Remembering all that Jesus did...

As Good Friday draws nearer, I look at the people around me... The world where I seem so out of place... Sometimes I wonder, is there something more to the existence of these very people who say there isn't a God... I wonder what they see in life... They appear to be happy with their simple existence, yet I see the angst and resentment in their existence... They seem to know where they stand in society, so assured of their own existence as just nothingness... But I see them so lost in their existence that they know not where to look to... Yet as I try to reach out to them, their defense mechanisms are on full gear... They resort to using their crude humour to make fun of the very one true God I believe in... As I try to show them the light of truth, they run so far away and hide in their own little shell... They reject every word spoken that is true, some of these very people even have the knowledge of the truth, yet they chose to reject everything that God has done... I simply do not understand why they chose the path of destruction and not the path of abundance...

Dear God.... I have a question... Why have You allowed Your children to stray away? So far away from You O Lord... Lord I know You gave us free will... But Father see them... See their helplessness and save them O God... Bring Your children back to You... Help them return to the cross dear Father... Turn Your children's eyes back unto You O God... I know Lord it pains You to see Your creation turn their backs on You, but Father don't turn Your back on us God... What would we be if You turned away from us... Is it not better that we were then never created... Lord You created us to praise and exalt Your name... to honour and worship You O God... Turn our hearts back unto You God, lead us back to the cross once more, especially on the day of rememberance of the work that You did on the cross nearly 2000 years ago... The pain You suffer Jesus, let it not go to waste, but Lord send a revival unto Singapore... that we will be Your antioch of Asia... Father come and let Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven Lord... Amen

Working on a project now... We are on the topic of LIFE and I see how lost my fellow classmates are... How much they need God... Sometimes I wonder if that is the reason why I am in this course, yet as light and salt in this world it is often a tough job... I often think... How nice would it be if these people hear and commit their lives to Jesus... But as I pray and as I work with them, I just hope that their hearts will be soften... I think it's gonna be a tough road ahead, but I shall just persevere on and not be shaken in my faith... When the going gets tough, I shall just remember to turn my eyes upon God and remember the things He did on the cross for me...

 

On the verge of breakdown

Sometimes, I dunno what to do really... I mean when I am being put in charge of something and being told to do certain things about it by the authority who placed me in charge of the event or task I would just go do it... But there bound to be people who are unhappy about it... I cannot please everyone... So give me a break PLEASE!!!

I am getting really fustrated about the TGIF celebration... I thank God I have the help and offer from ZY and Dex.... I mean they are nice people who saw how much better we could further God's kingdom by combining the two sub-zones and making it one event instead of a recurring event... They provided much relieve for me at that moment and I believe for the time to come when I get swarmed by school work... But now I am beginning to doubt whether it was a wise move on my part... Yet then again, I was talking to ZY yesterday and we talked about how things are appearing bad because of T.E.O's plans to thwart the opportunities of the salvation of multitudes... I am beginning to see his point when fellow sisters became upset with my decision of changing the plans... After all it is not my decision alone, but Mel told me to...

Today when I got the msgs from Des, I was really vexed... I mean what did I not do right that is causing my fellow sister to worry? What is actually wrong? I thought it best to combine with a group of people who have done it before and our side could probably observe what they do... Then as we need not worry about the logistics and stuff, we can bond more with our invited friends... Is that so wrong? Is it really my fault that I am not informing you any earlier when I am already informing you as soon as the decision was made final? Why is it that you people can have the priviledge of complaining or venting out your frustrations at me? Is this the cost of being a servant leader? If this be so, God I cannot take it... I am on the verge of breaking down...

O Lord I need You... I need You to strengthen me and keep me focus on the purpose of it all - to glorify Your name... God, the evil one may try his best to thwart Your plans, but God seal it and keep it from the evil one the good work that You have started and preserve it for Your kingdom sake... Do not allow the evil one to decieve or rob the joy from Your children Lord as we serve You and prepare for a time of great harvest O Lord... Help us, for without You we can fulfil nothing but with You O Lord, all things are possible...

People have their expectations, they expect me to do this right, that right and everything else... I feel so taken for granted and tired... You people think I am so strong, so meticulous, so organised... Hey I am not... You do not see the times when I am vulnerable, when I cry out for help... Mel decided it was best for the two sub-zones to combine because she sees I cannot cope and I thank God for that... I couldn't have ask for a better spiritual mother... I am tired and upset, many times through this process I am thinking why me? God why did you choose me? I am so inapt...I feel like crying, ate a quarter tub of ice-cream to cool my head off last night so I could think if it is the wisest move on my part... I can talk to no one else but Mel, cos I feel so unsupported by everyone else... The road is so not easy... Every time I think of the cost of salvation, I think of the cross... The pain that Jesus suffered, is so much more than that I face everyday as I serve... I simply just have to keep dying to myself daily...

O Lord I need Your comfort and support Lord, I feel so weak and vulnerable... Lord come and be strong in my weakness and empower me... Help me persever to the end despite all the attacks that may come and break the unity within the family... Lord, help us come out stronger and more immune to the attacks of the evil one each time we feel the pinch Lord... Without You, we can accomplish nothing Lord... If my God is for us, who can be against us... But Lord if You aren't standing on our side, all these will fall through Lord... This is not about us but about You O God, so come and be enthrone as we exalt You with this TGIF celebration... The organising committee may be feeling the spirityal attacks now,but Lord keep us protected in Your mighty arms...

Was thinking what's wrong with the people now... Why have they become so miserly, why have I seemingly become less generous? I hate the way I am feeling about myself now... I know I still give freely but why I am feeling as if I am becoming less generous? Have I too become miserly as I grow up and know the difficulty of earning my keeps?

Lord, please help me keep a generous spirit... Willing to give all that I am back to You O Lord... Keep my heart big and generous Lord... O Lord, help me not have a spirit of accusation nor a miserly spirit... Grant me a pure heart to do Your will without a second agenda O God... I come before You broken and contrite Lord... Help me Lord for I am otherwise useless...

Right now it feels as if there is nothing I can do to make anything right... It appears that I have been too task orientated, but have I? I need to be renewed... I need to see things from a new perspective... And I need encouragements... It may be true that I really truly long for God's approving words of "My faithful servant, you did a good job..." But right now, I don't need God to say that to me... I only need a fellow sister to not chide me anymore... And I will be thankful... I have to face the firing squad tomorrow... God be with me... 

O Lord, I am so weak and useless... A simple task of TGIF celebration have I made into a mess... I think I have upset my fellow sisters, O Lord please grant them peace and bring their friends they have invited to the celebration, that these pre-believers may be saved... Lord I simply ask that Your will be done and that whatever changes that had occurred the past few days would not affect the pre-believers' decisions to come anyway... O Lord, grant us unity within the family and help us learn to be sensitive to each other even more... Help me O Lord to be less task-oriented and more people-oriented... Help me strike a balance between both O Lord... Please Lord, I am so vulnerable and small within Your plans... God Your will be done, not mine... I commit it all to You Lord Jesus...

Amen

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Hey Evil One, you won't win this battle, because God is far greater than you and you cannot do anything about it... My hope is in the name of the Lord and He is my source of strength and joy... You cannot and will not rob me of my joy in serving the Lord nor take away my strength to serve my God... So give up will you, you will never win... God is the Almighty One who is in control of it all... You want to shake the organising committee and make us falter... But I will pray and call on God to prevent you from harming us... So get lost!

Exhausted!

Camps after camps after camps... Gosh my weekends have been practically burnt up the past three weeks... And I am lacking sleep... How I wish I could lie in bed all day (*banishing the thought to the black hole, that would be sin - laziness i think)... Anyway, had almost a whole month of tiring weekends, but God has made it the most fruitful... He is just simply too good to phantom...

Then within the weeks of these endless camping weekends, there was sanctification week and the truth encounter... Boy was it a busy fortnight... But thank God for His faithfulness... At least through it all, I had managed to find my potential disciples in Eunice and Peiyi... Sanctification week was good, but the truth encounter was even more powerful... Could really feel God's presence and His love... I am just in awe...

With my lack of sleep and having taken ill... I am beginning to feel physically exhausted... Having the need to work despite my other activities is beginning to take its toil on me... I have sooo much homework to complete which seriously speaking I am in a creative desert right now and can't think of anything good to put up... I am like soooo dead... But God in His faithfulness and grace allowed me to lighten the work load that I have...

Having been placed in charge of TGIF celebrations, I was racking my brains to want to make it a successful and blessed event... Yet, with my limited resources and abilities... And with a lack of creative juices of late... Working with YH on this TGIF program haven't been the most efficient... YH had been really kind and accomodating... Guess he needs to be or else I would complain to Mel and she would probably talk to him... (*Nah... Just kidding) But now I really see what Mel see in YH... They should really get married soon la, it would be fun... Forgive me, I am just rambling on... Anyway, God offered me a big helping hand in terms of experienced successful TGIF planners in the likes of Nigel's team... They did a successful TGIF which I saw and experienced for myself... This year they are going to have an improved version of it all... Mel brought it up and as me if I would like to combine the whole thing with them... I really did not know, but thinking I would probably not pull of a celebration that would be the most fun or most economical, I accepted their offer after much deliberation with NY and Mel...

I think Mel knows the troubles I have been facing the past week... Thank God for a spiritual mother like her... I was really upset the other day after the truth encounter and I told the rest about my plans and it fell through unsupported... I felt so hurt and helpless... I had been racking my brains for an idea that would help bond the friendships and let the people enjoy themselves... Coming up with something isn't easy, and especially when I am doing it for the first time... So when ZY came with the proposal of combining and Mel called to ask me if I wanted to, I gave it some thought... Dex was saying if we had too little people might not be fun, NY was analysing the whole situation and advised me to go ahead with combining... After all, when we collect $5 from our own members we won't be feeding them lunch and everything else they have to pay for themselves... NY was saying people might not like the idea of having to play a game and forking our money from their own pockets... The $5 per person on ZY's side covers the cost of the game and there would be a buffet lunch spread after the game ends... It sounds like a better idea, after all we can also learn what to do and what not to do so we can fly solo next year... So we agreed to combine... And now I feel the load lightening from my shoulders, though I still have like a million and one things to do... *sigh*

But I thank God for His faithfulness and mercies... Without which I probably would have overworked and burnout... God is simply just too good... ;) He is my strength and comfort in times like this... I know with the combination of both subzones, we will be a better vessel that God would use for it is stated in Psalm 133:

¹How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!
²It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard,
running down Aaron's beard, down upon the collar of his robes.
³It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion.
For there the Lord bestows his blessings, even life forevermore.

I know we each have different talents and abilities... Guess this is one experience that God wants me to go through to learn something out of... He knows me best... Besides there is power in numbers and I feel that they have a better plan than I did... Now to explain it to the rest of the subzone... That is probably the tough part I think, judging from the respond of some the other night...

Passing by Coffee Club @ Holland V

Looking through the full length glass windows,
Those empty seats in our favourite haunt.
Reminded of those yonder days,
Of times we spent at this Coffee Club.
Moments of laughter, chatter and banter,
Those late nights spent over a cuppa or two,
Having meetings over muddy mudpies.
Always there after alumni meetings,
Drinking passion teas with vanilla ice cream,
Tiramisu lattes till wee hours of morn.
Those seemingly carefree days (or so I thought),
Has since translated to us parting our ways (of sorts).
How time has changed everything we knew,
Those seats we used to warm now cold and hard,
Muddy mudpie sits prettily on display,
Beckoning us to come and share it,
Over coffee, tea or just plain water.
Will those days return?

Tabernacle

Tabernacle was a great experience... Though I took a shorter time this time around, I could still feel God's presence and hear His words... Entering the Tabernacle built at Magic Box, the basement of the church this time, was a totally different experience from the last June's Tabernacle at East Coast Park...

Tabernacle at ECP was in the elements, just as it was during Moses' time... We encamped, set up the tabernacle and began entering from sun-down to sun-rise... When we enter the tabernacle, all footwear must be off... For the ECP tabernacle, we were all barefooted and stepping on the grass and pine cones, the wind was howling, you could hear those outside talking and there were bugs... (Ouch) Tabernacle @ Magic Box was super comfortable... We had the airconditioning, clean ground and soft gospel instrumental in the background... Yet, I felt more down-to-earth at the ECP Tabernacle than I was @ Magic Box... It was a little too comfortable @ Magic Box...

Both Tabernacle experience are unique... I heard God both times, but this time around it was a lot clearer... I think the clarity came because I was slightly more familiar with the process... Another was probably also because this time around I was more prepared spiritually... The week of Sanctification - restoring the altar was very good as I was seriously set apart and sanctified to go into the Tabernacle...

The ECP Tabernacle, we went through an "Exodus" moment as we trek through the west end of ECP to the east end of ECP... It was a time of witnessing and praising God... By the time we reached the campsite and set up camp, we were seriously tired... The whole ECP Tabernacle experience was very much one where God gave me rest... It was really all in God's perfect plans... I was going through a rough time in ministry back then, so God gave me a wonderful time of rest and comfort... Though the ground was very hard and uncomfortable, especially with the pine cones poking at me... Tabernacle @ Magic Box, God gave me 2 words... I am just in awe...

At the golden lampstand, God showed me this word...

The Love Passage from Romans 12: 9 - 21 (MSG)

      ⁹Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. ¹⁰Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. ¹¹Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, ¹²cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. ¹³Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality. >>>

    ¹⁴Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. ¹⁵Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. ¹⁶Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.

    ¹⁷Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. ¹⁸If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. ¹⁹Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it." ²⁰Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. ²¹Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

Then as I come before the Ark of Covenant, in the Holy of Holies, God showed me...

Psalm 28 (MSG)

A David psalm

¹Don't turn a deaf ear when I call you, GOD.

If all I get from you is deafening silence, I'd be better off in the Black Hole.

²I'm letting you know what I need, calling out for help

And lifting my arms toward your inner sanctum.

³Don't shove me into the same jail cell with those crooks,

With those who are full-time employees of evil.

⁴They talk a good line of "peace,"  then moonlight for the Devil.

Pay them back for what they've done, for how bad they've been.

Pay them back for their long hours in the Devil's workshop;

Then cap it with a huge bonus.

⁵Because they have no idea how God works or what he is up to,

God will smash them to smithereens and walk away from the ruins.

⁶Blessed be GOD- he heard me praying.

⁷He proved he's on my side;

I've thrown my lot in with him.

Now I'm jumping for joy, and shouting and singing my thanks to him.

⁸GOD is all strength for his people, ample refuge for his chosen leader;

⁹Save your people and bless your heritage.

Care for them; carry them like a good shepherd.

It is as if God is telling me to persever on in school... To be His salt and light to the world... I was feeling rather downtrodden by the rude remarks my classmates make about God... I was beginning to question myself as to why do I not stand up and defend my God... But then, both passages seems to be telling my to return evil with kindness, God would judge them accordingly... I just need to love them as Jesus would...