1 more assessment 2 go!!! n e academic yr ends!!!

School has been so hectic that I can hardly breathe... Haha... Why did I even volunteered to do Jungle Book as dresser? Why O why did I? Well I think when it all boils down, I just wanna show my poor friend, who has been so stressed out by the whole production that as a friend, I love her and also hopes that she sees that God loves her and she is not alone... It think that was my motivation... When a friend is in need, and you offer a hand, that is when she feels loved... It's as if God placed His host of angels around you to help you in your times of need...

Sometimes, I don't know why I even agree to do anything thing at all... Getting myself into unnecessary obligations... Haha... I should learn to say NO more... But then that would be rather selfish of me huh? Well, I guess, I have learnt through the years to be less committing... I used to commit myself into so many things that I don't seem to have my priorities right... But God has been very very very patient with me and by His grace, I think I have grown tremendously in this area... Haha... I believe I am sorting out my life alot more nowadays... Gone are those days when I say yes to everyone who require my help... These days, I weigh out my priorities and then commit if I can... So like the Jungle Book case, I told V that I can help her out for thurs and fri but not sat... Afterall, sat is church day!!! I wouldn't miss it for anything else unless of course it is obligatory for me, as in part of my assessment and stuff...

The Post-Sec GB thing is sorta driving me crazy... I seriously dunno what I am doing except call the girls... Haha... I think that's all I am suppose to do rite? So confusing... Anyways, it this saturday and since I am not coordinating anything, I shall not fret... Haha...

Today's paper was crazy... Though I prepared well enough to pass, and even already wrote out my essay (happens that our lecturer felt it was okay for us to pre-write our essays)... I did not manage to complete it on time!!! In the end, I ended up writing my second half of my second essay in point form!!! Argh!!! My worst nightmare came true!!! I always dream of such things happening on me each time I have essays to write in exams... I have too much to say!!! *Sigh~!* Anyway, I think I did pretty okay... Now to wait for my lecturer's comments... The torture!!!

 Lord, please see me through this paper and this sem with results that You deem fit and would bring glory to Your name O God... This would definitely be a good time to gimme Your shovelful of blessings... heehee... But anyway, I know everything is well planned out in Your hands... Thank Your Lord... Amen

Anyway, I think I did good this sem.. Hopefully that is reflected on my result slip at the end of the day... But the final assessment is gonna be a real test... I can't seem to get this form of theatre right!!! I can't do it la... It's too painful... And yet, I know I can do it... I just can't seem to commit into it fully... *Sigh~!* O well, i just have to put more effort into making it work I guess... So it off to rehearsals... But now... I just wanna go home and rest...
It's been a tiring week...

Update... WARNING: This is going to be LONG...

STATEMENT  I have this feeling that no one bothers to read my blog anymore... Haha... Cos I have been so inconsistent in updating it... Apologies too all who have been trying to read an update... So thick skin of me... Haha...

 

 

"...with a mighty hand... His love endures forever"

 

 

This past few weeks have been one hectic week... G12 conference 2 weeks back... Production last week... Everything have been so overwhelming! gosh felt like i had no space to breathe... But anyway who am I to complain? I chose this beaten yet less taken path... I chose to be who I am today... So yeah...
No more complaining, cos God didn't make me a complaining whiny loser... He made me to be more than a conqueror... He made me HIS Princess... And I'm loving it...
 ^{*Muahahahahaha....*}

I actually enjoy being busy, though I was there were days I could just laze around and not bother much about anything... But I guess, I am just one workaholic, who can't stand not doing much... Haha... Geez... I remember this comment made about me... It goes something like that I think... 
"She is a workaholic... Cannot la... Later she don't eat and sleep how?"
Haha... When my friend told me about this comment made about me I thought how true... To me idle hands are the devil's workshop... So I am not going to allow T.E.O to build his workshop at my expense... That's why I guess I keep myself this busy... So as busy as I get... I am so looking forward to the retreat at BATAM!!!!! Yahoo! So exciting...

The G12 conference was simply humbling and supernatural... The first night... Pastor Cesar Castellanos prayed for physical healing... I went down to receive the healing as I was suffering from a chronic sinusitis... As he prayed over the multitudes, I simply smelt this fragrant aroma... A sweet scent that was so soothing... The next thing I knew, I was slain... Ha! And the best part, no one caught me... So I fell and landed on the person behind me who simply moved away and I hit the floor rather unprotected... The healing was simply an awesome manifestation of God's grace... I was healed and He did it... I was simply in such awe that as pastor said who has a testimony to share come forward... And having the stories of the woman with an issue of blood and the ten lepers in my mind, I went forth to testify of God's grace... I so did not want the glory of God to leave me and not have the complete healing... Haha... So KS of me... Still I say GOD IS GOOD!!!! The next time I felt God's presence ever so strongly was on the saturday sessions... As we prayed against the building of the casiNO... I could feel the church all fired up once more... And also I could feel God smiling down at His children as He sees the compassion that we have for the nation... His chosen nation, the antioch of asia... I could really feel how Jesus would feel and I wept hard for this country I call my home... Later when Apostle Khong (my favourite senior pastor) was praying for the heavens to open and for His Holy Spirit to decend on His people and I was simply touched and thus was slain again... Haha... This time, I fell on this big guy, according to WY... She told me she would catch me if I were to be slain again by the Holy Spirit... But seriously, she is so small... Haha... I would have flatten her... But according to her, I fell back onto this big guy, who very calmly placed me down onto the floor, but I very weirdly went to a fetal position... Haha... As I awoke, I felt someone stepping on my hair though... No matter how much I tried to make this person aware, she just refused to budge... Anyway, she stepped on my head a little and thus the bump, and I had to slowly pull my hair out from under her feet to prevent any hair loss... But nonetheless, God has been very gracious to me to allow me to even be in His presence... The best part about it is that I need not do anything about it...
He has long approve of me, because I am His beloved child...
I bought a flag... A flag to twirl and dance with to praise God... For He has blessed me with the talent of dance... I want to dance my heart out for God... Yet, when Pastor William said certain things during congre, I felt my defensive spirit coming up... At which, I prayed and casted it out as I confessed to Mel about the feelings I have... It is an amazing thing God has done in me... I guess I have been moulded more in the area of humility and checking my heart as I grow more aware of my personal intentions... I guess this is what is called growth... Growing in the Lord is easy... I know it cos it happened to me! I simply pray for a more humbled heart... The thought of joining the celebration ministry has been coming and going... But I don't think I am ready... In the past, I guess I would have just told Mel I wanna join immediately... And in the past she reasoned with me why not to join... She has always been so concern with my abilty to cope... I guess it is not so much the ability to cope but more like would I burn out... In the past I guess my heart wasn't right... But now, it is no longer important to me whether or not I am dancing/singing for God onstage at celebration services... I can do the same down below with everyone else and God will still receive the praise and honour... Now the meaning and understanding I have of God has dispelled most of the pride in me... I simply pray for a humble heart... And God hears...
He is just soooooo good...
When I clasp my hands in prayer, God opens His to answer...  How true!

Production week has been one fun week... Rehearsals, bumping in and the works... The reviews from lecturers and peers after the showing was the best... They felt the truth and were deeply touched... Though some of them felt that it was depressing, it was a feeling we had wanted to invoke... So yeah! We succeeded...   ^{*Muahahahahaha....*} This production also helped me appreciate the meaning of my life as God has planned even more... It is liberating and I think I am even more comfortable with who I am right now than before... It is surreal and fascinating... And I think I've let go of certain baggages and learnt more about myself... This has been one painful and truthful journey... Indeed, the truth will set you free... The production also allowed me to peek into my non-Christian peers' lives... And understand why they are who they are... It allows me a greater avenue to pray more specifically for them... It is a case of  "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Yet knowing that I could be just like them, I dare not judge...

Just started writing a play... Somehow, I realised that I just can't seem to defer away from BGR!!! Gosh... Anyway this play is entitled TRUE LOVE WAITS... Haha... So chick flick sounding...  ^{*Muahahahahaha....*} But in any case, it is a play based on Christian values... I had always wanted to write something for God, and for His people, but haven't really sat down and start writing.. So last night I finally started... It sounds a little crappy... But it's only the 1st draft! So whatever... Will edit it later... Now it is the conception of it only... Haha... All the classes in school is paying of huh? Playwrighting... Directing... Acting... When this play is completed I am so going to cast and direct it... But for now, I shall just continue writing it... Hopefully it maybe good enough for church use... In any case, I shan't put my hopes too high up... Afterall, I am doing this for God and for the fun of it... Haha...

Went down to PJC today to visit my lecturers whom I haven't seen since last november I think... Had a chit-chat session with Mr Yeo... He has been my teacher for the longest time... He was my primary one teacher and later when I was in JC, my literature lecturer... We go a long way back... And he actually kept everything from back then... I got back a photo of me! So amazing! Haha... Then there was the class newsletter from back in 1991... Haha... It was simply surreal... And to think I was just complaining how I got no childhood cos I got no photo of myself from those carefree days... Haha... How God answers prayers...
MY GOD IS AN AMAZING GOD...
He shows His love in so many different way... I felt so loved...  
Then I went to give the surprise to Mr Eddie Koh... Not much of a surprise la... He saw me from afar and called out my name... I sat in for his GP class, and realised how times have changed... The students aren't as discipline as those of my time... Haha... Sounding so ancient... But yeah, this batch seems to be giving him a lot of heartache... Yet, sitting in his class, God showed me He remembers I have a paper on Wednesday, of which He provided the answer to through this GP lesson... Haha... Though it was only one sentence, I felt so blessed cos it summed up all that I have to say! And I was still fumbling with it yesterday... Haha...
MY GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS...  (It is so humbling...) 
Went to FMSS today too... Went to return the DVD from 2001... So many donkey years ago... Haha... Anyway, by God's grace He sent an angel to school too... So I didn't feel so out... Haha... I messaged Dale and he happened to be at Holland and the best part, he drove! So yeah got a ride home to change my soaking shoes.. Haha... God loves me... And He looks out for me... Haha... I feel so blessed... Talk to Dale and he told me about how the way to go for alumni is to commit it all to God and not do it the way we used to... It was simply amazing, as I have been having dreams of things of the past, how things seem to be coming to a closure and God is telling me that when we commit things into His hands and surrender our all, we will be more at peace.... And He wanted to give me peace... FAW had always been at the back of my head... I had always wanted to use it as a platform to reach out to those unsaved but know of God and His grace... I had wanted to serve God through this place... Yet I realised that I could do nothing cos I was doing it with my own strength... And did not surrender it to Him... This time around, with what Dale spoke about, I felt that indeed, I need to surrender my all to God, and not do it on my own... It is heartening to see this brother-in-Christ being so obedient to the voice of God nowadays... Just as all my sisters in my "direct" spiritual family spur me on with their testimonies... Hearing this good friend and brother share about God's impact on his life is a joy...
Faith, it rubs off and onto others...
So have faith, those of you who think that you have little... Faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains... So simply believe! 
I so wanna make music for God once again... And I wanna do it together with friends in the band, bringing glory to God and His love to those who have yet to know Him!

When you give God a spoon full, He will honour you with a shovel full... Our God is a GENEROUS GOD!< FONT>

"...with a mighty hand... His love endures forever"

The Lord is my Righteousness, my Provider...

The past weeks have been so hectic I didn't even have time to blog... So now as I sit in the office with nothing much to do... I shall update this old blog...

24 March 05, eve of Good Friday ...
The most amazing thing happened on this day... God showed Himself to be my righteousness... I had always felt persecuted by my classmates... They made fun of my belief and stuff... Yet this day, as the class trash things out about what we don't like about each other, so that we can work more cohesively as a group, I felt that actually they don't hate me that much... :) Things started of by a girl, let just call her A to protect their privacy, asking if girl B and I have issues with each other... To which I answered "no, I don't"... So A said "yeah, we all can see you don't have an issue with B, but B why do you have so much issues with her den?" Then guy C came in and said something along the line of - how I always swallow whatever crao that they give to me and never flare up at them... And something like how C respects me because of that... So all of a sudden, all my enemies actually became my friend for a while... I know they still don't really like me, but yet, they have a respect for me that I never really desired from them... I was quite amazed at how they actually stood up for me... It was really amazing how God worked... And I was really pleasantly surprised...

25 March 05, Good Friday...
I was super duper stressed... Being the one who was handling all the money for my side of girls and having some girls not showing up making those who had invited them quite upset... I became so task-oriented that I actually ignored a lot of people... So bad of me... But through it all, God was indeed in control... He made it possible that we did not lose any money, but in fact, we have sufficient to cover all cost and reimbursements... He is simply the best!

28 March 05, Monday
Was supposed to have done my presentation... But because of time constrains mine has been postponed to the following monday (which is actually tomorrow)... Met the Eunice and Ee Tiean to bring them to GBHQ... These two girls are so blur!!! One thought it was on the 9th... While the other was on a cab that was stuck in a jam and it wasn't until she saw the time and realised that she was terribly late that she used her friend's phone to message me that she will be late... But then, they managed to make it down to meet me and we managed to grab some dinner... And take a cab to HQ without waiting too long for a cab... God is really our provider in all of this... As by the time we reached HQ they should be more or less halfway through, but when we reached, they just started not too long ago and I hadn't missed much... God is really really good...

1 April 05, Friday
Had a series of unfortuanate events happening to me... First I left home without my handphone... Second, while on the AYE, my father's car's front left tyre burst... Third, I was late for school... Fourth, I realised that I forgot to bring my acting file which I needed for class... Fifth, had a tummyache though I hadn't eaten anything the whole day and kept running to the toilet... Sixth, I went to the finance dept to collect my pay which they say they couldn't give to me cos my name hasn't been submitted by my lecturer... but i submitted it weeks ago... Seventh, because of all the delay at finance, my friend and i were locked out from performance prac... Some other things happened to cumulate to ten but I can't remember the other two... But one thing someone asked me was, how come with so many unfortunate things that had occurred to me I was still so joyous... Of which I answered, my joy comes from the Lord, not my circumstances... And of course I do get edgy for a while, but only for a minute or so as there are better things to look forwards to...

Anyway, I need to go prepare for my presentation tomorrow...