Thanks a million...

Christmas is a time I am grateful for many things... It is because of Christmas, that I am alive and well... It is because of the birth of Christ (not Santa Claus) that I am assured of eternity... It is usually around this time that I reflect and look at all the things that the Lord has blessed me with throughout the year... I am so grateful of the life I have today... I am thankful for the wonderful friends that I have, both the old chummies and the new bonds made... I am thankful for the family I have, my biological family (though we don't see eye to eye on things, we still work things out eventually) and my spiritual family (sisters who see me through my low and high points in life)... I just want to thank all of you, especially God, for seeing my through one of the most trying year I've been in... But thanks be to God that I know by 2359hrs on 31Dec2007 I will have had seen many victories in my life... And I am able to enter 2008 knowing full well that God has gone before me... Thanks for a wonderful 2007...

Inspired & Motivated...

A few weeks back Melissa showed us this video about this guy called Nick Vujicic...
He is a man born without limbs... This is another video I found on the web about him...



Often we grumble about our lives... Why is it not going the way I want it... Why is life so unfair... But until we look around and take a rain check... We often miss the blessings we have already received...

Nick is an inspiration... Looking at him, I am ashamed of the times when I have been disgruntled with my life... When I questioned God with "What is the meaning of this?" "Why me?" "Why this?" There were moments in my life when I almost gave up... Almost told God, "God I don't want this life, I don't want my life with You... It's too tough..." Thank God He never ever let me throw in the towel... My God knows me too well, He knows how much I can or cannot take... And He knows too well... He is simply breaking me down so that I can do even greater things, bear heavier blows... So that I can become stronger, become more reliant on Him and Him alone... Nick's life is the epitome of all our struggles... Looking at him, I find no reason why I cannot bear my own stretch tests... God knows how much we can be stretch, how much we can be broken... Only when we are broken, will we truly understand the magnitude of His grace... Psalm 51:17 says - The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (NIV)



Senior Pastor Khong's message on Sunday also reminded me of the need to just simply trust that God is in control... S.P. so aptly puts it "life is not just tough, it is also confusing..." Admittedly, life is tough and there are many many times when I have been confused... Job hunting the past few months haven't been easy on me... Many times I thought "This seems like what God wants me to do..." only to have the door closed on me with no apparent reason... Each time, I just pick up from my disappointment and just move on... Some takes a longer time to recover from, others are easily let go... But each time it is because, I know my God has a higher calling for me... For He has promised in Jeremiah 29:11 - ...For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future..."

After months of unsuccessful job hunting, I gave up... I committed myself to God and asked Him to light my path... Melissa, my spiritual mother, has been with me each step of the way... And I thank God for her... The G12's prayers brought God's peace into my heart, as well as the God of Peace into my plans... I know that my God has far higher plans for me... (Though frankly speaking, there are times when I doubted...)

I believe that each time, God just simply closed the door because it is not where He wants me to be, although I want it quite a bit... With each interview, the Lord restored my confidence... He showed me that the problem doesn't lie with me, and He rebuilt me... Every interview my potential employers seemed impressed with what I could bring to the job... Each interview, I left the place confident... However, due to the fact that I don't want to compromise my service to the Lord because of my job, I have always asked God to show me the right job... There was this one interview that I really want to ace... It was this interview with the National Arts Council... However, at bacteria attack landed me in hospital with severe food poisoning that resulted in me having to be warded for observation overnight... So I was unable to make the interview... Taking a step back and looking at it now, I am beginning to see why my life took such a course... All theses simply steered me into the direction of going into my family business...

Some people have comment that I am fortunate to have a family business to go into... I can't deny that I am blessed to not have to worry about not having a job at any given time... Should I fail in my job search, I always have a job waiting for me back "home"... However, I had my fears... My family have been in this line for as long as I can remember... (which means it has been at least 20 years...) We started off small, expanded and then failed due to bad investments... That resulted in my dad becoming a bankrupt... They picked themselves up and restarted the business... A few turns later we were running a cafeteria and subsequently closed that to open a restaurant... Then SARS striked and business slumped... And they had to rebuild everything up all over again... Now that they have managed to rebuild everything up, they want to expand... I fear that history would repeat itself... That was why I wanted to take things into my own hands without asking God what He wanted to do with my life... I wanted to find a stable job, just in case things crumble at the home front again... My lack of faith resulted in my overworked parents warring with each other again... Thus, I have decided that my dreams and ideals can be put on hold... I need to unite my family so that the business won't go bust again... They have built a good name for themselves over the years, tending that one stall... Now that they have three, the stress is tripled, thus they are starting to fight again... One thing I know though... Going into the family doesn't mean that my parents won't quarrel with each other... In fact, I believe there will be more disagreement with everyone in the picture... But I know that wherever I go, the blessing will follow... And I know that I am blessed, because I am His beloved... Since the God of Peace is with me, He will bring about peace in the household... But I need to obey His voice and do His biding...

I am going to sit my parents down and speak to them tomorrow... May the Lord grant me wisdom, discernment and favour... May He go before me... For unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labour in vain... I trust that my Lord will go before me... This is the year of victory, and I believe that I will end the year strong...

in need of wisdom...

after sunday's sermon, i've done some thinking... indeed a single locust is easily crush, but an army of locusts is a plague... pastor talked about unity and teamwork in the family (biological & spiritual)... and i guess, the only obedient thing for me to do now is to go into the family business... help out my parents, who've slogged much of their lives for my brothers and i... it's not just a duty to help out in the business, it's an act of obedience...

i thank God for the counsel that He has provided in this decision... some that i've spoken with regarding this decision supports my choice of obedience... there are others who are asking me to think twice... weighing my options, i guess the former group provides sound counsel... (also because i know the people in the former group longer and trust them better...)

weighing out the pros and cons, i think i see more pros than cons... i know that i would be a blessing to wherever i choose to go and work at... so seriously speaking, why not bring these blessings to the people i love and care for the most... (selfish, but true...) besides, after the couple of job interviews i've went for, none has brought about news of employment... and since i have a perpetual position opened for me, why am i forgoing it... how silly and blinded can i be?

besides, this might be the turning point for my family's salvation... and also a place where i can definitely have a say and an influence over the decision making... i would also enjoy flexibility in my schedule... it would just solve a whole lot of problems...

for now, i shall sit on it for a little while longer... will make my decision soon... may the Lord's wisdom and guidance be upon me...

(-_-'|)

was reading a friend's blog and saw the amount of stress he has placed on himself that resulted in the decision he had made... it made me ponder for a second... it took courage to take a step back and re-think your life choices at any point of our lives... i am finding myself at this juncture of my life too... taking a step back and re-looking at how i want to live my life...

the arts is suppose to be fun... it is suppose to be something i love... but at this point of time, i wonder, if there is a place for me in the arts scene in singapore.... i am not doing anything in relation to it... and it is making me feel as if i am wasting the time and effort my mentors had placed on me through the years... i am not getting casted, i am not getting paid... i need to feed myself and maintain a healthy bank account... but, right now, right here, i am unemployed... i would love to find some work related to the arts industry in singapore, but i can't seem to find any... so i am turning to another industry where i know i will excel in... public relations/ events management... will have to wait and see how the job seeking goes...

the good thing though is, during this break... i am finding rest and spending time with some old friends of mine... it's been a good break... a much needed rest... am just wishing it would last a little bit longer... but hopefully it will end soon... bank balance is beginning to look a little anorexic... well, guess that has got to do with my rather bulimic spending lately... haha... it'll come back... it will... it will...

this is good...

dale, janice & i met up for dinner...
had dinner at Pho24, which served rather nice pho...
then we headed to 2am... this few months old dessert bar at holland v...
the desserts are scrumptious... i like...

nice chocolate tart. bittersweet molten chocolate. tart sorbet. delightful.

unique cheesecake. great mix of textures.

soft and creamy. just right.

down with food poisoning...

my food poisoning was so bad... i had to be hospitalised!
because of that, i missed an interview with the national arts council... really wanted to work at the council... sigh... pray hard that they'll give me a second chance, cause i really didn't expect it to happen this way...
was warded overnight for observation, so my G12 sisters came to visit... nuanyi even brought a mixed bowl from the florist i was helping out at while she was ill...
well... it's my 1st time being hospitalised... sort of enjoyed it in a perverse kind of way... haha...
i was bored so i took some photos...
this is the first time i was placed on a drip... and due to the fact that the first doctor though i ought to be discharged earlier that day before the senior doctor decided that i ought to be placed under observation, this was the second plug that they did on my other hand... apparently my blood vessels are so thin, the doctors needed to find the smaller plug to fit me... (if only my body was small size too... sigh)
this is the mixed bowl nuanyi brought from flower matters... and the daisy at the base is from gwen...
decided to give gwen's daisy it's own shot...

Rough terrain ahead...

The past few days have been tough... Really need time off to just think things a little... It hadn't been easy handling my own expectations and reality... Coming out from an interview with verbal agreements that I would start work on a project basis, while on probation... Only to receive an email the next day to be notified that I hadn't been offered the position... Its tough... The 24 hours after receiving the news were the hardest I think... Every time I got asked about it, when I think about it, I wouldn't be able to control my emotions and just breakdown... I didn't want to get out of the house, I just watched comedies and sleep...
Being forced out of the house on Wed to teach did me good though... Having shut myself out for one day, crying and dealing with my emotions... It diverted my thoughts away from the things that had caused me to be upset... Bought a pint of Hagen-Daz Melon ice-cream from the mart and ate 3 scoops of it... Finished the rest of the pint the next day... Guess comfort food does comfort me quite ok... Hmm... I'm feeling much better now... At least I'm not crying over the thoughts now.... But didn't join Val to lead cell cause I wasn't feeling up to it still... I still need the time-off to sort out my thoughts and feelings...
Got a call from Dale today... Needed to talk about FAW... What he told me shocked me quite a bit... Didn't realise things wasn't going very well during the past few months... Guess they all thought I was too busy to bother... But am disappointed at how somethings were handled... I still can't believe that that person did all that... It could have just ruined everything that everyone else was trying so much to rebuild... I know that they all thought that I was busy and didn't want to disturb me too much... However, the audacity of this person to not even inform me about the meetings is a little upsetting... I am after all still the secretary of FAW... Have been and would still be if not for this person... I'm sorry Martin for having been so busy, but how could it be that the person we've tasked with covering my duties have put you in such a position and yet you didn't call me for help? You silly boy... But I guess whatever that has been done is done and we can't reverse time to rectify it... We've all gotta learn from our mistakes and move on...
With my life, I've decided to move on... If this organisation doesn't require my services, I just have to move on and know that I'm just not suited for that position... God has better plans for me and His ways are definitely higher than my own... I just have to be patient and see where the Lord leads... When He closes one door, there's always another door to be open... Or at least He'll leave the windows open... I'm sure as confused and lost as I have been feeling the past few days, I will be able to find my way soon... His promise to me is that when I call to [Him], [He] will answer [me] and tell [me] great and unsearchable things [I] do not know... Jeremiah 33:3... My God will never lead me to a dead end... He will make a way, when there seems to be no way...

taken that step...

just sent in my resume to ms thio... it's a step i am taking to abide in His voice... haha...

have been working as a temp at HQ for 2 days now... it's been a breeze for me as it has just been simple administrative tasks... should i however turn full time, my portfolio would be one that takes care of the primary programme and either become webmaster or officers' development...

pray with me... do wish to work there if it is God's will... =)

at a crossroad...

have been pondering this issue for a while already...
although i was suppose to have had turn full time with this particular company, let's just term it X, i have not... which has placed me in a dilemma of whether to stay on with them or move on...
moving on is definitely an option... yet, there seems to be unfinished business and lots of loose ends to tie up on my side at X... i was suppose to compile this list of schools and its contacts... which i have yet to do... i should just settle it la... then, i have to complete teaching at a school till sept for 2 mornings... i don't really wanna move on, but i guess i have to at the end of the day... i mean, i was taken out of a project and not given any more tasks or projects... resulting in just one source of income that won't come in till october or november... will i can always look to that as savings... but, i am now surviving on what 2 other companies owe me about a total of $600 plus... plus my monthly tuition fee of about $200 plus... it is miserly... and my family's financial situation ain't helping... need to help my parents pay off stuff... i am not sure what to do... i was given an email addy with that company and the bosses said they were printing name cards for me... then after one rather bad project that i handled, which was not exactly my fault, i was practically yanked out of most projects at hand... somehow, i have a feeling that it is not coincidences... i have this strange feeling that it is simply the Lord telling me that He has better plans for me...
was down at GBHQ earlier today... was simply there to drop off some forms and collect some stuff... ended up talking about me working there either on a part-time basis or a full-time basis depending on my schedule... i am not sure if this is where the Lord is leading me... but while reading the 40-day fast devotions, the word spoke to me about the atmosphere... though it was speaking about the atmosphere in the church... i felt that the Lord was telling me that He wants me to have a new atmosphere at work... i have been under too much negative influences... i need to be refreshed and be found in a positive and godly atmosphere before my spirit man dies off... after all, our marketplace is our church and we are called to be marketplace ministers... yet, should i take up a position at HQ (where everyone is already a believer) i am not really sure where i become the marketplace minister... hmm... something to pray about... but apart from the word that spoke to me about a move... there are also other factors edging me on...

1. financial situation at home needs me to have a stable income...
   
2. they are looking for people to fill up places and i am qualified for it...
3. Christian working environment, would help me become more disciplined in my daily personal devotion time with God...
4. won't interfere with my serving at 46th...
5. i already know the programme, just need to revamp it a little...

however, there are also concerns...

1. might have events that would clash with certain church wide events
2. it's definitely a pay cut from what i earn as a freelancer...

the pros seem to outweigh the cons... hmm... well... still have to pray over this situation... need direction as to where to go... well... if this is what the Lord has planned for me... He will open the doors... and i will be offer the job at 2.2-2.4k before cpf... it might seem like a big request... but ultimately, i know the Lord won't shortchange me... He will provide for me definitely... i just have to trust and obey... =)

an eventful saturday...

helped Angie with the leadership conference today... was suppose to teach at the workshop and then I could leave... didn't really intend to stay for the whole conference actually as I had intended to meet Val to finish up the 100k in town... however, when I messaged her in the morning to call me when she was done with Jap class, she replied with "I'm gg back home after japanese, my hermit crab came out of e shelll.." with that, i decided to stay on at the conference...

during my workshop while the girls were discussing their mini presentation, I filled in my 100k log book... then 1 of them came to me and said that she was asked the day before but didn't have time to do it... so I looked at her and said, "I can bless you if you want to. Fill this out and I will pray for you." with that I blessed this little girl... She has a cute name, Zena... prayed for her during lunch...

as I chatted with 1 of the post-sec girls who came back to help out, I took the opportunity to ask her if she wanted to be blessed and be part of the 100k too... her name also happened to be Angeline... prayed for her too... with that, I begin to see why I was staying on at the conference... there are girls here who needs to be blessed too!

I think that is what divine intervention is... I had my plans to go and bless total strangers along Orchard Road... but God had plans for me to bless His daughters at the conference...

after lunch the girls when to do drills... as usual I was handling the team-building games... delegated it to the girls and the post-sec girls helped to oversee them... while the girls were setting up, I went about my own thing... walking around, doing basically nothing... haha... as I was walking around, I realised that 1 of the girls was hyperventilating... went over to help her and I asked 1 of the girls who was just standing around to go get a bag for her to breath into... Angie and Mun Lun (not really sure of his name) came over to help with the situation too... looking back at the incident, it was simply God putting me at the right place at the right time... if not, the poor girl would probably still be hyperventilating without any of the officers noticing... we managed to help her recover and kept her from fainting, she went back to normal and we made her rest in the auditorium away from the grueling heat... thank God it wasn't my first time handling a hyperventilation case... my brother hyperventilate a few years back before and I managed to help him with help from some friends back then...

my first heart attack moment came as the drills were about to end, Angie realised that her next speaker hasn't arrive yet... she looked at me and asked me to "entertain" the girls until she arrive... as I racked my brains for ideas, I remembered my favourite song "God's family, God's children"... thank God Clare was making up her leadership conference so I had her to help me demonstrate the actions to the song... then, 3 girls identified themselves to be from 2nd Coy (Xueling's girls) and so I was blessed with 3 other helpers to demonstrate the actions... so with that, I kept the girls busy for a good half an hour... it seems that the girls adore that song... maybe it is because it is a cute action song that made them move around a lot... haha...

second heart attack moment was when Angie looked at me and said... "it would be nice to have a worship session before the pastor speaks tonight..." with that, I simply looked at her and said... "I can lead worship, but I would need a guitarist..." 2 girls came to aid me... so with almost no practice, I lead worship that evening... Began the session with God's family, God's children, followed by Heaven on the inside of me and I love You Jesus, deep down in my heart... Thank God the girls sorta already know the actions to all 3 songs... but I still had to teach them the actions to Heaven on the inside of me, so that we all had a unified action... went into the slower songs... New Every Morning and Sing Your Love... Thank God I took the songsheet from Val the night before at cell... I guess, it had been a long time since I last led worship to a congregation above 5... it was yet another humbling experience, yet when I saw the girls worshiping, I knew that the Lord was pleased... =) it was also a reminder for me to actually go learn the guitar properly and not half-heartedly... haha... after all the sessions have ended and I dismissed the girls, some girls came up to me to ask me for the powerpoint slides of the worship session... I was pleasantly surprised... it was as if God was telling me He loved the worship and He wants more of it with a different group singing to Him...

after pastor finished his word, I was to help with the feedback forms and dismissal... as the girls filled out the forms, I announced the winners and losers of the team-building games... the losers came down to do their forfeit... initially it was the girls who were supposed to do their forfeit... but Mun Lun came and said that we will do the forfeit with the girls... we were to sing "Therefore be justified"... he is a funny character... came up with the zaniest ideas... didn't believe he was working in GBHQ initially... didn't believe he is of the same age or slightly older than me, he just simply don't act like he is... well, he is one person I will probably see each time I go down to HQ in the future...

for once in all the leadership conferences I have taught, this is one that made me felt like a star... haha... after dismissing the girls to go home, I have girls coming up to me to ask me for my email, my number etc... guess I had impacted them somehow or another during the conference and they want to keep in contact with me... was seeing how the divine intervention has resulted in so many amazing divine moments...

as I gave the post-sec girls a lift to the interchange, I also took the opportunity to bless Ching Yee with the 100k... well... I thought that would be the end of me blessing today... at least I blessed 3 more... then as I was walking back to my car after I walked Ching Yee and Jieying to the train station from the carpark above the interchange, I bump into the 2nd Coy girls and 2 54th Coy girls... took the opportunity to ask if they wanted to be blessed, the 2nd Coy girls were already blessed and 1 of them attends FCBC too... but I blessed the 2 54th Coy girls, Cheryl and Cherilyn... by another divine intervention, I not began talking to them about the blessing of the 100k, I got them to tell me more about themselves... I ended up driving them home... after talking to them, I felt that there is more I can do for these 2... invited them to join us before service on Sundays if they wanted help in their studies... well, I shall see if they contact me soon... if not I will check in on them on Weds...

although I was 2 short of the 11 I reported, by faith I believe I will complete my 20 by Sunday... =) still... I am thankful for the divine interventions in my life today... because of God's timing and placing, I have had been a blessing and was greatly blessed...

Are you part of the 100k?

ちょうどYvonneをValerie のために。

はじめまして、レぎなです。づおぞよろしくおねがいします。
ともだちYvonneに日本語をおしえてもらった。
Valerieに日本の検査が明日ある。私は彼女と彼女が検査のために調査するようにあった。
これは日本語でblogging 私を得た。
YvonneをValerie 、私に日本語を教える為にどうもありがとうございます。

Just another insane babbling...

This is driving me a little insane... Thank God for the work and activities that would take my mind off this issue... I think I have been harping on this issue for far too long... Was talking to Val about it just now... Concluded that the desire for me to settle down is there, but I am denying it's existence by numbing my feeling to it and silencing it with thoughts that it won't happen... Why have chosen to ignore my feelings, my desire? I guess it probably have a lot to do with society's perceptions... I just feel that I am not good enough for the guys around me... I don't know if this is an inferiority complex... But I just think that I am too engross with work to sufficiently pay attention to my potential partner for life... It won't be fair if he is the one constantly giving to me and I am too busy to spend time with him etc... Hmm... My dilemma... On one hand, I desire to have a boyfriend who is a potential husband, date to see if things would work out, get married and have kids eventually... All before I turn 30... On the other hand, I don't think I am able to achieve this desire... Sigh... What to do? What to do?
Apart from the fact that I am focusing on building my career at the moment, I do think I might be ready for a relationship... Being busy with work is simply an excuse to escape from looking at reality... Oh well... I've done pretty well not being in a relationship for so long... A couple of years more might not kill me that badly... Hmm... Allow me to dwell in self pity for a moment... Sigh... Que sara sara, whatever will be will be... The Lord will work His plans...

理想与夢想。。。

最近老是觉得被爱和恋爱离自己很远。
在我忙于工作时，我似乎忽略了一些朋友，和他们接触的时间渐渐的减少了许多。
我想我很有可能是个工作狂吧。一投入与工作时，可以把一切都忘掉专注于工作，一直到完成了才会去理会一切。或许我太task了吧，不懂得怎么balance人与事吧。
我的老板成说过我是属于那种先把事业基处打好了才会去谈恋爱的一个人。回想起他那一番话，或许说的也有他的道理。
我想我那一个想在三十岁前结婚生子的欲望泡汤了。事业刚刚才起步，都还没有稳定。我觉得这一刻的我是一个不懂得付出的自私鬼，不值得爱。很多人都说，爱情来时是无法抵挡的。我想我的理想与梦想终久存在于理想于梦想，处于不可能在进期间发生的一件事。說到來，我想我只能听天由命，该来的终就戏来的。问题只是迟早而一。

Transitions..

Am going through one of the major transition in life I guess... I sorta went full time at this particular drama company, Les Thespians Drama, towards the end of June... Prior to that, I was made project co-ordinator for a couple of projects... Some how, as I continue my work in this particular company, I feel satisfied... Maybe it is because of the fact that my bosses are nice people who see the potential in me and not what I have achieved... They both have a generous spirit, giving beyond themselves... Though working for them maybe stressful at times, it is because I want to give over and above my 100% as my bosses have put in that amount of effort first... Unlike with some of the other companies I've worked with, this is one company who values their employees and seek to help them improve, and the bosses work damn hard...

Another reason could be that I work well with my one and only other full time colleague, this American Chinese Indian called Michael... (We sorta started being full-time in the company together) Though the company is not new, the concept of having full-timers besides the bosses is... It is rather amazing how well we work together... The two of us work hard together for the better of the company because we really see the sacrifices made by our bosses... Anyway, a more amazing thing is how well I click with his girlfriend Cheryl... Cheryl and I can go on forever... Haha...

Many projects are coming up and it simply spells B-U-S-Y for me... The mammoth task that I am in the process of is the cleaning up of the office-store... The place is cluttered... (Sorta like the condition my room is perpetually in...) So before Mike and I can begin using the office proper, we need to get the clutter out of the room... Thus, we have been clearing and cleaning the seemingly impossible... Because of my administrative skills, I am tasked with inventory... Haha... An even more impossible task... Haha...

Apart from the mammoth task of cleaning up the office space, I am given a few other projects to take care of... A few of which has just concluded, but the paperwork is just beginning... Also am going into school to teach and facilitate on behalf of the company...

I am busy, but at least every day is a new challenge... I enjoy the challenges my job brings... It tires me out, but I am simply relishing the moments of accomplishments... There are many plans my boss have for Michael and I, by the looks of it, we are going to be super busy in the following months... I just can't wait for the challenges that will arise and overcoming it will be sweet success...

Guess the bottomline is that some transitions are essential and in this case definitely worth it...

愛

讀了大頭芬的世界，有一段文字讓我差一點掉淚。

“愛一個人不一定要擁有﹐但擁有一個人就一定要好好去愛他。你的肩上有蜻蜓嗎﹖”

有時候，我們會 take for granted 周圍的人。我們會 neglect 他們，沒有好好的珍惜他們。但是，一但他們從身邊離去時，才後悔沒好好的去愛他。我不只是在說 bgr，而是每一段 relationship ﹣ 朋友之間的友益、男女之間的戀情、家人之間的關心。。。

因為有愛，所以是他的朋友或親人。因為愛一個人，所以要那個人好好的活下去。因為愛一個人，所以要他開心。愛。對麼些人來說，是一個長挂在嘴邊的字。對另些人來說，是一個很難說出口的字。每個人表達愛的方法都不同。有些人，莫莫地愛。有些人，豪放地愛。個有千秋。

我。。。不是很懂得愛。

我想，我是那种不常表達愛的人吧。對一些人而言，在他們眼里，我會是個對愛滿豪勱的一個人。但我不覺得我是。我不懂得愛，也不敢常式去愛。我怕受傷害，也怕會傷害道別人。我覺得我已經 take for granted 我周圍的人。

我還有資各去愛与被愛嗎？有嗎？

很冒頓，但我覺得有時候我做到了“愛一個人不一定要擁有﹐但擁有一個人就一定要好好去愛他。”我想我是一個看到他人開心，我就開心的一個人。

我的朋友你快樂嗎？

In the midst of packing...

I'm in the midst of packing my room... Having been saying that forever... But this time I am serious about getting the trash out of my room... Been a karang guni (rags and bones person) for too long... My brothers have been naming my room a dog's kennel... My parents have been nagging me to pack up... This seems to never end... Shall put a stop to it before I get any busier... Made some progress... Love my shelves... Heehee...

A tough call to make...

Have been rather blessed by this company that I am working for... Because our boss treats everyone like family, the company is very family like... We're there for one another no matter what time of the day... I am grateful for all that my boss and the company is doing for me... The stabillity and trust he has given me... Thank God for this company...

However, as I get into this company, I find myself to be in a rather tight position... It all start with this one project, which due to sheer coincidence or fate, I was not originally casted in but was later on casted into the role... I felt bad initially as the role was originally supposed to be played by a friend of mine, however, because she couldn't make it for the first read and I could I was casted over her... Back then when I was casted, I told my bosses that my schedule is booked for that day, but I could rearrange my schedule if they insisted on using me... After a few phone calls here and there, I confirmed that I could do it... So I was on board for that project... My second with this company (did one with them last July)...

I know I have found favour in my bosses' eyes as they confirmed me for another project that would tour the schools... I think my bosses knew that they could trust me to tasks after observing me work... Thus, after that fateful project last month, I was sorta "promoted" (a term used by my close friend-colleagues in the company) to project co-ordinator... It is a test from my boss to see if I am who he thinks I am... Would I be able to be of help to his company... However, I so totally did not expect that I am the one who tell someone that his/her services would no longer be required by the company for that project...

I am one who value my friends... I did not want to have the friendship ruined... However, due to certain incidents, I was tasked to tell a friend and colleague that the company no longer require the person's services anymore... I had to do it... It took me long and hard to do so... I ponder and ponder incessantly over it... So much so that it was just after 12 noon when I was told that this person has been fired... But I could not bring myself to message the person till about after 8 in the night... I had to do it because it is my job to do so... Yet, I knew that it would bring that person certain pain...

For a moment, I had to be completely professional and detached from that friendship and lay that person off... It was one of the most horrible moment of my life.... Yet, if I did not do as I was tasked, my own head was on the chopping block... Having been entrusted with the many projects by my bosses, I had to do what I deemed right at that point of time... Put aside all personal feelings and focus on the task, yet be tactful all at the same time...

Our friendship is probably now rather ruined... However, if the person is unable to be professional about the situation, there is nothing much I can do... I just have to be professional when it comes to work... I need to draw my lines clear... I have financial needs, which I cannot ignore...

Been a lot busier of late... With rehearsals for 2 shows and tuition, as my student is having her mid-year, I haven't found time to breath or even write an entry... Am really sleepy now... But still waiting for my hair to dry before hitting the pillows... Really need to find the time to pack my room... It's in a limbo now... Neither packed nor super messy... Am in the midst of redoing my room, after 5 years... I think I am liken the windows in the sense... Cos it's been five years and now they have Vista... Was watching the mac adds and it really tickled me... Haha... http://www.apple.com/getamac/ it is really smart how Mac spoofed the arrival of Vista... Hmm... Naughty but really clever... Kudos to the people at apple... Love my apple... =)

Would love to blog more... But I guess, would blog more after the conference with Jackie Pullinger at Ministry with the Poor... Hope to catch the heart of God more and receive her anointing of compassion... Can't wait... =)

New phone...

I finally changed my phone...
It's this sleek Samsung SGH-D900 a.k.a. Ultra 12.9...
Love my 3.0 megapixel camera in my phone...
And to begin my blogging with photos taken with this lovely phone...
I took some photos of the cakes served at this fast food cafe and their double chocolate frappe...
Hmm... I simply am falling in love with my new phone...

The only good cake serve I think... Opera...
(Ok la... Not as bad as the rest... In fact it is quite good...)


The so-so oreo cheesecake...
(Er... No comments la... Still prefer the oreo cheesecake at Starbucks...)


The not very nice cheesecake...
(A little too soft... Prefer the cheesecake at Coffee Bean...)


The double chocolate frappe...
(I still prefer the drinks at Grapevine...)

喜欢一个人有时是幸福的，但有时是痛苦的。
被爱是幸福的还是痛苦的呢？ 我觉得被爱是否幸福因个人而定。
如过爱你的人你也喜欢，那么被爱是幸福的。如过爱你的人你一点好感也没有的话，那么被爱将会是痛苦的。
时间地利人合能撮合一对情侣，或者把一段美丽的友谊给摧毁了。

life is good...

haven't been so happily busy le... for a while, i had been busy but unhappy... but now, i am happily busy... it has been awhile since i have acting jobs, so being engaged for 2 shows (1 private dinner show & 1 school tour) is a refreshing change from the mundane teaching of drama... i have longed to return to stage and this is definitely a good change of momentum... will enjoy it while it lasts...
i am exhausted from the mind grueling rehearsals, but i am happy... haven't been this engaged in the mind already... haven't been thinking as an actor for far too long... am a little rusty... but am glad it is all coming back to me now... i still have it in me to survive challenging rehearsals... still have it in me to memorise my lines... i am feeling alive in the aspect of work... had been rather "dead"... i am glad! =)

a random quiz i did... something to do with the key to my heart...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

p.s. i miss you...

this is too all my friends out there whom i haven't met up with since forever...

dear friend,
i miss you. we've moved on with our lives and now our paths don't seem to cross anymore. i am sorry for having taken you for granted, for even being angry with you at times, but i am glad we always work things out... eventually... =)
thank you for being my friend. i thank God for you who have crossed my path. you were special to me at then, and you are still special to me now. it's just that our schedules clash so much that we hardly ever just hang out anymore. besides, we are at such different phases of our lives that it might even seem a little weird to go back to days of yore.
i do wonder how you are doing now. questions like: are you happy now? are you contented with your life? are you exhausted? do you have someone special in your life now? etc...
when we were younger, we shared your joys and tears. now that time has flown by us, things just ain't the same anymore. i do not wish that time would stand still, neither do i wish that we could return to those times in our lives... but i do sincerely wish you well my friends. i would like to continue to share my life with you, i would like to know how you are now... i hope that you are doing well...
no one knows who we will meet tomorrow, no one knows if we would ever meet up again... but i know my God is watching over each of us... and i know that i will meet you once again in heaven (as long as you believe in Him)... =) until then... auf wiedersehen
with love,
regina

旅程

每個人的生命就如一段旅程。從起點到終點，這段旅程由自己定。
在這個旅程中，誰會上車誰會下車都是一個迷。我們不能掌控誰在生命的那一個站上下車。
到了該下車的時候，就不得不下車，要不然就會過站、錯過機會。
生命中的人与事也一樣，從生命裡的起點開始，進出的人也不少。
有些人會陪你一段很長的路，有些可能在下一站就下車了。
下車的人我們也許再也不會在見面了，也許下一站又會再度相遇。
人生的旅程就是那麼奇妙，很多事都不在我們的控制范圍內。
這段旅程有時是孤獨的，有時是熱鬧的。有時你會想靜靜一個人走這一段路，而有時會想要人陪，不想單獨走下去。
生命就是如此，勇敢的走下去吧！
不要太在意明天的路會是怎樣的，努力的把今天過得最充實，把握和週圍的人所相處的每一分每一秒，不要讓自己有後悔的機會。

claims of His promises!

these are the things that i am believing for in my child like faith... though the items requested not very child-like... heehee...

financial providence...
1. more job offers, a permanent job with a theatre company would be good, a stable income... (life as an actor is unpredictable)
2. a new phone with camera and video functions... (my current phone is dying)
3. financial freedom for my family...

spiritual providence...
4. deeper relationship with the Lord... (go deep)
5. salvation of my family... (look far)
6. improved relationship with my spiritual daughters, both already here and still wandering... (ask big)
7. find my 12... (ask big)

physical/ health providence...
8. a healthier slimmer body... (not asking too much right? afterall i do have a gym membership...)
9. freedom of diseases for my family... (no longer to be binded by the spirit of depression...)

emotional providence...
10. better emotional quotient... able to be more sensitive to the people around me...
11. fruit of the spirit reflected in my life through the way i handle my emotions... (actually linked to spiritual providence la...)
12. when the Lord knows I am ready, He will provide the One... in the meantime, help me be patient and not lose hope...

i shall not ask for too much yet... will continue to think and add to the list... but i believe that these things will be added unto me... for the Lord is Jehovah Jireh... my provider!

such a mess...

okie... i have got a few shows lined up, which means i am rather employed right now...

however, because of some misunderstanding that is linked to my current state of employment right now, i think one of my friend/colleague is rather upset with me and the whole situation...

well you see... initially, they had wanted her to play the role i am playing now... but after the first read, i was selected instead... i didn't even know i was selected until the second read, so therein lies the problem... a big miscommunication i think... i thought that she would be there for the second read, i mean after all, they did say it was a second audition and they were auditioning for ah kong too... i didn't realise that this friend of mine won't be there until that morning, when i checked my email and realised that she had been left out of the mailer and later the confirmation that she hadn't been informed when i picked our friend up for the rehearsal that morning... later on, after the rehearsal, our bosses were talking about another play that i am involved in... then came the second shocker for the day... they were going to drop her out of this play too, because her "schedule" clashed... i am not even sure if our bosses informed her of this change of events...
we all have our pride, and to be dropped from two shows just because the bosses assumed that you are not flexible in your schedule isn't fair... if i were in her shoes, i would definitely be jumping up and down in anger too... but i guess, i won't allow it affect me too much after all la... cos i mean, this is how this industry work... sometimes, you get many jobs, sometimes, you don't... we just need to learn to take things in its stride... to let go ba...

i would gladly swop places with her... however, i am not the boss and i don't have the last say... we are all waged actors... we don't really call the shots... until the day we do... we just have to be resigned to the fact that some days are better than others... we simply just have to let go and look forward to the next job available... such is life... you win some, you lose some...

i am simply thankful to God, that He has blessed me with these opportunities after a whole year...

life ain't fair... but God is good...

好久不見，我終於有話要說了。

有一段時期沒blog了，有一點不知到要寫什麼。
這一段時期很多事發生，有點太忙了，因此就少blog了些。
其時也好樣沒什麼好blog的，來來去去也就是那麼些事吧。

有時想想，把我的人生故事寫成一遍遍的文張，會有人要看嗎？
我的生活裡雖然有不少有趣的生活小品，但我不覺得有什麼只得一提的，有時還覺的有點乏味。
不過，讓我感恩的事件真的不少。而這些令我感嗯的事，我覺得我因該把它給blog下來。
從農利新年到見在，神的恩慈讓我從心低的感恩。

thank God for bringing me out of this vicious cycle...

Thank God for helping me see beyond this situation... Haha... what a relieve...

I have been holding on to this crush for nearly three years now I think... Aiya... Does it even matter now? Reflecting upon it though, I think I have been holding on to this crush for sooooooo long is simply because he has been the one constant guy friend in my life... I mean, of all the guys I have been hanging out with, this person has been a constant la... When people ask me what I see in him, I often have no answer... I guess this is what it means by "love is blind" or rather I feel, "infatuation is blind"... apart from the fact that this person is really mild mannered, there doesn't seem to be much qualities about him... Not that I am finding fault with him now that I have come to realise my infatuation... But I guess I was simply too blinded in the past to even notice his flaws... I thank God that I have been set free from this emotional entanglement that I have set myself in... I can now look at him and know that I do not like him in any ways what so ever, except on a basic friendship...

I guess, I really have to reassess my view on platonic friendships... I guess, there really can't be good close platonic friendships... The boundaries would be blurred after awhile... At least for my case it would... I am simply a girl who can develop likings for guy friends who become close friends after awhile, as long as they meet certain basic requirements... I would say that now, I am able to see the impending "danger" and distant myself when the friendship begin to become greyed...

I simply am thankful to the Lord that I am able to now know clearly what I want and be focused on it... Thank God that He has delivered me from one of my many weak spots... =)

大掃除... a.k.a. Spring Cleaning...

finally got down to what i would call spring cleaning la... rearranged the furnitures in my room... tried to declutter the clutter... haha... i doubt i can ever succeed in cleaning my room... i simply don't know where to start!
argh!!!!
well... i am amazed at what God uses to speak to me or teach me...
simply put... the Lord taught me another important lesson through my attempt to spring clean my room today...
decluttering one area doesn't mean that the clutter would go away, sometimes, we've just relocated the clutter....
we need to be a little "hard" hearted to throw out the useless things that is impeding the process...
when the time comes to let it go, just let it go... it's the same with sin and busyness of life...
another lesson learnt... =)
the cleaning is still on-going... think it'll take a few days, though my room is just about 4m by 6m... i should learnt to procrastinate less... heehee...

Amazing how God works!

Was just wondering how I should face Debbie's & Dhillion's 25 years old brother... And God's word tonight is an answer to my wondering...
The Lord is not pleased to see His children fighting among ourselves... I can see why too! 為何自相殘殺呢？We should not be fighting ourselves but the evil one... Why are we letting the evil one sow seeds of discord within the family and allowing him to win this spiritual battle? It is the evil one's plans to corrupt and perverse the relationships between family... It is his plans to prevent us, Warriors of Light, Children of God, from living a victorious life!
I will NOT allow the evil one to defeat me... Instead, I will defeat the evil one... I will put on the armour of God and be battle ready... I will remain unscath by the accusations... I will react with humility and love... The greatest weapon against accusation is HUMILITY! I don't need to win the argument for that moment, I simply need to win the person over through time....
Whatever the outcome, the Lord is definitely in total control... I simply just have to trust and obey, following the guidance of the Holy Spirit!

Weird Dream...

Had a really weird dream... Dreamt that I went on a date with a guy from another tribe... Didn't dream much about the date, but dreamt more on what happened after the date... SO WEIRD!
After the date, I had the guy's biological brother, who happens to be in the same church, asking me if I like his brother, whether I have room in my heart for him... When these questions were being asked, the person who came into my head wasn't this particular guy, but someone else... So surreal! I was unable to give the brother an answer and he left... Then came the guy's spiritual brothers... They asked me the same questions and again only one person came into my mind...
What made it weirder was that I saw Melissa asking this guy some questions and she seemed satisfied with his answers... I felt torn between 2 guys in this dream... The guy who kept surfacing in my heart and the guy who I went on the date with... I know in my heart there is only room for one... Before I could make a decision, I woke up... How weird is that!

What made this dream top the weird chart is that I remember where the guy works though I can't remember who he is... He works in TYS, and for some unknown reason, I ended up working full time in church... It's freaky... But I don't think this dream would ever be real... As I have no intention of working in church full time... I am presuming that it is just my over active mind playing out the endless possiblities... Whether it is from God, I don't know, but He will reveal in His time...

In the year of victory, things can really be unexpected. Have just been confirmed that I am going to be a facilitator at the TRYBE camp at Kranji Sec. At first when I signed up, I thought I would be in tribe A, together with Melissa, Charmaine and Isaac. A call from Jia Huey in the afternoon informed me that I am to be in tribe B. All is well.
Such little unexpected news, I can still deal with. Just don't have Sandra call me back to work at Mrs SAM's tomorrow, THAT I would be totally unprepared for. I have afterall resigned from there.
"Lord, I pray that Sandra won't call me back to work. I really don't want to go back there, unless of course it is to collect my pay."
Going to have a meeting/briefing with Nora and the rest at InwardBound on thursday morning. Praying that I would get a school near my parents' shop. I really want to do well to be used after this project. And I really hope that I would find favour in this company. After the meeting, I would more or less confirm my schedule. Then perhaps, I would consider going for the Singapore Broadway Playhouse auditions. Hmm...
"Lord, You are Jehovah Jireh. I know You will provide."
Still thinking about the plans for my "daughters" for 2007, am in need of a clearer direction, so I will continue to pray about it. I want to see them grow deeper in the Lord. Let's just see what the Lord says... =)

Looking back to look ahead.

2006 was a year of Extraordinary Possiblities... Many things were new challenges and many things made me question my own beliefs... It was the year I graduated, a year when I have members of the audience coming up to me after the shows to tell me how convincing my acting was... Yet at the same time, it was also a time when I questioned my own ability, as I go from auditions to auditions to find no jobs... Then there were also the jobs that I got stuck in and found no joy in... Then there was the new job that I felt was the Lord's gift for the new year... I quit my previous job and joined the new job, which will start next week...

In ministry, it was a year of ups and down... 2006 saw the cell shrunk to 2 with additions along the way... A cell that was 5 became 2 overnight, it was a shocker to me and made me doubt my own life and leadership skills... My confidence was definitely shaken, the thought of leaving church was on my mind as I felt totally unworthy and very much a failure... I was so far from God and other areas of ministry were simply motion for a period of time... The Lord indeed is faithful and He has never let me go even though I failed Him in so many areas... Thank God for His love and my leader's love, without either, I would definitely have fallen away... The year 2006 ended with 4 in the cell, and definitely stronger relationships with each of my "daughters"... The shaking and moving of the cell was God's way of reminding me to rely on Him, to be faithful to the things He has placed in my life for me to take care of... Never has this statement ring so true: "Be faithful to the little things and He will add unto you." This is a lesson I have learnt well in 2006...

2007 is the year of Victory! I will walk into the year victorious. Nothing will bring me down, nothing will prevent me from accomplishing the things that I want to do for the Lord... For "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (philippians 4:13) I will walk 2007 as a warrior of Light! I will be His warrior princess... I will fight like a girl, for God made me a girl and there are battles only girls can fight... I will continue to build into my "daughters'" life...

In 2007, I will be victorious!