We want to be our own god...

Was reading the passage and word for quiet time on our journey today... the words written are so true... how often have I placed myself in the centre, enthroning me and dethroning God... I am reminded once again how selfish I have become over the years... Thinking that I have been dethroning myself and enthroning God... But how often have I made empty promises to God so that I could claim His blessings in my life? How often have I been feeding my control addiction with the drug of manipulation? How often have I allowed my egocentrism to rule my life?

I have been denying the desire I have to be God... I have been living in disillusion... On one hand I am believing that I am preaching and practicing what I preach... To put God in the centre and everything else would fall into place nicely...

Ha! How foolish have I been to believe that I am indeed practicing this truth! What a liar I have been to myself... It may be true that I have place God in the centre most of the time... Yet from time to time, I would dethrone Him and put myself on the throne, especially when things don't go the way I wish it would be... How foolish am I O Lord... To think that I can outdo You! Lord... Forgive me....

Revelation 4:2-10 illustrated clearly this theory... I shouldn't term it a theory... I should say that it is a lifestyle... To live a life where everything else in existence is accurately described only in its relationship to the throne of God... The centre of all existence is God upon His throne...

Today's revelation is to learn to view life fromt he vantage point of the one who spoke it into existence... to have the "mind of Christ" as written in 1 Corinthians 2:16... To lay it before the throne of God and with prayers move the challenges of life from our own insecurities and uncertainties on earth to the throne of God in the heavenly realm... it's only in this way are we able to see beyong the present and look at what is to come with hope, depending not on our own strength but putting our dependence on our Lord God Almighty... To cast the crowns of our life before His throne... To approach the throne of life with confidence...

Come to His courts, with praise on our lips...

Our hearts, and our minds, and our souls worship Him...

Bow on our knees, lift up our hands, joining the angels above...

Declaring holy holy is the Lord God Almighty, Who was and is and is to come...

Holy holy is the Lord God Almighty, Who was and is and is to come...

Indeed God is God... Nothing else could take His place... He is Lord God Almighty... He is the great I AM... He is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent... There is nothing in this world, which He has created that the Lord do not know... He is the reason that I live, the reason that I sing with all I am... Because He is God, I can face tomorrow... Because I know, He holds the future... And in Him I can trust fully...

Thanks be to God!!!! I've passed and obtained my driver's licence... I think 24ths are good days... In 2003, May 24th... I was baptised... In 2005, October 24th... I passed my driving test... My God is an amazing God... He allows everything to fall in place so beautifully... Now Expo may be at the other end of the island... But because God is good... I can drive there now... =)

God's graciousness...

Of late, my walk with God has not been good. I have found thousand and one ways to still be able to do the things that makes me appear an obedient servant, but looks can be deceiving. For quite some time already, my walk with God has taken a somewhat downward spiral. I have had been deluding myself, busying myself and finding all sorts of reason to not spend time with my Abba Father.

The idea that Christians lead an easier, better life is a half truth. Indeed, we do lead better life. A life that is more rewarding, a life that is purposeful. However, many do not understand the need for us to come to the cross daily. The need to lay down all our rights and surrender our all to God. The need to listen for His voice and be obedient to His commands. All these requires us to step out of our comfort zone and make sacrifices.

I have for the longest time, know all of this. I have taken those extra step of faith and obeyed Him. I have always known that following Christ is not always easy and that it would cost me something. Something dear to me, something I would hold on to for security. I know the things to do to be the obedient Christian. And I think I have become somewhat a Pharisee.

I have forgotten my first love. I have forgotten why I even serve. I have been so selfish and self-centered. I have sinned against my Lord, enthroned myself and dethroned my King.

However, as much as I have been running away from my Father. He has always been there waiting for me to come back home. He is there with His outstretched arms, welcoming me back with a warm hug and cloaking me with His righteousness. His graciousness and faithfulness to me make me wonder how did I loss my focus on Him and wandered off.

Today's quiet time message on Our Journey talks about how following Him is not always comfortable. How Jesus didn't call us to a happy, comfortable existence. It reminded me about my own selfishness. How I have been caught up with my own agenda and have missed out completely God's agenda.

I thank God that He is God Almighty. If my God is anything but Almighty, He wouldn't have had been as patient and as faithful to me. I thank God that He hasn't gave up on me when I get my priorities wrong. Though my God is such a wonderful patient God, He can get so jealous when our we dethrone Him and enthrone something else in our lives. That's why as a loving Father, He disciplines us when we sin and He will prune us to help us be more like Him.

The past few weeks, I have been hearing voices. These voices weren't from God. I thank God that I was still able to discern between His voice and T.E.O's. I have been far from God and haven't been tuning my spiritual F.M. to His voice for a long long time. But still, He allows me to be able to still discern and know that those voices weren't from Him. Those lies and deceitful thoughts, were from T.E.O.

My gracious Father, allows all these things to happen to make me stronger for Him. Our calling is to suffer. To be broken and contrite before Him, so that people will see Him in us. I need to learn to cherish the pain that comes from both the discipline and the pruning. The pain from discipline will stop once I stop sinning. The pain from pruning is when God is done, so I have to learn to cherish the pain even more. If my Lord, doesn't love me... He wouldn't even bother to prune me. So I thank God for the pruning. It allows me to engage in His destiny for me.

I guess, all these while, I have been deceiving myself into believing that I have changed and died to my old self. However, there is still much pride in me that has yet been relinquished. I still want to be the centre of attention and am still very very self-centered. I have been living a life that would fulfil my own selfish ambitions and neglected the ministry that God has placed under my charge. During these few months of running away from God, of finding every excuse to do the minimal for Him, I have reverted back to my former self. I have gone back to a life of not taking personal responsiblities selectively, pushing the blame to my circumstance or others. I have lost the compassion for His children, I have not been loving God, as I have not been feeding His lambs. I have been so caught up with the doing of things that I have forgotten the heart behind the work.

It is only because God is gracious, that He reminded me through a number of people around me to listen to His voice again. To hear Him saying to me that it is not about what I can or cannot do. It is about what He wants to do through me. It is about Him loving me for who He has created me to be. His love for me is unconditional. He has not called me His child because of what I do, but He calls me His child because He chose to. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Chirst Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2: 8-9) God's intention finally is for us to know Him - to know Him as God Almighty.

I have chosen to follow Jesus, because I have been allowed this choice. I will therefore also choose to obey and be committed to Him. I want to be fully committed to God, not to be selfish but to pay whatever price that is required so that I will follow Him wholeheartedly. Commitment to Jesus requires that we pay the price. And the price today and everyday is to daily pick up the cross and die to myself.

I want to be like Peter, to respond to Jesus in the same manner as he did in John 6:68-69. To stay committed to Jesus. To pay the price, a price that is incremental as time goes on. I want to be broken and contrite so that as Jesus can take me to deeper levels of commitment, I will not turn away because it is painful paying the price, but I will be willing to relinquish my rights to it. To simplu take the step up to the next level, to do the hard but right thing out of obedience to Him and trust Jesus.

it's been a long long time...

it's been a while since i last submitted an entry... gosh was i busy... this must have been the busiest period of my semester... production was driving me nuts... Thank God it's finally over... weeks of not seeing the my block in the sun when i reach home... weeks of lack of sleep and such... it's gonna be over soon... after next week all is well... Thank God...

some times i wonder... if i am too deep... then again... is it just the people around me who are simply dense? i am often left wondering... some how with certain group of friends, i just can't seem to be of similar frequency anymore... there is probably some tuning needed... but still... am wondering if i am simply being an eccentric artiste... they say people who dabble in the Arts are eccentric... so i guess i probably fall into this category... i have this anal retentiveness in me that requires perfection and creativity... but seriously now... i don't really care... i am beginning my two months of hols before my final semester in college... i can't believe it, but time has whizzed pass so quickly... i am ACTUALLY graduating next april!!!

Thanks be to God... i was proposed a job offer by touch youth services to help set up the theatre arts department even before i graduate... just when the future appeared bleak... God just delivers His plans for me at the most unexpected times... i didn't really plan to go to TC for service last sat... but somehow, cos of production and such, i went to TC to worship... nowadays, it's only when i have productions do i worship at TC... so yeah... due to production, i was at TC... just as i was about to enter the auditorium... KS came up to me and asked me when i am graduating... he then told me that he is helping tys start up the theatre arts programme thingy... and asked if i would be interested... so yeah... when everyone else seem to have no job prospects... God is dropping one right before my doorstep... i am still considering... and praying about it... guess if the pay is good... i won't look anywhere else... how often can i mix work with pleasure??? when all the uni graduates have problem looking for a job that befits their cert... i am offered one becoz of my cert...

this just double confirms that this path that i am in... the path of a theatre practitioner is indeed one of His divine plans for me... God is simply just too good to me... i so totally don't deserve it... guess further studies might be put on hold for now... afterall, i should restart and take care of the ministry God has kindly entrusted me with... neglected it for awhile now...

for now... i shall go rest...