness...

God is really amazing and faithful...
(Duh statement I know... But ya He is!!!!)
My King never fails to provide me with me needs...
He has time and time again blessed me with abundance...
It is really true...
When we serve Him faithfully, giving Him our spoonful of faithfulness...
He will bless us with His shovelful of blessings...

His Providence

Just a week ago, I was panicking...
I had to pay my school fees last Monday and I don't know where all my money had gone...
At that point of time I was thinking I won't be getting my scholarship this year, cos the letter has yet to come notify me of anything...
I was panicking thinking I won't graduate by 2006... Haha...
So after a bit of fretting and a lot of prayers... (On my own and with support from my Spiritual sisters...)
I went to seek alternatives like paying in installments etc...
On Monday when I went to ask if I could make payment on a later date or pay by installments, I was told that there has been an extension of dateline for fee payment... (I had till that Friday...)
Then I asked about the scholarship and stuff, only to get answers like the board is still pending their decision...
So after bugging my school's Academic Admin...
I went off to wait... And pray some more...
Friday came and I was told to ask about installment plans at the finance department...
I inquired about the installment plan, explaining that I had done so previously...
Then a lady (think she the manager or supervisor) came and asked me if I had applied for the scholarships...
She then took my student pass and went to check her records of awardees...
To my pleasant surprise I had been awarded a scholarship of $1500...
It may not be much, but it is half of my fees already...
This means I had to pay another $780...
I asked about my pay... (Which incidentally have been taking forever to payout...)
It was quite a sum and tomorrow I simply need to pay about $200 to clear my fees for this semester...
I really thank God for His providence...
Time and time again, He showers me with His wonderful blessings...
Time and time again, He shows me that He is so ever faithful to His servants...
Time and time again, He allows me the priviledge to testify of His goodness...
Time and time again, He sees me through each moulding process...
Thank God that He allows me to tap into His power, His deliverance, and His abundance...
Thank God that He only answers our prayers with the best... (Or as Des would say, "the bestest of best"...) 

 

 

 

Psalm 145: 16

"You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing."

The Fast

Psalm 25:4

"Show me Your ways, O Lord, teach me Your paths"

I did it... haha...
I did the fast... haha...
I think I am crazy...
It was not so much about me wanting to know if he is the One...

It was more like I wanted to guard my heart...
I started out the fast telling God to let the feelings fade out if he is not His plans for me...
Right now the feelings have yet to fade, but I guess it is too early to tell...
Anyway, I did it not because I want a relationship out of it...
But because I know that my control over this area needs growing...
In the past, my heart would flutter in an instance if the guy is nice to me...
Now, I thank God for moulding me...
I am having a lot more control over this area now...
At least I can now see that the guy is genuinely nice to everyone not just me...
(something I would have been blinded to in the past...)
After the three days, I am coming out of it more at peace...
I am not anxious to get an answer...
Cos if it comes it comes...
If not then I just have to be patient and seek His plans...
Saw him yesterday, went out as a group...
No funny feelings...
No special feelings...
No awkwardness either...
I am probably not ready for God's answers...
But no longer am I anxious about it...
No longer am I troubled by this issue...
I did not enter the fast with any expectations...
I simply told God that I want to fast to hear His voice clearer in this aspect of my life...
To take out my voice from this aspect from my life...
The fast has taught me something...
Before the fast, I know that it is in God's hands....
After the fast, I still know that it is in God's hands...
The only difference is now I am not holding on to my own minute understanding...
But am now patiently awaiting God's reply...
Because I know that God knows everything I want to say before I even start the first sentence...

Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord
Psalm 139:4

Final Thoughts

Simply need to come daily to God to seek His providence in every aspect of our lives...
If we ask, He will definitely open up the treasury in heaven and pour forth His blessings in our lives...
If there is a need, we simply need to call upon God to provide on a daily basis...
Because He is Abba Father, He will provide...
I am a daily testimony to His daily providence...

 

tired eyes...

my eyes are soring... facing the computer too much... but what to do... it's part of my job... sigh~!
why am i still blogging then? cos i got nothing better to do... haha...

...

freezing... been freezing since yesterday morning... is there something seriously wrong with me?
or have i been sitting in the office for too long...

...

went to K box with Zhengyuan, Kelvin, Yiting, Charm Cheong,  Vincent, this guy they keep calling " 彩紅夏日營 " and Zheng Yuan's female friend...  K Box is expensive... But whatever... Haha... I've the lifetime membership with K Box now... So until it winds up business, I can go on wednesday nights for free... Haha... But still I prefer the KTV places I frequent better... Haha...

okie... " 彩紅夏日營 " (let's just call him John... I think that's his name if I am not mistaken...) Gosh... he looks 19... but in actual fact he is 23... i couldn't believe it... and surprisingly we have mutual friends outside church... haha... i always thought that being in theatre, not many would have friends connected to each other... haha... my last impression of this guy was from tabernacle... he was changing the candles on the golden lampstand... and i was thinking to myself who is this "di di"... never see him before ma... so now we are acquainted... and i realised that he is not a "di di"... Haha...

...

stomach is growling... but i shall stick to my fast... i wanna put a stop to my emotions if it is not part of God's plans...
His ways are far greater than mine... so i shall fast and seek His ways and wait for Him to answer me...

...

cannot take it anymore... my hands are freezing... need to go out of this office and breathe in some warm air...

...

got bored and decided to do this quiz which Seah did... haha...

Your dating personality profile: Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you. Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love. Conservative - You take a conservative stance on most issues and aren't shy about saying so. Your political views are an important component of who you are.

Your date match profile: Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life. Traditional - You aren't looking for someone who is sexually repressed. You want someone who is adventurous under the covers. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Religious 2. Big-Hearted 3. Conservative 4. Athletic 5. Adventurous 6. Practical 7. Traditional 8. Outgoing 9. Romantic 10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Religious 2. Traditional 3. Practical 4. Big-Hearted 5. Adventurous 6. Athletic 7. Conservative 8. Romantic 9. Intellectual 10. Outgoing

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

 

 

just being God chick...

feeling sad and happy... very mixed emotions within me...

sigh... it was weird sending them off to missions...
for the past 2 years, i've always been the one being sent off...
this time around i was sending them off... a little weird...
everyone keeps thinking that i am going... haha... 
having mixed emotions... 
am happy for them that they are going out to serve the nations...
yet sad cos i wanna go back and see the little children...
had to give instructions to bring toys to these little kids...
wondering if mel remembers... she has so many things to remember already...

was a little upset over the comments of me helping with the check-in...
made me felt like i was doing too much... sigh... whatever...
its just in me to help... so they can say whatever they want...
i shall continue to serve God's people whenever i can...
be it with little things like checking in...
or washing the toys clean so that i can give it to the little kids...
(the toys were sooooo WHITE and nice smelling...)
or simply doing errands or admin stuff...
i find joy doing it... and it serves God's purpose for that moment (i think)...
so i am just gonna toss out negative comments...
and just continue as i am...
love me or hate me... i dont really care...
all i care is taking care of the people God has placed around me...

said Happy Father's Day to my dad... a little awkward...
it had been a long time since i said these three words to him...
guess the last time was when i was in primary school...
really had to swallow my pride and just say it...
but i guess he felt loved by me... cos he was a little paiseh...
he simply said thanks and hung up... haha...
my dad aint the mushy mushy kinda guy...

there are a gazillion and one things to do this week...
went to give tuition today in the morning and then go to school for work...
meeting Zhengyuan and co for KTV session later in the evening...
(think i am going KTV a little too much...)
gotta go to the airport and fetch some austrialians on tues...
meeting Des and Charm on tues for a girls out session... (isssit still on???)
going to the airport again to fetch some international student on wed...
meeting Mag to simply catch up with her on wednesday for dinner...
having cell group this thursday... (which reminds me i haven't prepare the word...)
need to take friday off to get the uniforms for the GB girls and settle some stuff...
and then go for GB parade...
working for Vpact on sat... meeting NY that evening... (i think...)
working at office on sun...

gosh when will i finish packing my room?!?!?!

oh ya... please keep me in prayer... need to pay school fees by 24th...
dunno where all my money went... (guess my pay haven't come in...)
so got no moolah to pay my fees...
pray that i get my scholarship from school... they are still pending...
thanks...

The Lord is my Banner...

Was quite upset today by my aunt's comments... All that she said about me... About the teachings of the church... About me not caring about my family... About me helping out in church... About me not knowing my family... All so unfounded and untrue... But I am still upset about it... Felt so accused... It was like there she is not seeing the full picture and with her warped perspective of what she sees she chides me... And worst she said I was like my mum... Running a way from the problem... Getting annoyed by her comments... I mean who won't? Throwing baseless accusations... So what if she is frustrated with my mum? That gives her no right to scold me for the things she think I didn't see... And me not wanting to offend her, cause I know I might say something rude back just kept quiet, and because of that she got even angrier at me and hung up the phone on me... It was so stressful talking to her that I simply just cried and cried... This is the first time in a very long time I felt so persecuted...

What she doesn't see, she accuses me of not doing... She doesn't realise that I am not helping out at the shop because I am working outside... She doesn't see the hardwork I am putting in to lighten my parents' financial load... She doesn't know the fact that I have opted out of missions this year because I wanted to obey my parents and show them that I care about them too... And the worst is she doesn't know why I didn't visit my brother in hospital... I didn't go home from camp the night when I receive the news because I didn't want my parents to worry and because my brother told me not to worry my parents... She didn't see how worried I was for my brother that I cried throughout worship and whenever I found myself alone... She didn't know how concern I was for my brother, fearing that he might commit suicide because he is depressed... Argh.... I simply felt so accused...

Wanted to call Mel... But she didn't answer her phone... Called Des and cried... Think I just simply burdened her with my problems... But I needed to cry... She had to go for her piano lesson... So left it hanging... Sigh... But later she sent me a sweet sms... Thanks Des... And thanks Jeff for the prayer...

Somehow nothing can be further from the truth... When there God's plans are working out perfectly... TEO will try to come and make you question if what you are doing is right... I know that my girls need me... And that there are greater works that will be brought to fruition... And because these things have yet to come to pass, TEO will come and try to steer you away from the goal... Listen up TEO... I will not falter... You may wanna come and try to put me down, but I will not let you... You are not bigger than MY GOD! So forget it... Get lost... I will rise up and stand strong... There may be times I wanna cry and I will cry... But after those tears are shed, I will come back even stronger... So it is war... And I know the heavenly angels will win... Cause My Lord is my Redeemer, Savious, Rock, Banner and Righteousness... He will bring the victory and the harvest will be harvested...

Before I started surfing the net, I went to the Lord in prayer... And after that I am at peace... I know that my Lord is good and His mercies endures forever... So I shall continue to pray and persevere on for my family's salvation...  The Lord has dispelled all my fears and dried up my tears...

---

Ended up surfing the net and did some silly blogging quiz... Haha... Guess the internet is not that bad afterall... At least it took my mind off things and I had a good laugh... How true is this I dunno though...

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read. Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few.

What kind of blogger are you?

Busy busy me...

Okie... Been a while since I last blogged I guess... Haha... Am so busy of late... First it was my birthday party... Then there was the GB camp (which I would love to elaborate on...) Then work is like busy busy now... Haha... My colleague was just saying how amazed he is at me being able to juggle so many things... And that I look so busy, and the fact that I am actually busy... Haha... Do I?

Well... Must say that I am very glad to have been part of the GB camp... Though I was probably off my tangent throughout the camp... Could have done away with me screaming at the girls... Was rather out of control the first two days... Finally mellowed down on the second evening... Was looking back and reflecting why on earth I was so mad at these girls... I have came to a conclusion... There is a major stress management area in my life I need to seriously grow in... The stress of the camp, logistics, girls not responding, girls giving you that papaya face, my brother being in hospital with suspected gastric cancer... Guess the last item freaked me out and push me over the edge...

But through the camp, I have learnt to focus on just making the girls are okay... I mean, I literally fought back tears to get things prepared... I was basically okay, until the orienteering when I just lost my strong countenance and just broke down... Guess the girls were probably wondering how come this ma'am so weird one... One moment she is screaming her head off and the other she is crying like mad... But I seriously couldn't be bothered how the girls saw me... Think it is also part of God's plan that I actually showed my vulnerable side to some of the GB girls... Afterall, I am not that strong... They were probably too puzzled to wonder why I was crying... But who wouldn't cry knowing that your brother is in the hospital, having just puked blood, and the doctor diagnosed that it might be gastric cancer and it might result in a stroke... I just got so frightened at the thought that I might lose my brother that I just cried and cried... I went back to Daniel Hall to get my stuff.. But was too distraught to go back to the campsite and do mass tin cooking with the girls... So I asked Melissa for permission to stay for the opening ceremony of Tabernacle...

At the opening ceremony, I simply just kept crying... Throughout worship, I would sing the songs and end up crying...  Pastor William came over and prayed over me... This was probably the only time I have every cried so much... I stopped only when Pastor William started speaking... The only break I got from crying was probably when Pastor William and Pastor Debra spoke... Then when Pastor William gave the first altar call to receive healing, I went down for my brother's sake... I cried and cried... Told Pastor Debra about what happened... Then went back feeling alot better... Then there was the second altar call for the leaders... I went down again... Cried again... Got slained by the Holy Spirit and bumped my head on the floor... Felt a whole lot better... Then went back to my seat, cried abit more... Got slain again this time along the aisle... And as usual, my hair got stepped by someone... And I was in a totally awkward position... But I felt the Holy Spirit doing His work... So was finally at peace by the end of the service...

After the service, found myself having to go back to the campsite alone... So decided that I shall look for a ride from the BB boys' bus... Went to ask Jeff if I could... Then he did the thing I never thought he would... Haha... He offered to walk me back instead... Haha...  Along the way, was telling him that he should show this nice side of him more often... To which he replied... "Not everyone should see my nice side... If not got alot of rumours... " I guess it is quite true... But I feel that if one is sincere and genuine when treating people, there should be no rumours... And even if there is any, it is simply because people know this person would probably be unaffected by it all...

On Saturday we had kayaking for the GB girls... If not for the GB girls, I doubt Von and Fiona would enter the waters with the risk of probable capsize... But anyway I think Von and Fiona love the girls and care for them enough to put aside their fears and go kayaking with them... I was basically quite pissed at the instructor who did not teach the girls how to use their oars... So the girls all end up all over the sea... Haha... I had to undertake the task of teaching some of the girls to use the oar... Sigh... Got darker... And tired... Being water confident (despite being unable to swim)... I was guiding the girls who felt sick back to the shore half way through the session... Then I rowed back all the way to join the rest... Totally exhausted myself by the end of it... I guess, I am not that bad... Am actually quite sporty... Can kayak, roller blade, ice-skate, cycle... Haha... And I have better stamina than the younger girls.. Haha... Always thought I was leading a rather unhealthy life... Haha...

Went for tabernacle that evening... Brought the girls into the Tabernacle... Surprised by their reactions... Found Mag, Charmaine and Annabel outside at the Outer Courts... They knelt at every "station" for a long time... Prayed for them when the Holy Spirit prompted.. They all cried and looked really burdened... Asked them to share when they came out... But they were quite mum about it... Prayed for them and Charmaine and Magdalene cried... Mag was crying so hard.. It made me wanna cry with her too...

After I send Mag to the carpark to meet her dad... Went back to the GB girls.. Was told drill competition was in a few minutes time and I was to change into my boots... We marched, and the officer contingent won... But of course... We had to teach these girls... So somehow, we had to be at our best... My coy lost to the other coy and the girls were quite disappointed... It was like written all over their faces, after the results were announced... But still I am very very proud of these beautiful girls... They didn't complain throughout the camp... They may be a little nua nua but when they get really motivated, they can be really realy zai... These girls are indeed stars... They have the potential to burn so brightly... They just need the right motivation...

After drill comp, I changed out of my boots and wanted to go do my solitude... But prior to that, Jeff stopped me and asked me and Weicong to help him decipher the vision he saw while in the Tabernacle... It was burning too much of my brain juice... Haha... Then we started talking... And I didn't do my solitude until 3am... As I walked along the beach, singing worship to God... God showed me a verse, which at this moment I simply can't recall... Haha... At about 3.30am I entered the Tabernacle alone... And fell asleep at each stop... Fell asleep at the brazen altar, bronze lever, golden lampstand and altar of incense... I wanted to seek God to heal my brother and ask Him what His plans are for me, but I simply couldn't do it... I only lasted a few minutes and fell right into sleep for about 20 minutes at each stop... Gosh... I felt soooo bad... Then I finally moved to the Holy of Holies, before the Ark of Covenant... And I slept till 7.30am... I think this Tabernacle experience, the Lord wanted me to rest in Him... Cos I was so energised by the time I woke up... I have been too busy for the Lord... I like my time of solitude, must do it more often... Heehee...

During the closing message for the GB camp, Melissa told the story of the prodigal son... To which, the GB girls responded and 4 more girls responded to accept the Father's love in their lives... Amen... Now most of the GB girls in sec 1 have indicated that they are open, with the exception of probably the muslim girl... But I know God has a plan for each girl and it is unique... All the officers' task is to love them and show them GOd's love... I must say, this camp brought me to see the girls in a different light... Totally changed my view of them... No longer are they the nua nua lembeh lembeh girls... They are now strong and shining stars...

That afternoon, we had lunch at Roland's restaurant... And we sat with Pastor William... Gosh... So scary... Haha... But we had fun... Heehee... Then Von had to go point out that I am sitting directly across to someone on the next table... Tsk tsk... Didnt even notice lor... Haha... But anyway I was more interested in Faith... Was playing with her throughout the bus ride from ECP to Roland... Then when she finished her lunch, was playing with her again... Haha... Guess when it comes to kids vs guys... Kids always gain my attention more... Was totally exhausted by the end of the closing ceremony of Tabernacle... There was no long word, but there was a great time of worship... Which by the end of it, I over exerted my ligaments and muscles... Had a sharp pain at the back of my right knee and pain at my right ankle... Ended up limping... And the guys were like "Regina what happened to you?" Chen An or was it Samuel who commented that "3 days of roughing out at camp and when I worship I injure myself..." Somehow I think people are used to the fact that this would always happen... Haha... But was so tired, that I forgot about the ice-box!!!!! Until the next morning when I was brushing my teeth did I realised my folly... Panicked... Called everyone I could to help... Then Dellia told me to check Roland restuarant to see if it was there... Thank God it was and I went to claim it back that evening after work... How blur I can be... Haahaa...

Helped with missions packing yesterday... It was alot of work for many of them... Packing, loading, distributing... I had the relaxing job of purchasing stuff... Not exactly that relaxed, as I had to make sure that the other two were on schedule with me... And having a person who tries to stretch my time limit is really stressful... He happens to be able to be not punctual for practically everything he does... Sigh... He needs to grow in the area of not trying to juggle too many balls at the same time if not able to... He like to multi-task to disastrous results... Bottomline... Men just simply can't seem to multi-task... Probably over generalising, but seriously speaking, I have yet to see a man multi-task... They simply aint wired that way... Well at least he isn't wired that way...

That Jeff... Was just thinking I should really treat him nicer, when he decides he shall tease me about a certain someone... So learning to ignore him for now with regards to the teasing... I simply dont get it... Everyone else has stopped... But he is always half a beat late... Sigh... But seriously speaking, I am beginning to see the better side of him... The more gentlemanly side... No longer the boy-boy side...

Was reading through my friend's blogs... And did this personality test... Think it describes me quite well... Dunno about the balanced part... But how much can an online test be true I really dunno... You be the judge...

You Have A Type A- Personality

A- You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

 

Reading the book Daniel gave me... God Chicks... Really speaking to me... Haha... Books nowadays are speaking to me more than they were before... Is it the maturity that is coming with age? I dunno... But am definitely getting more books that I am able to apply to my life better...

This is getting too long... Better stop liao...

My 21st Pink Party...

I've turned 21!!!! Had my pink party... The food was great... But of course...  My mummy is such a great cook... The party turn out was rather good given that it is a weekday... The cake was fantastic... Of course, cos I've always had great taste.. Everything turned out quite fine... And I did enjoy myself...

Having a party is one stressful event though... Especially when most of the things needed to be done is like done by myself... I thank God for the help that came along the way... Melissa did quite a bit... Brought the camera... Put out some "fires"... And the help from Lydia is like rather major... She did the nice e-invite... Brought camera to take photographs... Then there is Daniel who took the camera from Lydia and just started snapping wildly... Haha...

There is of course my spiritual family (immediate [ladies] and extended [guys]) to thank for... The "fires" my spiritual sisters had to put out... The help some of my spiritual brothers rendered (automatically or hinted)... I cannot say thank you enough...

The guys who came to my party were of much help... Haha... My cousin's boyfriend was so concerned I wasn't eating the food that he took a plate of food and made sure I ate... Then of course there are the spiritual brothers who mostly surprised me... Haha... Throughout the night, Melvin kept asking me to not be so busy... Haha... That I should be enjoying my party... I was pleasantly surprised when Yinghan and Melvin volunteerily helped me gather the people, cut the cake et cetra... Then there was Dex who helped me give out the cakes... And he passed me my own cake to ask me to eat... I was like thinking shouldn't I be the one giving you the cake? Haha... When Jeff came to help me drink the second drink my brother mixed cos no one else would, I was pleasantly surprised too... Weicong was so concerned about me getting drunk... Haha... Told me not to drink if I couldn't take it anymore... He of course doesn't know that I am a girl who holds her liquor very well... Haha... Seriously, the guys ain't half as bad as we sometimes say they are... They just need the opportunity to allow their gentlemanliness (is there such a word?) shine...

My spiritual sisters are of course helpful too... They did the things no one really notice... Like when Daeyna stormed out... Shirong was crying... Et cetra... The "fires" they had to put out...

Some guys are simply put, too good to be true... Haha... But of course they do have areas of growth that need to be addressed, but on the whole, they are the kinda guys girls are looking out for... The gentlemanly, quietly doing things backstage without a need for anyone to notice...
Weicong, helped me entertained my little cousin Keith (who everyone found soooo cute...) the whole evening... His concern for me getting drunk was just as a spiritual brother ought to... And then during the prayer, he was again asking the rest not to dunk me with flour... He is as a spiritual brother should be... Always protecting fellow sisters from danger...
Dex, did a lot of little things I think... Things that others have pointed out... Apart from helping me distribute the cake... He other things like sweeping the floor of the mess my cousin made... Sweeping the floor of the flour my spiritual family dunk on me... Drove my spiritual sisters to the MRT station (and getting lost while coming back)... He probably did more than I did see... When we went out after the party, he had no qualms about having an overloaded car... Haha... When we went for supper (or should I call it breakfast since it was at 4am)... And I went to foot the bill, got scolded by him... Haha... Rather MCP I feel... He then drove us all back home, though he had to meet Nigel at 1pm... This guy is too nice... Ditto to what Des said... He is really a genuine guy, with no hidden agenda...
These two guys are probably the kinda we can term Godly guys... Man after God's heart... And ditto to what Yvonne said... They should write a module in SOL to teach boys to become men... Haha...

The gifts I got were rather similar throughout...
Gabe gave me a basketful of Lavender scented toiletries from Crabtree & Evelyn...
My cousin gave me shower gel and lotion from Body Shop...
Daniel gave me the book God's Chick... A book that I have been wanting to buy...
Weikang gave me the book The Essential C.S. Lewis... A very very thick book...
Yiting's cell gave me a pink striped bag...
Dex gave me a very loud pink bag, a red cross choker like necklace...
Winston a silk scarf (which he kept asking me to model it)...
Elissa, Jennifer, Peiyi, Seokie gave me a red necklace...
Simin, Mingjie and Elise gave me a blue necklace...
Alicia gave me a pair of orange earrings...
The ladies from my subzone gave me a pair of pink earrings and pink skirt (which sad to say, the bottom to stripes of lace tore when I washed it... I'm so sad)...
Weicong gave me perfume from DKNY Be Delicious...
My brother's girlfriend gave me perfume from Body Shop...
Dale, Sean and Lydia got me $30 Heeren shopping voucher... (eh u guys noe me well enuf to get me a present lor!)

Pastor Debra gave me $20 taka shopping vouchers...
Kai gave me a handmade brooch and Royce chocolate...

Shang, Bingkai and Mark gave me WOW #1s...
Melvin and Yinghan bought me this huge matchstick...

My aunt gave me an ang pow...
And so did Melissa's mum...
I think that's all of the presents... Thank God for them... Cos some of these things are stuff I won't buy for myself cos I would have rendered them useless to me at the price that I am going to pay... But nevertheless, these presents made me feel loved... haha... Be it the lack of taste in it (for the presents that some of the guys bought)... Or the total knowing what I need gifts that I got... Makes me feel loved, cos it is afterall the thought that counts...

Shall stop blogging liao... Think it's too long... Haha...

here's the pictures...