warrior chick...

that's what i wanna be... a warrior... not just a mere soldier in the army of God... but a warrior... one who knows her place and her role... one who drinks water alert and aware of the surroundings... one who will not accept defeat... who would pick herself up when things crumble down... one who knows that in all circumstances, good or bad, GOD IS IN CONTROL... i wanna be that kinda woman... a princess... haha... a warrior princess... even named myself dancewarrior for the chingay forum... i will dance... i will sing... i will praise Him... even when i don't think i can garner the strength... in my weakness, He is strong... =D 

setting criteria...

last night at leaders' retreat, some of us stayed up till 3.30 a.m. chit-chatting about the criteria we would like God to have placed in the One... ha ha... like what Von said... Godly guys who can spur us on in our walks with God (and vice-versa) is sorta liken a pre-requisite already...  so what are my deal-breakers then? not long ago I just listed the three... but I guess with certain real-life examples shared before us last night and today, I needed to review those 3 and maybe add 2 more... ha ha...

well... simply put...

1. Accepts me for who I am and not change me to what he wants me to be... but of course if there are terrible character traits in me that needs to be change I'll change...
   
2. Understand my passion for the Arts... (Appreciate the Arts even better!)
3. Loves children... (I didn't think of it as a criteria before, cause I would assume Godly men would love children right? but I think I'd better list it down...)
4. I am comfortable around him... Must be able to CONNECT...
5. Superficial aspect... but nonetheless quite essential... Must be taller than me! (I like to wear heels... Though lately I haven't been wearing them much... But I don't wanna look "bigger" than the guy I am going out with...)

I used to have 42 criteria... but as we grow older, and as we mature, we go beyond most of the superficial aspects... Elle was saying the connect part very important... No connection then bye-bye already... Which I agreed, thus the revision... But I guess the connection part, I have to at least know the person for a while to fully understand if it is simply different frequency... Or was the person reserved and takes a while to warm up...

Nonetheless, I am definitely waiting for God's best... =D in the meantime... I have to try to be God's best for him too... and not settle for second best...

sets me thinking...

went to a school to teach recently, the first class i taught was rather enthusiastic... they were a joy to teach... we had fun and the students learnt well... the second class that i taught sets me thinking... how can youths give up on themselves at such a tender age! what has life served them to cause them to abandon themselves and have them put up such a resistant wall? never in my 2 years plus of teaching have i encountered such a class... from the moment i entered, to the moment i left, the students were indifferent and disruptive... they seem to have been served the worst dose of life... i myself have gone through shit and stuff, but i had never given up hope... what is wrong with the current generation of youths? i had been a youth worker since i myself was in my late teens... never ever had i encountered such youths... or should i say, never had i encountered a whole class of youths who have given up on themselves... i was shocked... it made me question if i was incompetent... thank God that i had a very understanding boss... he reassured me that i wasn't the problem... 1 out of 10 class that responded this way just says that i am doing alright... but still... i can't help but think... what is wrong with the current generation? suicidal tendency has risen amongst the teens of today... there are more "emo" cases around... body mutilation is occurring more amongst the youths of today... have we regressed as a society? everything else seems to have been progressing... is it the influences of the media that has caused such regression? i wonder...

sick...

think i've overexerted myself and now i'm sick...

had the usual dance practice on thursday...

then on friday had chingay dance audition...

on saturday played wii till my arms ache...

sunday got caught in the rain and then accompanied the younger ones to audition for chingay & led warm ups for the whole group...

monday i still went for hip-hop class...

now i am sick... argh!

still have to teach class tomorrow!

commitment phobics?

Are modern day women commitment phobics? I am a modern day woman. I am committed to the causes I believe in. I go to church every Sunday. I commit myself to things I enjoy. Some times I think I am over committing myself into things. I don't think I am a commitment phobic.

But the irony of things is that my job title states "freelancer" - I commit to things that require short-term commitments. And I am rather good at that. I guess that might just label me as a commitment phobic. As I have not committed myself into a full-time desk-bounding job. I do not really commit long-term I guess. But seriously, I am committed to being a freelance theatre practitioner. I am committed to the arts, to the students I teach. Can that label me a commitment phobic? 

I do like to believe that I have been rather committed to God, what some people might call the intangible. I am committed in my walk with God, although there are highs and lows. I mean after all, I have been a Christian since I was 13. I've was baptised when I was 19. I've been in the church I am in since 2002. I have been rather stedfast to this relationship I have with God.

I guess in a sense I would be label a "commitment phobic" because it would have seem that I have never been in a relationship. (Let's not talk about those silly things in secondary school...) I am talking about the kind of relationship where marriage is probably what both are working towards. It might not be the end goal for both in that relationship, but it is something both are working towards. That's the kind of relationship I am talking about. I want that. I want to commit to someone for better for worst, till death do us part. But sometimes I do wonder... Am I afraid to commit???

I do yearn to be love and to love. I do yearn to have some one to walk the rest of my life with, to cherish and to hold. But I just can't seem to overcome my personal barrier. I do fear. I do not fear so much of the commitment. But I fear the what ifs.... What if things don't work out? We won't be friends anymore. What if this... What if that... These are the questions I keep asking myself. I guess it is just the comfort zone that I am in. I simply don't want to lose the friendship. I guess this simply stem from the fact that I can be a control freak at times. And this "what if" is simply too out of my control and I am unable to throw caution in the wind.

Sometimes I wonder. If I had simply gone with the flow and not pay so much attention to the what ifs in life. Would my life be any more different? (I guess not.)

Am I a commitment phobic? Erm, I don't know. 

Do I fear the unknown? Yes I do, but who doesn't.

I want to embrace the unknown. I want to step out of my comfort zone. I am someone who embraces life and I want to embrace every aspect of my life. I am willing to commit. As long as God is in the picture. I don't want to be sucked into this commercial and oversold kind of love. I am an idealist. I want the kind of love God has planned.

So am I still a commitment phobic? Not as much as some others I guess.

courtship 101...

yesterday at cell, those of us who attended the courtship seminar summarised the sessions for the benefit of those who were unable to make it... at this point of time, i don't think any of the singles among us would be starting to go into courtship within the immediate... haha... (laugh at myself)

well... like i've learnt from the lesson... we need to establish capacity for casual friendships... so i have tasked myself to be the casual friends making ambassador... i shall encourage casual dinners after service with guys whom we can all make casual friends with... NO STRINGS ATTACHED... =D i'd like to get married someday... so if i don't start making MORE casual friends... i think... very hard la... haha... since i wanna get married... i shall initiate the casual outings... not just to benefit myself... but EVERYONE! (sounds like a good plan to me) haha...

i went to dig out the old post... the one with the 42 criteria... and was laughing at my own silliness... haha... now i know why Mel asked us to keep it to 3 deal breakers... haha... as for me... now... the One... just have to be.. 

1. a Godly passionate man who can spur me to love God even more...
   
2. a person who will accept me for who i am, but still challenge me to change for the better...
3. someone who can make me laugh and feel comfortable to be around...

no longer asking for the 42 criteria guy (that was so unrealistic)... haha... just the guy God has planned for me... =)

so i didn't major wrongly... haha...

You Scored as Visual&PerformingArts You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in the Visual or Performing Arts (e.g., Art, Art Education, Art History, Ceramics, Culinary Arts, Dance, Drawing, Fashion Design, Film, Graphic Design, Interior Design, Marketing (advertising), Music, Music Education, Music Theory, Painting, Photography, Theatre). It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Visual&PerformingArts 81% English/Journalism/Comm 81% Education/Counseling 75% HR/BusinessManagement 69% French/Spanish/OtherLanguage 69% History/Anthropology/LiberalArts 69% Religion/Theology 63% Psychology/Sociology 56% Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health 44% Accounting/Finance/Marketing 38% PoliticalScience/Philosophy 38% Biology/Chemistry/Geology 19% Physics/Engineering/Computer 0% Mathematics/Statistics 0%

got back my mac!!!!

for a while... i had been mac-less (if there is such a term)... my iBook which has been faithfully working well "died"... and i thought i had lost it for good... in my panic i sent it to "apple hospital" which "warded" it for a couple of days... i received a phone call from the repair people to tell me that there is NOTHING wrong with my iBook... it is working normally... and they were wondering why i sent it in for diagnosis... well... i ain't complaining that it is working NORMALLY now... since it is back with me... all i can say is that my God is a wonderful Father who knows exactly what i need... i believe He was the one who "revived" the laptop even before the technicians laid hands on it... nonetheless, kudos to the mac people... they did a wonderful job... the lady at the apple care centre was so patient... the guys who did the checks were great... making sure that the laptop doesn't conk out again... i am just G-L-A-D!!!

test... test... samsung NV24HD camera...

I was asked to test out the NV24HD Samsung camera... Been playing with it for a few days already... One thing that irritated me initially, was the fact that there were so many buttons on the side of the HUGE LCD screen but NO instructions or guiding words next to them! So when I first got the camera, I was really confused as to how to operate the camera... I don't normally read the instruction manual you see... So actually it's sorta my fault that I got irritated... *grin* 

Well... I am actually quite gadget savvy... Normally, I would just dive straight into trying to figure out the gadgets on my own... That's how I figured out all the gadgets I have from my iBook to my Omnia... so I figured that I need not bother about the manual... I did not succumb to reading the manual, as after the initial confusion for the first 3 minutes, I sorta got it figured out... It's pretty easy to use actually... *grin*

I love the fact that in manual mode, this camera works almost like a DSLR camera! (for those who don't understand techie terms... DSLR = digital single lens reflex...) You know those big bulky cameras... I love working with DSLR cameras, as they allow me to take really fantastic pictures... So the fact that a slim sleek lightweight camera like the NV24HD can do similar stuff was a WOW factor...

So far, I have been playing with the classic mode... which took the photos in black and white... I like those kind of photos when I am trying to be "artistic" haha... But the photo quality is quite good... Words are just words... Look at the photos and judge for yourselves...

this was taken while i waited for my students to come for class...

this was taken when i was travelling to dance lesson... the car was moving... but the photo turned out rather well...

another photo taken on the journey to dance class... (i was bored!)

this image is rather grainy cause I zoomed in all the way into the 10.2 megapixels... then took the photo when the car was moving rather fast... i think i set the ISO too low also... that's why it turned out like this...

So much for now... Gonna try the camera out tomorrow... SATURDAY! Yeah!

I'm back blogging for now...

I know I know... My blogs are few and far...
But seriously... Where would I find time to blog when I am this busy... Haha...
Anyways... Thought I shared some photographs that I took as I admire God's wonderful creation... The sky!

A Psalm a Day...

Have been faithfully doing my daily psalm reading... It is amazing how God's word reiterates itself... I mean, I read my psalm first before going to the little devotional booklet that Pastor Debra prepared for us... Without fail for the past 10 days, I find that the verse that I highlight in my bible, the verse that speaks to me most, is the verse that Pastor Debra seems to highlight in the booklet... It's like God saying... "Focus on this verse... focus!" Haha... The words have been speaking to me daily and it is amazing... Seriously, starting the day with a verse to meditate upon encourages you throughout the day... Amazing...

Through the past 10 days, the Lord has been rather specific... Although there are times I fail to understand the verses, the majority of the time I have been blessed...
1 Jan we started with Psalm 1 and so aptly is this Psalm written... Verse 2 says But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night... It is as if the Lord is saying, meditate on the verse that I give to you daily and you will find delight... Looking back... In these past 10 days, I have indeed found delight in the word of the Lord...
On the second day of the new year, the Lord reminded me to walk the Sabbath year with this verse... Psalm 2:11 Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling... I think, having been in the ministry for awhile, I have forgotten from time to time to do so... Such a reminder... And the ending of the Psalm is such a promise... Blessed are all who take refuge in him... My 2007, though a year of victories, did not really end without worries... I think as I stepped into 2008, I did bring those baggages to this new year... Was actually feeling overwhelm on that day by the situations around me... But God reminded me that I will be blessed when I take refuge in him...
As the days went by, the Lord reminded me of the things He had promised... When reading Psalm 3:3-4 I was reminded that God will protect me, and return to me what I had lost, that He WILL answer my cries... Those words reassured me that my prayers have not gone unheard by the Lord... Psalm 4:3 reiterated the words on 3 Jan... Psalm 5:12 promised me that He will surround me with His favour... I believe when I have God's favour, I will also find favour with the men and women of peace on earth... Psalm 6:9 reminded me again that He accepts my prayers and He hears... I guess, up till the week's end, I was still wondering if God has heard my prayers and cries... Psalm 7:17 reminded me to give thanks to the Lord in all circumstances... Even if the circumstances are not in my favour... Psalm 8:4 reminded me that I am a Friend of God and He is thinking of me... =) I know that the Lord will not forsake me because of what is said in Psalm 9:10... Although the Psalm today did not have a specific verse that jumped out at me, I focused on the last 2 verses... Psalm 10:17-18... I guess, I need to meditate on the verses that tells me that the Lord hears my cries because I tend to forget... After 10 days of meditating and reminders that He hears me, I cannot say that I haven't been told... Haha...

Also at Leaders' Meeting last night, Pastor Julie's words really spoke to my heart... In this year of Sabbath, I need to take time to remember... I need to remember God's faithfulness... I need to remember that all of have is God's... I need to remember to give God the glory... I had forgotten at times to credit God... I had forgotten at times that what I have is God's... But those things that I had forgotten are history... God has given me a clean slate every morning and all I have to do daily is to remember... =)
The second point was to hear and obey... As much as I have been reminded that God hears my cries, I also need to hear God... If I do not hear God, no matter how much He hears me, nothing can or will be done... In 2007, I confess that I have not been fully obedient to the Lord... I know that partial obedience is sin, because it is not obedience, it is disobedience... I had not shown God I love Him... But this year, I will make an effort to love... I will make an effort to be obedient to His voice...
Pastor Julie also mentioned that the third thing is to Fear the Lord... For the fear of God is the path of intimacy... To fear God is to see the demands of God and obey them... I had fear the demands more than God and fled from it too many a times... This year, I want to make good my promises to God and face up to those demands... I know that I might fail, but I also know that as long as I put my heart to it... I can do it... =)

At the end of the day, it is not how much that I have done or not done that the Lord loves me... But because I am who I am that He loves me... Because He loves me despite all my flaws, I will work towards pleasing Him through obedience... =)