it's been a long time since i last blogged... haven't felt the urge to blog until today... some how i felt the need to blog... to journal my feelings today... because i need to remember it... until the day it is fulfilled...
His timing is always perfect
"if this is pruning Lord, please make it a little less painful... i dunno how long i can last... this aching pain is a little to much to bear... i am afraid i might just turn cold..." this was a silly statement i made while going through a season in life... sometimes, i am really unsure of what the Lord wants me to learn out of the whole process... but He is revealing it to me as i seek Him...
was reading the word on Our Journey just a moment ago... and realised that it is indeed a season of pruning for me, just as what Von said... i have probably yet to learn to have that patient trust in the Lord, thus this season of pruning...
"Patience is a learned spiritual art—perhaps one of the hardest ones to find active in our lives... Patience is the skill of waiting well, of yielding our timetables to others and—most important—to the Lord..." i guess i simply have a lot to learn about being patient... living in this time and age where almost everything is instantaneous... instant noodles, instant messaging, shorter flights from point A to B, news from half way around the world is available the other side of the globe almost immediately... things now a days are available almost twice the speed or faster than it was available in the past... that is probably why some of us, me include, want instant patience... haha... if patience is instantaneous, it would not be patience anymore...
there are various things in my life that i would much rather it be granted to me at a faster speed... relationships, with friends, with God... it is easy to make friends... but to maintain a friendship, to bring it to a deeper level... it all requires time... and i am probably not someone who is patient enough... i have a lot of friends... but the people i am closer to are people who made an effort to make this friendship a deeper one... this is an area i need to grow...
then there is the BGR kinda situation... sometimes i am left wondering what is it about me that my guy friends seem to overlook me when they look for a match... maybe i am simply thinking too much... but i am not the gentle, sweet kind of girl that most guys like... and as much as friends may say that in His time God will provide, and i definitely believe that God will provide... i cannot help but wonder if there is anything wrong with me... this is probably an area the Lord wants to mould me in... it is an area in my life that keeps recurring... each time i think that i have let go to God... a new set of challenges comes up... and as much as it is pruning... i am afraid that i might just give up being who i am and conform to the world's view of what girls should be like - the quiet, demure kind of girl... i might just give up being me... being the vivacious, crazy girl i am... i am afraid i might lose who i am eventually when i grow tired of waiting and i have yet to grow in this aspect... i am afraid that i might settle for something less than the best of God...
O Lord, guard my heart and guard it well... I know You won't stretch me beyond what I can bear... I am willing to be prune by You... but Lord, help me endure the pain, for I am afraid I might just give up on this blessing that You have for me when I come out of this season as You have planned... Father I want to bear more fruits for You... So I give You the freedom to prune me... I want to yield to Your timetable... Because Your timing is always perfect... Help me grow in patience, in gentleness... Help me be less guarded, less critical of myself... For I know I am Your Beloved, I am Your Chosen... Thank You Lord for never giving up on me...
For I am Regina Elon Hephzibah... Regina meaning Crowned with Honour... Elon meaning God Loves Me... Hephzibah meaning My Delight Is In Her (Isaiah 62:4)... Thus I am a princess of the King of Kings... I am crowned with honour, beloved by Him and I am his delight...
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