Just another insane babbling...

This is driving me a little insane... Thank God for the work and activities that would take my mind off this issue... I think I have been harping on this issue for far too long... Was talking to Val about it just now... Concluded that the desire for me to settle down is there, but I am denying it's existence by numbing my feeling to it and silencing it with thoughts that it won't happen... Why have chosen to ignore my feelings, my desire? I guess it probably have a lot to do with society's perceptions... I just feel that I am not good enough for the guys around me... I don't know if this is an inferiority complex... But I just think that I am too engross with work to sufficiently pay attention to my potential partner for life... It won't be fair if he is the one constantly giving to me and I am too busy to spend time with him etc... Hmm... My dilemma... On one hand, I desire to have a boyfriend who is a potential husband, date to see if things would work out, get married and have kids eventually... All before I turn 30... On the other hand, I don't think I am able to achieve this desire... Sigh... What to do? What to do?
Apart from the fact that I am focusing on building my career at the moment, I do think I might be ready for a relationship... Being busy with work is simply an excuse to escape from looking at reality... Oh well... I've done pretty well not being in a relationship for so long... A couple of years more might not kill me that badly... Hmm... Allow me to dwell in self pity for a moment... Sigh... Que sara sara, whatever will be will be... The Lord will work His plans...