愛

讀了大頭芬的世界，有一段文字讓我差一點掉淚。

“愛一個人不一定要擁有﹐但擁有一個人就一定要好好去愛他。你的肩上有蜻蜓嗎﹖”

有時候，我們會 take for granted 周圍的人。我們會 neglect 他們，沒有好好的珍惜他們。但是，一但他們從身邊離去時，才後悔沒好好的去愛他。我不只是在說 bgr，而是每一段 relationship ﹣ 朋友之間的友益、男女之間的戀情、家人之間的關心。。。

因為有愛，所以是他的朋友或親人。因為愛一個人，所以要那個人好好的活下去。因為愛一個人，所以要他開心。愛。對麼些人來說，是一個長挂在嘴邊的字。對另些人來說，是一個很難說出口的字。每個人表達愛的方法都不同。有些人，莫莫地愛。有些人，豪放地愛。個有千秋。

我。。。不是很懂得愛。

我想，我是那种不常表達愛的人吧。對一些人而言，在他們眼里，我會是個對愛滿豪勱的一個人。但我不覺得我是。我不懂得愛，也不敢常式去愛。我怕受傷害，也怕會傷害道別人。我覺得我已經 take for granted 我周圍的人。

我還有資各去愛与被愛嗎？有嗎？

很冒頓，但我覺得有時候我做到了“愛一個人不一定要擁有﹐但擁有一個人就一定要好好去愛他。”我想我是一個看到他人開心，我就開心的一個人。

我的朋友你快樂嗎？

In the midst of packing...

I'm in the midst of packing my room... Having been saying that forever... But this time I am serious about getting the trash out of my room... Been a karang guni (rags and bones person) for too long... My brothers have been naming my room a dog's kennel... My parents have been nagging me to pack up... This seems to never end... Shall put a stop to it before I get any busier... Made some progress... Love my shelves... Heehee...

A tough call to make...

Have been rather blessed by this company that I am working for... Because our boss treats everyone like family, the company is very family like... We're there for one another no matter what time of the day... I am grateful for all that my boss and the company is doing for me... The stabillity and trust he has given me... Thank God for this company...

However, as I get into this company, I find myself to be in a rather tight position... It all start with this one project, which due to sheer coincidence or fate, I was not originally casted in but was later on casted into the role... I felt bad initially as the role was originally supposed to be played by a friend of mine, however, because she couldn't make it for the first read and I could I was casted over her... Back then when I was casted, I told my bosses that my schedule is booked for that day, but I could rearrange my schedule if they insisted on using me... After a few phone calls here and there, I confirmed that I could do it... So I was on board for that project... My second with this company (did one with them last July)...

I know I have found favour in my bosses' eyes as they confirmed me for another project that would tour the schools... I think my bosses knew that they could trust me to tasks after observing me work... Thus, after that fateful project last month, I was sorta "promoted" (a term used by my close friend-colleagues in the company) to project co-ordinator... It is a test from my boss to see if I am who he thinks I am... Would I be able to be of help to his company... However, I so totally did not expect that I am the one who tell someone that his/her services would no longer be required by the company for that project...

I am one who value my friends... I did not want to have the friendship ruined... However, due to certain incidents, I was tasked to tell a friend and colleague that the company no longer require the person's services anymore... I had to do it... It took me long and hard to do so... I ponder and ponder incessantly over it... So much so that it was just after 12 noon when I was told that this person has been fired... But I could not bring myself to message the person till about after 8 in the night... I had to do it because it is my job to do so... Yet, I knew that it would bring that person certain pain...

For a moment, I had to be completely professional and detached from that friendship and lay that person off... It was one of the most horrible moment of my life.... Yet, if I did not do as I was tasked, my own head was on the chopping block... Having been entrusted with the many projects by my bosses, I had to do what I deemed right at that point of time... Put aside all personal feelings and focus on the task, yet be tactful all at the same time...

Our friendship is probably now rather ruined... However, if the person is unable to be professional about the situation, there is nothing much I can do... I just have to be professional when it comes to work... I need to draw my lines clear... I have financial needs, which I cannot ignore...

Been a lot busier of late... With rehearsals for 2 shows and tuition, as my student is having her mid-year, I haven't found time to breath or even write an entry... Am really sleepy now... But still waiting for my hair to dry before hitting the pillows... Really need to find the time to pack my room... It's in a limbo now... Neither packed nor super messy... Am in the midst of redoing my room, after 5 years... I think I am liken the windows in the sense... Cos it's been five years and now they have Vista... Was watching the mac adds and it really tickled me... Haha... http://www.apple.com/getamac/ it is really smart how Mac spoofed the arrival of Vista... Hmm... Naughty but really clever... Kudos to the people at apple... Love my apple... =)

Would love to blog more... But I guess, would blog more after the conference with Jackie Pullinger at Ministry with the Poor... Hope to catch the heart of God more and receive her anointing of compassion... Can't wait... =)

New phone...

I finally changed my phone...
It's this sleek Samsung SGH-D900 a.k.a. Ultra 12.9...
Love my 3.0 megapixel camera in my phone...
And to begin my blogging with photos taken with this lovely phone...
I took some photos of the cakes served at this fast food cafe and their double chocolate frappe...
Hmm... I simply am falling in love with my new phone...

The only good cake serve I think... Opera...
(Ok la... Not as bad as the rest... In fact it is quite good...)


The so-so oreo cheesecake...
(Er... No comments la... Still prefer the oreo cheesecake at Starbucks...)


The not very nice cheesecake...
(A little too soft... Prefer the cheesecake at Coffee Bean...)


The double chocolate frappe...
(I still prefer the drinks at Grapevine...)

喜欢一个人有时是幸福的，但有时是痛苦的。
被爱是幸福的还是痛苦的呢？ 我觉得被爱是否幸福因个人而定。
如过爱你的人你也喜欢，那么被爱是幸福的。如过爱你的人你一点好感也没有的话，那么被爱将会是痛苦的。
时间地利人合能撮合一对情侣，或者把一段美丽的友谊给摧毁了。

life is good...

haven't been so happily busy le... for a while, i had been busy but unhappy... but now, i am happily busy... it has been awhile since i have acting jobs, so being engaged for 2 shows (1 private dinner show & 1 school tour) is a refreshing change from the mundane teaching of drama... i have longed to return to stage and this is definitely a good change of momentum... will enjoy it while it lasts...
i am exhausted from the mind grueling rehearsals, but i am happy... haven't been this engaged in the mind already... haven't been thinking as an actor for far too long... am a little rusty... but am glad it is all coming back to me now... i still have it in me to survive challenging rehearsals... still have it in me to memorise my lines... i am feeling alive in the aspect of work... had been rather "dead"... i am glad! =)

a random quiz i did... something to do with the key to my heart...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

p.s. i miss you...

this is too all my friends out there whom i haven't met up with since forever...

dear friend,
i miss you. we've moved on with our lives and now our paths don't seem to cross anymore. i am sorry for having taken you for granted, for even being angry with you at times, but i am glad we always work things out... eventually... =)
thank you for being my friend. i thank God for you who have crossed my path. you were special to me at then, and you are still special to me now. it's just that our schedules clash so much that we hardly ever just hang out anymore. besides, we are at such different phases of our lives that it might even seem a little weird to go back to days of yore.
i do wonder how you are doing now. questions like: are you happy now? are you contented with your life? are you exhausted? do you have someone special in your life now? etc...
when we were younger, we shared your joys and tears. now that time has flown by us, things just ain't the same anymore. i do not wish that time would stand still, neither do i wish that we could return to those times in our lives... but i do sincerely wish you well my friends. i would like to continue to share my life with you, i would like to know how you are now... i hope that you are doing well...
no one knows who we will meet tomorrow, no one knows if we would ever meet up again... but i know my God is watching over each of us... and i know that i will meet you once again in heaven (as long as you believe in Him)... =) until then... auf wiedersehen
with love,
regina

旅程

每個人的生命就如一段旅程。從起點到終點，這段旅程由自己定。
在這個旅程中，誰會上車誰會下車都是一個迷。我們不能掌控誰在生命的那一個站上下車。
到了該下車的時候，就不得不下車，要不然就會過站、錯過機會。
生命中的人与事也一樣，從生命裡的起點開始，進出的人也不少。
有些人會陪你一段很長的路，有些可能在下一站就下車了。
下車的人我們也許再也不會在見面了，也許下一站又會再度相遇。
人生的旅程就是那麼奇妙，很多事都不在我們的控制范圍內。
這段旅程有時是孤獨的，有時是熱鬧的。有時你會想靜靜一個人走這一段路，而有時會想要人陪，不想單獨走下去。
生命就是如此，勇敢的走下去吧！
不要太在意明天的路會是怎樣的，努力的把今天過得最充實，把握和週圍的人所相處的每一分每一秒，不要讓自己有後悔的機會。

claims of His promises!

these are the things that i am believing for in my child like faith... though the items requested not very child-like... heehee...

financial providence...
1. more job offers, a permanent job with a theatre company would be good, a stable income... (life as an actor is unpredictable)
2. a new phone with camera and video functions... (my current phone is dying)
3. financial freedom for my family...

spiritual providence...
4. deeper relationship with the Lord... (go deep)
5. salvation of my family... (look far)
6. improved relationship with my spiritual daughters, both already here and still wandering... (ask big)
7. find my 12... (ask big)

physical/ health providence...
8. a healthier slimmer body... (not asking too much right? afterall i do have a gym membership...)
9. freedom of diseases for my family... (no longer to be binded by the spirit of depression...)

emotional providence...
10. better emotional quotient... able to be more sensitive to the people around me...
11. fruit of the spirit reflected in my life through the way i handle my emotions... (actually linked to spiritual providence la...)
12. when the Lord knows I am ready, He will provide the One... in the meantime, help me be patient and not lose hope...

i shall not ask for too much yet... will continue to think and add to the list... but i believe that these things will be added unto me... for the Lord is Jehovah Jireh... my provider!

such a mess...

okie... i have got a few shows lined up, which means i am rather employed right now...

however, because of some misunderstanding that is linked to my current state of employment right now, i think one of my friend/colleague is rather upset with me and the whole situation...

well you see... initially, they had wanted her to play the role i am playing now... but after the first read, i was selected instead... i didn't even know i was selected until the second read, so therein lies the problem... a big miscommunication i think... i thought that she would be there for the second read, i mean after all, they did say it was a second audition and they were auditioning for ah kong too... i didn't realise that this friend of mine won't be there until that morning, when i checked my email and realised that she had been left out of the mailer and later the confirmation that she hadn't been informed when i picked our friend up for the rehearsal that morning... later on, after the rehearsal, our bosses were talking about another play that i am involved in... then came the second shocker for the day... they were going to drop her out of this play too, because her "schedule" clashed... i am not even sure if our bosses informed her of this change of events...
we all have our pride, and to be dropped from two shows just because the bosses assumed that you are not flexible in your schedule isn't fair... if i were in her shoes, i would definitely be jumping up and down in anger too... but i guess, i won't allow it affect me too much after all la... cos i mean, this is how this industry work... sometimes, you get many jobs, sometimes, you don't... we just need to learn to take things in its stride... to let go ba...

i would gladly swop places with her... however, i am not the boss and i don't have the last say... we are all waged actors... we don't really call the shots... until the day we do... we just have to be resigned to the fact that some days are better than others... we simply just have to let go and look forward to the next job available... such is life... you win some, you lose some...

i am simply thankful to God, that He has blessed me with these opportunities after a whole year...

life ain't fair... but God is good...

好久不見，我終於有話要說了。

有一段時期沒blog了，有一點不知到要寫什麼。
這一段時期很多事發生，有點太忙了，因此就少blog了些。
其時也好樣沒什麼好blog的，來來去去也就是那麼些事吧。

有時想想，把我的人生故事寫成一遍遍的文張，會有人要看嗎？
我的生活裡雖然有不少有趣的生活小品，但我不覺得有什麼只得一提的，有時還覺的有點乏味。
不過，讓我感恩的事件真的不少。而這些令我感嗯的事，我覺得我因該把它給blog下來。
從農利新年到見在，神的恩慈讓我從心低的感恩。

thank God for bringing me out of this vicious cycle...

Thank God for helping me see beyond this situation... Haha... what a relieve...

I have been holding on to this crush for nearly three years now I think... Aiya... Does it even matter now? Reflecting upon it though, I think I have been holding on to this crush for sooooooo long is simply because he has been the one constant guy friend in my life... I mean, of all the guys I have been hanging out with, this person has been a constant la... When people ask me what I see in him, I often have no answer... I guess this is what it means by "love is blind" or rather I feel, "infatuation is blind"... apart from the fact that this person is really mild mannered, there doesn't seem to be much qualities about him... Not that I am finding fault with him now that I have come to realise my infatuation... But I guess I was simply too blinded in the past to even notice his flaws... I thank God that I have been set free from this emotional entanglement that I have set myself in... I can now look at him and know that I do not like him in any ways what so ever, except on a basic friendship...

I guess, I really have to reassess my view on platonic friendships... I guess, there really can't be good close platonic friendships... The boundaries would be blurred after awhile... At least for my case it would... I am simply a girl who can develop likings for guy friends who become close friends after awhile, as long as they meet certain basic requirements... I would say that now, I am able to see the impending "danger" and distant myself when the friendship begin to become greyed...

I simply am thankful to the Lord that I am able to now know clearly what I want and be focused on it... Thank God that He has delivered me from one of my many weak spots... =)

大掃除... a.k.a. Spring Cleaning...

finally got down to what i would call spring cleaning la... rearranged the furnitures in my room... tried to declutter the clutter... haha... i doubt i can ever succeed in cleaning my room... i simply don't know where to start!
argh!!!!
well... i am amazed at what God uses to speak to me or teach me...
simply put... the Lord taught me another important lesson through my attempt to spring clean my room today...
decluttering one area doesn't mean that the clutter would go away, sometimes, we've just relocated the clutter....
we need to be a little "hard" hearted to throw out the useless things that is impeding the process...
when the time comes to let it go, just let it go... it's the same with sin and busyness of life...
another lesson learnt... =)
the cleaning is still on-going... think it'll take a few days, though my room is just about 4m by 6m... i should learnt to procrastinate less... heehee...

Amazing how God works!

Was just wondering how I should face Debbie's & Dhillion's 25 years old brother... And God's word tonight is an answer to my wondering...
The Lord is not pleased to see His children fighting among ourselves... I can see why too! 為何自相殘殺呢？We should not be fighting ourselves but the evil one... Why are we letting the evil one sow seeds of discord within the family and allowing him to win this spiritual battle? It is the evil one's plans to corrupt and perverse the relationships between family... It is his plans to prevent us, Warriors of Light, Children of God, from living a victorious life!
I will NOT allow the evil one to defeat me... Instead, I will defeat the evil one... I will put on the armour of God and be battle ready... I will remain unscath by the accusations... I will react with humility and love... The greatest weapon against accusation is HUMILITY! I don't need to win the argument for that moment, I simply need to win the person over through time....
Whatever the outcome, the Lord is definitely in total control... I simply just have to trust and obey, following the guidance of the Holy Spirit!

Weird Dream...

Had a really weird dream... Dreamt that I went on a date with a guy from another tribe... Didn't dream much about the date, but dreamt more on what happened after the date... SO WEIRD!
After the date, I had the guy's biological brother, who happens to be in the same church, asking me if I like his brother, whether I have room in my heart for him... When these questions were being asked, the person who came into my head wasn't this particular guy, but someone else... So surreal! I was unable to give the brother an answer and he left... Then came the guy's spiritual brothers... They asked me the same questions and again only one person came into my mind...
What made it weirder was that I saw Melissa asking this guy some questions and she seemed satisfied with his answers... I felt torn between 2 guys in this dream... The guy who kept surfacing in my heart and the guy who I went on the date with... I know in my heart there is only room for one... Before I could make a decision, I woke up... How weird is that!

What made this dream top the weird chart is that I remember where the guy works though I can't remember who he is... He works in TYS, and for some unknown reason, I ended up working full time in church... It's freaky... But I don't think this dream would ever be real... As I have no intention of working in church full time... I am presuming that it is just my over active mind playing out the endless possiblities... Whether it is from God, I don't know, but He will reveal in His time...

In the year of victory, things can really be unexpected. Have just been confirmed that I am going to be a facilitator at the TRYBE camp at Kranji Sec. At first when I signed up, I thought I would be in tribe A, together with Melissa, Charmaine and Isaac. A call from Jia Huey in the afternoon informed me that I am to be in tribe B. All is well.
Such little unexpected news, I can still deal with. Just don't have Sandra call me back to work at Mrs SAM's tomorrow, THAT I would be totally unprepared for. I have afterall resigned from there.
"Lord, I pray that Sandra won't call me back to work. I really don't want to go back there, unless of course it is to collect my pay."
Going to have a meeting/briefing with Nora and the rest at InwardBound on thursday morning. Praying that I would get a school near my parents' shop. I really want to do well to be used after this project. And I really hope that I would find favour in this company. After the meeting, I would more or less confirm my schedule. Then perhaps, I would consider going for the Singapore Broadway Playhouse auditions. Hmm...
"Lord, You are Jehovah Jireh. I know You will provide."
Still thinking about the plans for my "daughters" for 2007, am in need of a clearer direction, so I will continue to pray about it. I want to see them grow deeper in the Lord. Let's just see what the Lord says... =)

Looking back to look ahead.

2006 was a year of Extraordinary Possiblities... Many things were new challenges and many things made me question my own beliefs... It was the year I graduated, a year when I have members of the audience coming up to me after the shows to tell me how convincing my acting was... Yet at the same time, it was also a time when I questioned my own ability, as I go from auditions to auditions to find no jobs... Then there were also the jobs that I got stuck in and found no joy in... Then there was the new job that I felt was the Lord's gift for the new year... I quit my previous job and joined the new job, which will start next week...

In ministry, it was a year of ups and down... 2006 saw the cell shrunk to 2 with additions along the way... A cell that was 5 became 2 overnight, it was a shocker to me and made me doubt my own life and leadership skills... My confidence was definitely shaken, the thought of leaving church was on my mind as I felt totally unworthy and very much a failure... I was so far from God and other areas of ministry were simply motion for a period of time... The Lord indeed is faithful and He has never let me go even though I failed Him in so many areas... Thank God for His love and my leader's love, without either, I would definitely have fallen away... The year 2006 ended with 4 in the cell, and definitely stronger relationships with each of my "daughters"... The shaking and moving of the cell was God's way of reminding me to rely on Him, to be faithful to the things He has placed in my life for me to take care of... Never has this statement ring so true: "Be faithful to the little things and He will add unto you." This is a lesson I have learnt well in 2006...

2007 is the year of Victory! I will walk into the year victorious. Nothing will bring me down, nothing will prevent me from accomplishing the things that I want to do for the Lord... For "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (philippians 4:13) I will walk 2007 as a warrior of Light! I will be His warrior princess... I will fight like a girl, for God made me a girl and there are battles only girls can fight... I will continue to build into my "daughters'" life...

In 2007, I will be victorious!

It's been a really long time...

It's been awhile since I blogged... Hmm... Just wasn't motivated bah...

Well... Have been training for the Stand Chart Marathon 10km run... though not very regularly...

Was suppose to go... But because I've to be at encounter weekend, I'm giving it a miss...

Still I went to collect the run kit last sunday, though I'm not running... I've paid $45 anyway... might as well right?

Well, while I was there... California Fitness was having their roadshow at the sports exhibition or something... Out of sheer curiosity... I went onto the "evil" machine of California Fitness...

Why do I call it the "evil" machine??? Well...

For one, it tells you brutal truth about your own body...

Two, it tells you really how truly fat you are...

Maybe it is because I've yet heard private fitness clubs offering such low rates, I joined...

Haha... I succumbed to the fitness freak in me... Though it is really a small freak...

Calculated the opportunity costs... And it was a win-win situation I guess...

I save my money from eating junk... from snacking... and pool those money together, and pay for the gym membership... I still get some money left over bah...

I mean, instead of spending $6-7 at the fast foods... I spend $2-$3.50 at the hawker or simply prepare food and bring it to work... I can save about $3.50-$4 per meal... that's like $10.50-$12 per day... and that's between $315-$360 per month! Wah!!! got enough money to pay for gym membership, insurance and still have money left for buying pretty dresses... and I have yet calculate the amount I could have spend on snacks! haha...

And also... Having started working out since a long time, I actually feel that the exercises I am doing is waking my lazy muscles up...

Am aching all over after tuesday's machine circuit... the fit pro, a rather cute guy... haha... (another incentive of going to the gym... they employ cuties to be personal trainers... eye candy... muahahaha...) was teaching me how to work out using those machines... he was pushing me to my limits...motivating me to just press on that one last set... it was fun... but now muscles I've forgotten that they ever exist are aching... just below my collar bones... at the back of my shoulders and shoulder blades... the inner thigh... the triceps and biceps... you can say that every muscle is more or less aching... but it is a good ache... haha... am I mad or what... then on wednesday attended hip-hop and stretch classes at the gym... hip hop was fun... stretch made me realise that I'm not as flexible as before... things I could easily do like splits, I suddenly cannot do... but the deep stretch relieved the aching muscles a little... thursday I went for bodycombat and dance-a-mania... Bodycombat was fun, but really tiring for me... Guess my stamina not up to par yet bah... Dance-a-mania made me feel good... Easy dance steps for me la... Some others were struggling... But, I managed to keep up... It felt like school all over again... This was what I did while in college mah... haha... Am gonna go for LatinoJam and BodyPump tomorrow... Am mad la... But I wanna have a taster of the classes I think I would like... And see if I would go for it in future...

Am looking forward to losing 17kg in 3 months... It's important to have a healthy body... For our body is the temple of God... if we don't take care of the temple of God, who else will???

Am going to encounter as a guide... been awhile since I've done this... but I believe the Holy Spirit will guide me... He will give me the discernment and wisdom to pray for the participants... God is moving... I can sense it... From the day He gave me an open door to a new job that could expand my okios and build my spiritual siblings' cell... to the day He gave me the courage to go to my current bosses to say I quit... to me not going for missions, but staying in Singapore... there is a reason... and His reason is so that I can help minister to His children... so please grant me the wisdom O Lord, give me the courage O Lord and guide me as I guide Your daughters O Lord... Thank You Lord... May Your will be done... As I ask all these in Jesus' name, amen!