psalm 4:23
above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. (niv)
keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts. (msg)
guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (nlt)
these words are so true. after all these years in my walk as a christian, i thank God that He has helped me preserve the thing that is most important - my heart. there are times when i've strayed away from the flock. when my walk with God was just simply down in the dark alleys of life. but each time, God brought me back through His grace and mercy.
no one promised a life that is a bed of roses after i accepted Christ. i knew from the onset that this journey that i had embarked on was a treacherous one. for mr. t.e.o. (the evil one) would try all ways to prevent me from walking the path of light. there were a couple of times when mr. t.e.o. would succeed in dragging me down to the muds. however, i thank God that my leaders have taught me well and led me well. so much so that each time i committed a transgression. i know that i can come clean to my leaders to find myself back in the community of God's people. no doubt, i may not be restore to my former glory immediately. i still have to face the consequences of sin. but each time that i strayed (thank God that it was only a few). but each time that i have been disobedient. i know that when i repent at the foot of the cross, there is forgiveness and restoration to be found. however, to prevent myself from falling into that same pit all over again. i need to do as the proverb says. above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
just as pastor said the other day in his sermon. the heart of the matter is the matter of the heart. until our lives is touched, our lives would not change. i was reminded of my journey thus far. and i rejoice at the fact that by God's grace, i am able to still be found in the house of the Lord, with His people, with a tender sincere heart. for a broken spirit and a contrite heart, He will not despise.
recent events have made me thank God even more for the fact that i am still found standing in the spiritual community that i've started out with nearly 7 years ago. i thank God that through the past transgressions during my walk with God. He has found my heart to be teachable and humble. i thank God that He still want to work on this heart of mine. thank God that through the journeys, my heart had not hardened towards His teachings. and i thank God that He has never given up on me, even when I gave up on myself back then. i thank God for placing patient and loving leaders around me to see me through the painful but necessary "open" heart surgeries. thank God that never once did my leaders and cell sisters pass their judgement and condemned me. thank God that my leaders in their wisdom and obedience to His word guided me back. thank God that my leaders dealt with each issue instilling and reinforcing the fear of the Lord and the love for His children.
looking back on the past years, i saw many windows of opportunity for me to leave this community. in retrospect, i thank God that He has never let me go. for most part it was simply my own humanly foolishness and spiritual blindness then. i thank God that though there were times when i felt that God has forsaken me, never once did He leave me. i am really thankful that i am still here and serving.
within the last 6 months, the Lord has sifted through this lot of seeds. some of my cell sisters left the fold, as consequences of the sins committed and their own choice. it saddens my heart to see my friends whom i had grown up with leave. yet i knew that if they do not learn from this lessons, their hearts would harden even more than it already has. and like the little yeast that can cause the whole dough to rise, so can the little rebellion cause the rest of us to stumble and fall. that kind of consequence, causing others to sin too, would be more than what anyone could bear. and i thank God that in His sovereign plans, there were the ones who were left behind, the ones who soldier on shoulder to shoulder for the glory of God.
to say that throughout the sieving and weeding out, to see my friends and best friend be cut off, didn't hurt would be a lie. to say that it did not affect my walk would be untrue. i loved these friends of mine. and i still do. i want the best for them. i love my friends, but that doesn't mean that i would condone the act of sin. i love the sinner, not the sin. and when discipline is dealt and the person still doesn't take heed and harden their heart even more. there is the need to cut of the person off from the community in hope that the person's soul would be saved.
like what was shared during sermon on sunday. no one wants to sin against the Lord. but once we've fallen once and are not repentant and do not flee from the temptations. then we will begin to develop a hardened heart. repeat the process over and over again and the heart will be calloused and it will be even harder. yet, when we humble ourselves and resolute to not sin again, with a pure and sincere heart, we prevent ourselves from the possibility of repeating the same sin.
thank God for my sisters who remain faithful and strong. thank God that at the end of the day, the earth may shake under us, the winds may rattle us, but we can be found with a teachable and tender heart. i thank God for each of you remaining. may we press on together. to receive the final prize - the crown of life. =D
i pray that my friends who left the community find reconciliation with our Father in heaven. i pray that God in His sovereign and wise ways, guide these lost sheep back to His fold. i pray Lord that these friends of mine will once again allow their hearts to be tender and soft towards You and come back to be at Your feet Lord Jesus.
i believe that the Lord will see the condition of our hearts and take action as necessary. and when God gives us a new heart, we need to guard the new heart as proverbs 4:22 says. above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
