Saturday, July 30, 2005

update...

been a rather eventful week i suppose... done a lot of things this week i feel...
been rather busy... i think i should ban this work from my vocab right now... been using it too often...
every other entry is about me being busy... guess i probably should re-evaluate the way i live...

having cell on monday is a little weird... haha... somehow, have yet to get accustomed to having cell on mondays...

tuesdays got a little free, but cos i needed the time to catch up on some of my school projects found some breathing space... manage to complete some of my work... but still ended up sleeping my evening away... din even watch CSI...

had to continue rushing out my projects for school on wednesday night... i so did not know that my brother has internet connection on his laptop... had i known earlier...  i would certainly have tried to borrow his laptop...

went for dinner at cartel on thursday to discuss some alumni stuff... really hope to see someone raise the alumni winds up from the dead... the seasoned folks shouldn't be the people raising it up from the dead so as to inject new blood... shall wait and see what God's perfect plans for this band of His are... after all He is the Maestro of this band... anyway, think i shouldn't eat cartel with people (dale, pearline & sean) whom i know can eat quite a bit, cos would end up over ordering... anyway, after dinner din feel exactly too well... next thing i knew, i was puking out my dinner... it was either food poisoning, stomach flu or seriously bad case of indigestion...  i was feeling so sick, perspiring cold sweat... and finally after drinking down a glass of eno thinking it was indigestion, i had to go to the toilet to puke... argh... hate it, such a waste of money... sigh... until today i still have that naeseous feeling... sigh...

went for band practice at NIE after a long time... (bout 2 years already)... my skills have turned rather rusty... but still am better than those who think they can play but cannot play... a certain mr. cf... irritating guy... sigh... the whole section i was the only person playing... the rest were like playing catch up or following me... if i stop they all stop... gosh and i tot i was pretty lousy... considering the fact that i have forgotten my scales in relation to the concert scales... sigh... anyway, am probably going to commit myself for this concert after all it is the tenth anniversary concert... wouldn't mind playing for this concert and then probably disappear again for a while... haha... been in this band for nearly five years already... and have only performed in less than four concerts... haha... sigh... mindy said i sounded rather snobbish... but i dunno la... teachers vs actors... i think actors would sound slightly high and mighty... haha... but nah... guess its just 2 years of not being in contact and have lost that in tune-ness with each other's vocabulary... guess i shall just have to be more sensitive la...

had my 2nd driving practical today... and i failed it again!!!!  this time 50 demerit points... i striked kerb 3 times, strike pole once... sigh... next time la... i will pass... maybe third time lucky and less nervous... well or maybe i am just simply destined to be driven around... haha... but my driving instructor said that i am not that bad a driver... he said i am not sotong... just simply not enough practice... so that's why i am not passing... so hopefully and prayerfully, i will pass the next time around...

 oh ya did a blog quiz... think is quite true of me... haha...

Sleepless
You, actually, dont sleep. There are just too many
things for you to do and see! Why spend half
your life lying in bed instead of enjoying
everything life has to offer?! Its not that
you are ridiculously hyper (usually), you just
have a far greater appreciation for life than

most people. Chances are youre very optimistic
and probably a little bit random sometimes, but
people love you for your happiness. Keep
smiling! Make someone's day! ^_^

How do you Sleep? (Anime Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

it's been a long time...

it's been a long time since i last update this diary of mine...

over the weekend went to batam for a retreat...

spent about $10 on a traditional massage...
i felt a little more relaxed after the massage...

think it did good for my back...
anyway, had a nice time catching up with nuanyi...
been quite a long time since i've spent an extended amount of time with her...
am feeling glad that she is back...
there are many things that God does that i can't fathom in my puny mind...

the retreat was like eat, sing KTV, chat over supper, sleep...
thank goodness it was only 2D/1N...
or else i would have definitely feel too tai tai...
haha...


am getting so busy in school that i don't have time for day time activities...
and all my la-kopi kakis are starting to stop having night time activites too...
sigh... even if they still went out at night, doubt if i could continue it too with my hectic schedule...
now is a good time to fast from my social life... haha... (aiya just joking doubt i could do it...)

no good to distant myself too much from the community...

gotta go... another busy busy day ahead...

Sunday, July 10, 2005

life....

tired...
zonked...
sleepy...
there are many words to describe my current physical condition now...
but i have no choice...
am at work now... so can't go sleep... or i'll be fired... haha...

anyway... i thank God for my kinda body...
the kind that can take the beatings of the lack of sleep...
the kind that need so little sleep that i can almost fully utilize my day...
haha... if i am running on batteries i would probably have energiser titanium/ lithium batteries in my system...
but i thank God i am running on His strength...
that's probably why i need so little recharge time...
cos as unfair as i can say my schedule is... (which i am not complaining cos i chose this lifestyle...)
God is good... He constantly recharge me as long as i go to Him daily to be recharged...
He is my source of strength...


anyway... if looks could kill... W would have died a horrible death last night...
the blabber that he said... too bad looks cannot kill...
if not he would have felt the pain of all the daggers in his skin...
too bad his skin is too thick...
shan't say anymore bad stuff about him...
but seriously... he should learn to know where the limit points are... if not...
he would probably die a more horrible death outside...
i have been rather nice and cordial already...
i think he not only offended me last night... but many at the table too...
so i guess i am probably not that mean to him after all...


going to the prison tomorrow... will blog about that tomorrow when i come back...

Friday, July 08, 2005

hmm... a little excitment in my week...

i'm having a pretty exciting week this week, knowing all the major projects that i have coming up... sooo exciting...
we're putting up a play in seven weeks time... this is actually a monologue, but it is now spilt into six different parts and everything is really exciting... haha... can't wait for rehearsals to start after we drop script next friday... the play is called the one-sided wall... argh final year... so everything just excites me... haha... going to the Changi Prison next monday to chat with the wardens to see if we could do a collaborative Community Theatre project with some of the inmates... ooohhhh.... everything is simply exciting... haha...

gonna put up a monologue next friday... taken it out from the bay at nice by david hare... first performance this academic year... hopefully i am ready for it by next tuesday... got the weekend ahead to memorise and interpret it for myself... =)

but this being the first week only, i am already rather exhausted by the activities i have at hand in school... kept dozing of in class... haha... but i think my system would kick into momentum soon and i will regain my hyperactiveness... haha...

had a whole week of harassment calls since saturday evening... some blangadeshi guy kept calling me and texting me... told him not to harass me or i would lodge a police report on wednesday evening, cos i was getting rather irritated by his incessant calling and texting... then last night, thursday night, as i was about to go to sleep, he called me on another number and challenged me to call the police... so at midnight i went to my neighbourhood police centre and finally made that report... it took me an hour and a half just to make that report cos of all the red tape that poor police officer had to go through... but it was a rather hilarious event as when the officer called the number, that guy did not answer the phone, but he called back and irritated the officer so much, the officer told him that should he call again, he is distrupting police hotline and would be charged with harassment of a police officer... haha... guess that scared him off... seriously speaking this foreigner doesn't speak proper English and it was so broken that i guess whenever i showed the messages he sent me to my friends as i related my plight, it was sorta like senseless humour of the day...

well, gotta go... meeting a whole bunch of people to go KTV at 6pm... and it is 5.15pm now... if i don't leave now, i'll be late!!!!

Monday, July 04, 2005

must say that the past week has been one eventful and blessed week...
the gateway cities youth convention was great!
not only did i get to know more people from different nationalities... i was deeply blessed by all their testimonies and their friendships...
Chika and Lidia are such funny girls... so fun to be around...
Rudi, John, Dimar and Kris are such simple people...
i enjoyed myself thoroughly throughout this whole convention..
bringing them around Singapore was great fun...
and all this started on thursday...

thursday evening...
after work, i went to queenstown area to pick up Pastor Paul Wakary, his wife and his grand-daughter, Mishela, for the dinner at a resturant in Bukit Merah...
a really gentle and warm man Pastor Wakary is...
he just gives off this warm vibe that puts people at ease...
when we reached the restaurant, i joined Mishela, Chika, Lidia, Dimar, Kris, John and Rudi with Melissa, Samuel and Pastor Debra at the table...
we had a round of introduction and sharing...
all the testimonies that these foreign delegates has shared at the table touched my heart...
it made me think about how my service to God can be put to better utilisation...
made me think about my ministry, the ministry God has entrusted to me...
suddenly, everything else seemed so mundane and out of place...
but God created each of us with a different mission on earth...
so i simply have to let go and let God... at the same time do my best in whatever arena God has placed me in...
that night after dinner, the delegates when back to their respective lodgings and mel and i helped out a little clearing up...
and because of Mel's helping out and not wanting to leave me alone, she missed the chance of sending mabel off at the airport...
in the end, we went out the whole night until morning 4am with Dex and Daniel...
went to Changi Village to look at trannies...
must say ah, they can be really quite pretty...
la teh at the Changi food centre...
went to the stretch of road off the airport to see planes land and fly off...
took out the pink straw mat Daniel had in his car boot... (he has quite a lot of pink stuff for a guy...)
felt that we needed some drinks so Daniel went to buy them...
he left saying he'll buy some soft drinks and vodka... but came back with 2 bottles of e33...
the police came and chased us away due to security reasons...
so we went back to Changi village area and went to look at haunted houses...
when into the so called haunted old Changi Hospital...
nothing scary about that, except for the ants that crawled into my pants and started biting me...
cos i lost my voice, when that Daniel tried to scare me by jumping at me i couldn't scream...
then from there we went to feng seng for prata...
of which of course i din eat cos of the condition of my voice...
and we ended the night at about 4am when i reached home i think...

was a little too zonked... cos was falling sick...

friday...
was the first day of convention and i missed the first half of it cos i overslept!!!!
wasn't thinking of sleeping that morning cos i reached home at that kinda hour...
but i took some medication and it zonked me out and so i overslept...
missed the first half of the convention...
reached in time for lunch... haha food always gets me out of bed...
thank God i din miss out too much... cos the indonesians have yet to share and my heart goes out for indonesia...
when they shared it touched my heart...
when we prayed for them i simply just cried...
i din understand why, but tears just flowed...
din cry for the other nations when i prayed but for indo the tears just flowed...

saturday...
woke up late... again...
think the late nights are having its toll on me...
was not that late cos the day's sharing just started...
missed devotion though...
fell asleep when the delegates from China were sharing... they simply went into too much details...
during the finale of the sharing... when the Malaysians prayed for Singapore, i felt so loved that tears just flowed...
brought Rudi and John to Trumpet Praise after we were dismissed...
while the rest made their way to Bugis first...
the amazing thing was when we reached Bugis to join the rest, they just reached...
so guess i am just simply fast... haha...
brought them to eat at the hawker centre behind Bugis Village...
bought Bah Kut Teh, Orh Luah, Char Hei Mee, Cai Tao Kueh (white and black each a plate,) two popiah and BBQ stingray...
it was a spread of everything unhealthy... haha...
but we had fun standing around the table eating buffet style...
everyone else were staring at us, but we din care a hoot about what they thought...
brought them to esplanade and the merlion...
Rudi and John walked with Samuel, Jeff and myself from Bugis... while the rest took the car...
Dex had a minor accident while parking and were delayed... A female driver swerved into his lane and scratched Vincent's car...
but no one was hurt in the process of it all... thank God...
we showed them the sights, and soon it was time to go back to Hope Centre cos it closes at 11.30pm...
Pastor Debra sent Dex, Samuel and Jeff to go collect the car...
while Mel, herself and i took cab with the four guys back to their lodging before they got locked out...
we got back at Hope in under 10 mins and were just in time before the doors locked...
after dropping the guys off, we crossed the road to get to the bus stop so that Mel and i could get home and Pastor Debra could walk home...
just as we got onto the other side, a cyclist suddenly appear and almost knocked Mel and Pastor Debra down...
i pulled Mel back and Mel pushed Pastor Debra out of the way...
it was rather chaotic...
but thank God that the cyclist din knock Pastor Debra into the drain that was so deep...
thank God for His protection...
Dex sorta insisted that he drove all of us home so as we waited for the three guys to come, we reflected and realised that hosting delegates would also result in us facing some kind of spiritual warfare...
the minor accident in the carpark, the near miss with that cyclist...
all spiritual warfare...
it is really amazing what T.E.O. would do to stop God's kingdom from coming...
but praise be to God for keeping us so safe...
almost went to la teh again, but thank God Samuel wanted to go home cos of the enrolment service the next morning...

sunday...
woke up late... again!!!!
second day in a roll... sigh...
reached Bukit View just in time before the bus left... phew... close shave...
tied the girls' hair for them...
checked all of their uniforms...
when we reached Singapore Expo, they all looked so pretty and smart in their uniforms...
during altar call, xinyi's mum came to know the Lord... praise be to God!!!
guess the sermon really speaked to adult and youths alike...
Life is not fair... But God is good... Amen!!!
the rest of the officers brought the girls home... Fiona, Von, Des, Charm Chng and Weiying...
while i went to the indonesian delegates to get them to eat some lunch... but failed terribly cos none of them wanted to eat...
tried to locate Dex's car to get Rudi his bible and stuff but failed terribly too... there were just simply too many cars...
and it din help that he pointed me to the wrong part of the carpark...
went in for the Chinese service...
played with Faith... she always goes "Hello Regina jie jie!" so excitedly whenever she sees me...
after the delegates were let out of the service, we brought them to the zoo...
somehow, for some weird reason, i always get to our destination before those driving... haha...
Pastor Debra, Mel and i took a cab to the zoo and since we reached early, we bought lunch...
despite my sore throat i still ate Zinger... nothing else to eat la...
we had such a fun day at the zoo, that by the end of it we were all sore and tired...
it has been such a long time since i went to the zoo...
the last time i went was probably when i was 12...
Singapore Zoo is simply the best...
my favourite animal, the penguin and the white tigers...
we reached TCT by 5.30pm... a little too early for the convention... so we had dinner...
bought satay bee hoon and char kway teow this time around for them to try... on top of their dinner...
they really like char kway teow... haha...
through this all, i realised that the taste of Singapore can be really quite unhealthy...
but whatever, i simply love the variety my nation has to offer...
went for the closing session... it was fantastic...
shared the Lord's supper with Aaron (malaysian) and Alvin (singaporean)... prayed for each other and broke bread...
quite amazing what God is doing in each of our lives...
Dex went back to get Kris' stuff that was left in Vincent's car...
and having heard Mel and I complain about our heels, he brought slippers for us to change into... how nice of him...
he came back in time for the reception... and in time for us all to go to Hope Centre to say goodbyes and last night with the delegates...
we crapped the whole night away... playing the animal game... talking and laughing...
Lidia is so funny... the way she drilled Dex about what kinda girl he likes, if he has anyone in mind etc is amazing...
but of course she din spare us at all... she drilled Mel, Von and myself too...
den Pastor Debra made a comment that this fillipino guy nicknamed "well done" was considered cute amongst some of the girls...
so John went down to get him to join us and Lidia and Chika grilled him...
it was soooooo funny...
being the social butterfly i simply ignored the fact that i was to be in school the next day...
din leave Hope Centre till 1.30am...
went to collect my things from Dex's car boot and Mel and i needed to change back to our heels and return him his slippers...
was about to change mine when he said no need la i give you... so i went home looking rather silly holding my heels in my hands...
reached home at 2am with my mum asking me if i need not go to school...
had she not woke me up this morning, i would probably be late again this morning...
thank God i am not late for class this morning... was perfectly on time...


guess the bottomline of this whole week was that i had been so blessed to be allowed to be a blessing unto the lives of others... quite a priviledge to be a servant of God... =)

 

Thursday, June 30, 2005

staying out late...

staying out late isn't anything unusual for me...
but the people whom i was staying out late with last night were special...
why do i say so?
well...
basically they are home-bodies...
the others in the group like Dex and Mel i've stayed out late with them before...
but the home-bodies like Von, Des and Jeff... these are surprises...
and it is special... haha... cos Von and Des prefer to stay home after 12...

it was a night of fun and laughter...
though i couldn't laugh... (every time i laugh, the headache that was plaguing me the whole of last night would throb...)
and the fact that i was losing my beautiful voice didn't help much...
but i had fun...
met Dex and Jeff at 5pm (the rest were all LATE... but nevermind they had their reasons... understandable...)
had dinner at this really homely place at some ulu shopping mall...
the food is really nice though...
i had baked fish... simply delicious...
then there was the really nice lady who made me the honey lemon drink with salt (which i had to pay $4.80 for...)
but it was good... for the rest of the evening i actually had my voice!!!
caught  War of the World at 7.15pm...
ate 2 handful of popcorn only... and then had to stop cos my voice was going again...
went to la teh at this kopitiam next to meridian hotel... i really la teh lor... hot one some more...
and  once again i couldn't find my voice... (blame it on the popcorn and my lack of self-discipline...)
after tea, went to play pool at K-Pool... (after all i only have a few days of holidays before i am in my final year... so i just hanged out lor... no chance when school reopen liao ma...)
Des is so funny...
Say she dunno how to play, but she like pro like that, just keep putting the balls into the pocket...
Very zai for someone who claims she can't play...
Von also very funny...
Keep saying cannot play cannot play... Also played very well for a first-timer...
Recall the times when my balls fly out of the table... Cue stick down go where... Von is really good for a beginner lor...
These two ladies, really 人不可貌像...
The most terrible thing would probably be the fact that i actually forgot to exchange back my IC!!!
Nevermind, Jeff gonna help me take... (So nice of him...)
That was basically wad i did last night...
It was fun hanging out till the wee hours of the morning with all of them especially Von and Des...

Slept at 3.30am... Woke up for work at 6.30am...
Ten years down the road and my body will scold me for doing such crazy things...
But for now, losing my voice is bad enough... Haha...


It is almost 3pm...
2.47pm to be exact...
Haven't had lunch yet...
Didn't have breakfast either...
Am so hungry...
My throat is still painful...
Dunno what i can actually eat...


Sunday, June 26, 2005

God's goodness...

God is really amazing and faithful...
(Duh statement I know... But ya He is!!!!)
My King never fails to provide me with me needs...
He has time and time again blessed me with abundance...
It is really true...
When we serve Him faithfully, giving Him our spoonful of faithfulness...
He will bless us with His shovelful of blessings...

His Providence

Just a week ago, I was panicking...
I had to pay my school fees last Monday and I don't know where all my money had gone...
At that point of time I was thinking I won't be getting my scholarship this year, cos the letter has yet to come notify me of anything...
I was panicking thinking I won't graduate by 2006... Haha...
So after a bit of fretting and a lot of prayers... (On my own and with support from my Spiritual sisters...)
I went to seek alternatives like paying in installments etc...
On Monday when I went to ask if I could make payment on a later date or pay by installments, I was told that there has been an extension of dateline for fee payment... (I had till that Friday...)
Then I asked about the scholarship and stuff, only to get answers like the board is still pending their decision...
So after bugging my school's Academic Admin...
I went off to wait... And pray some more...
Friday came and I was told to ask about installment plans at the finance department...
I inquired about the installment plan, explaining that I had done so previously...
Then a lady (think she the manager or supervisor) came and asked me if I had applied for the scholarships...
She then took my student pass and went to check her records of awardees...
To my pleasant surprise I had been awarded a scholarship of $1500...
It may not be much, but it is half of my fees already...
This means I had to pay another $780...
I asked about my pay... (Which incidentally have been taking forever to payout...)
It was quite a sum and tomorrow I simply need to pay about $200 to clear my fees for this semester...
I really thank God for His providence...
Time and time again, He showers me with His wonderful blessings...
Time and time again, He shows me that He is so ever faithful to His servants...
Time and time again, He allows me the priviledge to testify of His goodness...
Time and time again, He sees me through each moulding process...
Thank God that He allows me to tap into His powerHis deliverance, and His abundance...
Thank God that He only answers our prayers with the best... (Or as Des would say, "the bestest of best"...) 

 

 

 

Psalm 145: 16

"You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing."

The Fast

Psalm 25:4

"Show me Your ways, O Lord, teach me Your paths"

I did it... haha...
I did the fast... haha...
I think I am crazy...
It was not so much about me wanting to know if he is the
One...

It was more like I wanted to guard my heart...
I started out the fast telling God to let the feelings fade out if he is not His plans for me...
Right now the feelings have yet to fade, but I guess it is too early to tell...
Anyway, I did it not because I want a relationship out of it...
But because I know that my control over this area needs growing...
In the past, my heart would flutter in an instance if the guy is nice to me...
Now, I thank God for moulding me...
I am having a lot more control over this area now...
At least I can now see that the guy is genuinely nice to everyone not just me...
(something I would have been blinded to in the past...)
After the three days, I am coming out of it more at peace...
I am not anxious to get an answer...
Cos if it comes it comes...
If not then I just have to be patient and seek His plans...
Saw him yesterday, went out as a group...
No funny feelings...
No special feelings...
No awkwardness either...
I am probably not ready for God's answers...
But no longer am I anxious about it...
No longer am I troubled by this issue...
I did not enter the fast with any expectations...
I simply told God that I want to fast to hear His voice clearer in this aspect of my life...
To take out my voice from this aspect from my life...
The fast has taught me something...
Before the fast, I know that it is in God's hands....
After the fast, I still know that it is in God's hands...
The only difference is now I am not holding on to my own minute understanding...
But am now patiently awaiting God's reply...
Because I know that God knows everything I want to say before I even start the first sentence...

Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord
Psalm 139:4

Final Thoughts

Simply need to come daily to God to seek His providence in every aspect of our lives...
If we ask, He will definitely open up the treasury in heaven and pour forth His blessings in our lives...
If there is a need, we simply need to call upon God to provide on a daily basis...
Because He is Abba Father, He will provide...
I am a daily testimony to His daily providence...

 

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

tired eyes...

my eyes are soring... facing the computer too much... but what to do... it's part of my job... sigh~!
why am i still blogging then? cos i got nothing better to do... haha...

...

freezing... been freezing since yesterday morning... is there something seriously wrong with me?
or have i been sitting in the office for too long...

...

went to K box with Zhengyuan, Kelvin, Yiting, Charm Cheong,  Vincent, this guy they keep calling " 彩紅夏日營 " and Zheng Yuan's female friend...  K Box is expensive... But whatever... Haha... I've the lifetime membership with K Box now... So until it winds up business, I can go on wednesday nights for free... Haha... But still I prefer the KTV places I frequent better... Haha...

okie... " 彩紅夏日營 " (let's just call him John... I think that's his name if I am not mistaken...) Gosh... he looks 19... but in actual fact he is 23... i couldn't believe it... and surprisingly we have mutual friends outside church... haha... i always thought that being in theatre, not many would have friends connected to each other... haha... my last impression of this guy was from tabernacle... he was changing the candles on the golden lampstand... and i was thinking to myself who is this "di di"... never see him before ma... so now we are acquainted... and i realised that he is not a "di di"... Haha...

...

stomach is growling... but i shall stick to my fast... i wanna put a stop to my emotions if it is not part of God's plans...
His ways are far greater than mine... so i shall fast and seek His ways and wait for Him to answer me...

...

cannot take it anymore... my hands are freezing... need to go out of this office and breathe in some warm air...

...

got bored and decided to do this quiz which Seah did... haha...

Your dating personality profile:

Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.
Conservative - You take a conservative stance on most issues and aren't shy about saying so. Your political views are an important component of who you are.
Your date match profile:

Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.
Traditional - You aren't looking for someone who is sexually repressed. You want someone who is adventurous under the covers.
Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.
Your Top Ten Traits

1. Religious
2. Big-Hearted
3. Conservative
4. Athletic
5. Adventurous
6. Practical
7. Traditional
8. Outgoing
9. Romantic
10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Religious
2. Traditional
3. Practical
4. Big-Hearted
5. Adventurous
6. Athletic
7. Conservative
8. Romantic
9. Intellectual
10. Outgoing


Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

 




 

Monday, June 20, 2005

just being God chick...

feeling sad and happy... very mixed emotions within me...

sigh... it was weird sending them off to missions...
for the past 2 years, i've always been the one being sent off...
this time around i was sending them off... a little weird...
everyone keeps thinking that i am going... haha... 
having mixed emotions... 
am happy for them that they are going out to serve the nations...
yet sad cos i wanna go back and see the little children...
had to give instructions to bring toys to these little kids...
wondering if mel remembers... she has so many things to remember already...

was a little upset over the comments of me helping with the check-in...
made me felt like i was doing too much... sigh... whatever...
its just in me to help... so they can say whatever they want...
i shall continue to serve God's people whenever i can...
be it with little things like checking in...
or washing the toys clean so that i can give it to the little kids...
(the toys were sooooo WHITE and nice smelling...)
or simply doing errands or admin stuff...
i find joy doing it... and it serves God's purpose for that moment (i think)...
so i am just gonna toss out negative comments...
and just continue as i am...
love me or hate me... i dont really care...
all i care is taking care of the people God has placed around me...

said Happy Father's Day to my dad... a little awkward...
it had been a long time since i said these three words to him...
guess the last time was when i was in primary school...
really had to swallow my pride and just say it...
but i guess he felt loved by me... cos he was a little paiseh...
he simply said thanks and hung up... haha...
my dad aint the mushy mushy kinda guy...

there are a gazillion and one things to do this week...
went to give tuition today in the morning and then go to school for work...
meeting Zhengyuan and co for KTV session later in the evening...
(think i am going KTV a little too much...)
gotta go to the airport and fetch some austrialians on tues...
meeting Des and Charm on tues for a girls out session... (isssit still on???)
going to the airport again to fetch some international student on wed...
meeting Mag to simply catch up with her on wednesday for dinner...
having cell group this thursday... (which reminds me i haven't prepare the word...)
need to take friday off to get the uniforms for the GB girls and settle some stuff...
and then go for GB parade...
working for Vpact on sat... meeting NY that evening... (i think...)
working at office on sun...

gosh when will i finish packing my room?!?!?!

oh ya... please keep me in prayer... need to pay school fees by 24th...
dunno where all my money went... (guess my pay haven't come in...)
so got no moolah to pay my fees...
pray that i get my scholarship from school... they are still pending...
thanks...

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The Lord is my Banner...

Was quite upset today by my aunt's comments... All that she said about me... About the teachings of the church... About me not caring about my family... About me helping out in church... About me not knowing my family... All so unfounded and untrue... But I am still upset about it... Felt so accused... It was like there she is not seeing the full picture and with her warped perspective of what she sees she chides me... And worst she said I was like my mum... Running a way from the problem... Getting annoyed by her comments... I mean who won't? Throwing baseless accusations... So what if she is frustrated with my mum? That gives her no right to scold me for the things she think I didn't see... And me not wanting to offend her, cause I know I might say something rude back just kept quiet, and because of that she got even angrier at me and hung up the phone on me... It was so stressful talking to her that I simply just cried and cried... This is the first time in a very long time I felt so persecuted...

What she doesn't see, she accuses me of not doing... She doesn't realise that I am not helping out at the shop because I am working outside... She doesn't see the hardwork I am putting in to lighten my parents' financial load... She doesn't know the fact that I have opted out of missions this year because I wanted to obey my parents and show them that I care about them too... And the worst is she doesn't know why I didn't visit my brother in hospital... I didn't go home from camp the night when I receive the news because I didn't want my parents to worry and because my brother told me not to worry my parents... She didn't see how worried I was for my brother that I cried throughout worship and whenever I found myself alone... She didn't know how concern I was for my brother, fearing that he might commit suicide because he is depressed... Argh.... I simply felt so accused...

Wanted to call Mel... But she didn't answer her phone... Called Des and cried... Think I just simply burdened her with my problems... But I needed to cry... She had to go for her piano lesson... So left it hanging... Sigh... But later she sent me a sweet sms... Thanks Des... And thanks Jeff for the prayer...

Somehow nothing can be further from the truth... When there God's plans are working out perfectly... TEO will try to come and make you question if what you are doing is right... I know that my girls need me... And that there are greater works that will be brought to fruition... And because these things have yet to come to pass, TEO will come and try to steer you away from the goal... Listen up TEO... I will not falter... You may wanna come and try to put me down, but I will not let you... You are not bigger than MY GOD! So forget it... Get lost... I will rise up and stand strong... There may be times I wanna cry and I will cry... But after those tears are shed, I will come back even stronger... So it is war... And I know the heavenly angels will win... Cause My Lord is my Redeemer, Savious, Rock, Banner and Righteousness... He will bring the victory and the harvest will be harvested...

Before I started surfing the net, I went to the Lord in prayer... And after that I am at peace... I know that my Lord is good and His mercies endures forever... So I shall continue to pray and persevere on for my family's salvation...  The Lord has dispelled all my fears and dried up my tears...


Ended up surfing the net and did some silly blogging quiz... Haha... Guess the internet is not that bad afterall... At least it took my mind off things and I had a good laugh... How true is this I dunno though...

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read. Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Busy busy me...

Okie... Been a while since I last blogged I guess... Haha... Am so busy of late... First it was my birthday party... Then there was the GB camp (which I would love to elaborate on...) Then work is like busy busy now... Haha... My colleague was just saying how amazed he is at me being able to juggle so many things... And that I look so busy, and the fact that I am actually busy... Haha... Do I?

Well... Must say that I am very glad to have been part of the GB camp... Though I was probably off my tangent throughout the camp... Could have done away with me screaming at the girls... Was rather out of control the first two days... Finally mellowed down on the second evening... Was looking back and reflecting why on earth I was so mad at these girls... I have came to a conclusion... There is a major stress management area in my life I need to seriously grow in... The stress of the camp, logistics, girls not responding, girls giving you that papaya face, my brother being in hospital with suspected gastric cancer... Guess the last item freaked me out and push me over the edge...

But through the camp, I have learnt to focus on just making the girls are okay... I mean, I literally fought back tears to get things prepared... I was basically okay, until the orienteering when I just lost my strong countenance and just broke down... Guess the girls were probably wondering how come this ma'am so weird one... One moment she is screaming her head off and the other she is crying like mad... But I seriously couldn't be bothered how the girls saw me... Think it is also part of God's plan that I actually showed my vulnerable side to some of the GB girls... Afterall, I am not that strong... They were probably too puzzled to wonder why I was crying... But who wouldn't cry knowing that your brother is in the hospital, having just puked blood, and the doctor diagnosed that it might be gastric cancer and it might result in a stroke... I just got so frightened at the thought that I might lose my brother that I just cried and cried... I went back to Daniel Hall to get my stuff.. But was too distraught to go back to the campsite and do mass tin cooking with the girls... So I asked Melissa for permission to stay for the opening ceremony of Tabernacle...

At the opening ceremony, I simply just kept crying... Throughout worship, I would sing the songs and end up crying...  Pastor William came over and prayed over me... This was probably the only time I have every cried so much... I stopped only when Pastor William started speaking... The only break I got from crying was probably when Pastor William and Pastor Debra spoke... Then when Pastor William gave the first altar call to receive healing, I went down for my brother's sake... I cried and cried... Told Pastor Debra about what happened... Then went back feeling alot better... Then there was the second altar call for the leaders... I went down again... Cried again... Got slained by the Holy Spirit and bumped my head on the floor... Felt a whole lot better... Then went back to my seat, cried abit more... Got slain again this time along the aisle... And as usual, my hair got stepped by someone... And I was in a totally awkward position... But I felt the Holy Spirit doing His work... So was finally at peace by the end of the service...

After the service, found myself having to go back to the campsite alone... So decided that I shall look for a ride from the BB boys' bus... Went to ask Jeff if I could... Then he did the thing I never thought he would... Haha... He offered to walk me back instead... Haha...  Along the way, was telling him that he should show this nice side of him more often... To which he replied... "Not everyone should see my nice side... If not got alot of rumours... " I guess it is quite true... But I feel that if one is sincere and genuine when treating people, there should be no rumours... And even if there is any, it is simply because people know this person would probably be unaffected by it all...

On Saturday we had kayaking for the GB girls... If not for the GB girls, I doubt Von and Fiona would enter the waters with the risk of probable capsize... But anyway I think Von and Fiona love the girls and care for them enough to put aside their fears and go kayaking with them... I was basically quite pissed at the instructor who did not teach the girls how to use their oars... So the girls all end up all over the sea... Haha... I had to undertake the task of teaching some of the girls to use the oar... Sigh... Got darker... And tired... Being water confident (despite being unable to swim)... I was guiding the girls who felt sick back to the shore half way through the session... Then I rowed back all the way to join the rest... Totally exhausted myself by the end of it... I guess, I am not that bad... Am actually quite sporty... Can kayak, roller blade, ice-skate, cycle... Haha... And I have better stamina than the younger girls.. Haha... Always thought I was leading a rather unhealthy life... Haha...


Went for tabernacle that evening... Brought the girls into the Tabernacle... Surprised by their reactions... Found Mag, Charmaine and Annabel outside at the Outer Courts... They knelt at every "station" for a long time... Prayed for them when the Holy Spirit prompted.. They all cried and looked really burdened... Asked them to share when they came out... But they were quite mum about it... Prayed for them and Charmaine and Magdalene cried... Mag was crying so hard.. It made me wanna cry with her too...


After I send Mag to the carpark to meet her dad... Went back to the GB girls.. Was told drill competition was in a few minutes time and I was to change into my boots... We marched, and the officer contingent won... But of course... We had to teach these girls... So somehow, we had to be at our best... My coy lost to the other coy and the girls were quite disappointed... It was like written all over their faces, after the results were announced... But still I am very very proud of these beautiful girls... They didn't complain throughout the camp... They may be a little nua nua but when they get really motivated, they can be really realy zai... These girls are indeed stars... They have the potential to burn so brightly... They just need the right motivation...

After drill comp, I changed out of my boots and wanted to go do my solitude... But prior to that, Jeff stopped me and asked me and Weicong to help him decipher the vision he saw while in the Tabernacle... It was burning too much of my brain juice... Haha... Then we started talking... And I didn't do my solitude until 3am... As I walked along the beach, singing worship to God... God showed me a verse, which at this moment I simply can't recall... Haha... At about 3.30am I entered the Tabernacle alone... And fell asleep at each stop... Fell asleep at the brazen altar, bronze lever, golden lampstand and altar of incense... I wanted to seek God to heal my brother and ask Him what His plans are for me, but I simply couldn't do it... I only lasted a few minutes and fell right into sleep for about 20 minutes at each stop... Gosh... I felt soooo bad... Then I finally moved to the Holy of Holies, before the Ark of Covenant... And I slept till 7.30am... I think this Tabernacle experience, the Lord wanted me to rest in Him... Cos I was so energised by the time I woke up... I have been too busy for the Lord... I like my time of solitude, must do it more often... Heehee...

During the closing message for the GB camp, Melissa told the story of the prodigal son... To which, the GB girls responded and 4 more girls responded to accept the Father's love in their lives... Amen... Now most of the GB girls in sec 1 have indicated that they are open, with the exception of probably the muslim girl... But I know God has a plan for each girl and it is unique... All the officers' task is to love them and show them GOd's love... I must say, this camp brought me to see the girls in a different light... Totally changed my view of them... No longer are they the nua nua lembeh lembeh girls... They are now strong and shining stars...

That afternoon, we had lunch at Roland's restaurant... And we sat with Pastor William... Gosh... So scary... Haha... But we had fun... Heehee... Then Von had to go point out that I am sitting directly across to someone on the next table... Tsk tsk... Didnt even notice lor... Haha... But anyway I was more interested in Faith... Was playing with her throughout the bus ride from ECP to Roland... Then when she finished her lunch, was playing with her again... Haha... Guess when it comes to kids vs guys... Kids always gain my attention more... Was totally exhausted by the end of the closing ceremony of Tabernacle... There was no long word, but there was a great time of worship... Which by the end of it, I over exerted my ligaments and muscles... Had a sharp pain at the back of my right knee and pain at my right ankle... Ended up limping... And the guys were like "Regina what happened to you?" Chen An or was it Samuel who commented that "3 days of roughing out at camp and when I worship I injure myself..." Somehow I think people are used to the fact that this would always happen... Haha... But was so tired, that I forgot about the ice-box!!!!! Until the next morning when I was brushing my teeth did I realised my folly... Panicked... Called everyone I could to help... Then Dellia told me to check Roland restuarant to see if it was there... Thank God it was and I went to claim it back that evening after work... How blur I can be... Haahaa...

Helped with missions packing yesterday... It was alot of work for many of them... Packing, loading, distributing... I had the relaxing job of purchasing stuff... Not exactly that relaxed, as I had to make sure that the other two were on schedule with me... And having a person who tries to stretch my time limit is really stressful... He happens to be able to be not punctual for practically everything he does... Sigh... He needs to grow in the area of not trying to juggle too many balls at the same time if not able to... He like to multi-task to disastrous results... Bottomline... Men just simply can't seem to multi-task... Probably over generalising, but seriously speaking, I have yet to see a man multi-task... They simply aint wired that way... Well at least he isn't wired that way...

That Jeff... Was just thinking I should really treat him nicer, when he decides he shall tease me about a certain someone... So learning to ignore him for now with regards to the teasing... I simply dont get it... Everyone else has stopped... But he is always half a beat late... Sigh... But seriously speaking, I am beginning to see the better side of him... The more gentlemanly side... No longer the boy-boy side...

Was reading through my friend's blogs... And did this personality test... Think it describes me quite well... Dunno about the balanced part... But how much can an online test be true I really dunno... You be the judge...

You Have A Type A- Personality
A-
You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds
 
Reading the book Daniel gave me... God Chicks... Really speaking to me... Haha... Books nowadays are speaking to me more than they were before... Is it the maturity that is coming with age? I dunno... But am definitely getting more books that I am able to apply to my life better...
This is getting too long... Better stop liao...

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

My 21st Pink Party...

I've turned 21!!!! Had my pink party... The food was great... But of course...  My mummy is such a great cook... The party turn out was rather good given that it is a weekday... The cake was fantastic... Of course, cos I've always had great taste.. Everything turned out quite fine... And I did enjoy myself...

Having a party is one stressful event though... Especially when most of the things needed to be done is like done by myself... I thank God for the help that came along the way... Melissa did quite a bit... Brought the camera... Put out some "fires"... And the help from Lydia is like rather major... She did the nice e-invite... Brought camera to take photographs... Then there is Daniel who took the camera from Lydia and just started snapping wildly... Haha...

There is of course my spiritual family (immediate [ladies] and extended [guys]) to thank for... The "fires" my spiritual sisters had to put out... The help some of my spiritual brothers rendered (automatically or hinted)... I cannot say thank you enough...


The guys who came to my party were of much help... Haha... My cousin's boyfriend was so concerned I wasn't eating the food that he took a plate of food and made sure I ate... Then of course there are the spiritual brothers who mostly surprised me... Haha... Throughout the night, Melvin kept asking me to not be so busy... Haha... That I should be enjoying my party... I was pleasantly surprised when Yinghan and Melvin volunteerily helped me gather the people, cut the cake et cetra... Then there was Dex who helped me give out the cakes... And he passed me my own cake to ask me to eat... I was like thinking shouldn't I be the one giving you the cake? Haha... When Jeff came to help me drink the second drink my brother mixed cos no one else would, I was pleasantly surprised too... Weicong was so concerned about me getting drunk... Haha... Told me not to drink if I couldn't take it anymore... He of course doesn't know that I am a girl who holds her liquor very well... Haha... Seriously, the guys ain't half as bad as we sometimes say they are... They just need the opportunity to allow their gentlemanliness (is there such a word?) shine...

My spiritual sisters are of course helpful too... They did the things no one really notice... Like when Daeyna stormed out... Shirong was crying... Et cetra... The "fires" they had to put out...

Some guys are simply put, too good to be true... Haha... But of course they do have areas of growth that need to be addressed, but on the whole, they are the kinda guys girls are looking out for... The gentlemanly, quietly doing things backstage without a need for anyone to notice...
Weicong, helped me entertained my little cousin Keith (who everyone found soooo cute...) the whole evening... His concern for me getting drunk was just as a spiritual brother ought to... And then during the prayer, he was again asking the rest not to dunk me with flour... He is as a spiritual brother should be... Always protecting fellow sisters from danger...
Dex, did a lot of little things I think... Things that others have pointed out... Apart from helping me distribute the cake... He other things like sweeping the floor of the mess my cousin made... Sweeping the floor of the flour my spiritual family dunk on me... Drove my spiritual sisters to the MRT station (and getting lost while coming back)... He probably did more than I did see... When we went out after the party, he had no qualms about having an overloaded car... Haha... When we went for supper (or should I call it breakfast since it was at 4am)... And I went to foot the bill, got scolded by him... Haha... Rather MCP I feel... He then drove us all back home, though he had to meet Nigel at 1pm... This guy is too nice... Ditto to what Des said... He is really a genuine guy, with no hidden agenda...
These two guys are probably the kinda we can term Godly guys... Man after God's heart... And ditto to what Yvonne said... They should write a module in SOL to teach boys to become men... Haha...

The gifts I got were rather similar throughout...
Gabe gave me a basketful of Lavender scented toiletries from Crabtree & Evelyn...
My cousin gave me shower gel and lotion from Body Shop...
Daniel gave me the book God's Chick... A book that I have been wanting to buy...
Weikang gave me the book The Essential C.S. Lewis... A very very thick book...
Yiting's cell gave me a pink striped bag...
Dex gave me a very loud pink bag, a red cross choker like necklace...
Winston a silk scarf (which he kept asking me to model it)...
Elissa, Jennifer, Peiyi, Seokie gave me a red necklace...
Simin, Mingjie and Elise gave me a blue necklace...
Alicia gave me a pair of orange earrings...
The ladies from my subzone gave me a pair of pink earrings and pink skirt (which sad to say, the bottom to stripes of lace tore when I washed it... I'm so sad)...
Weicong gave me perfume from DKNY Be Delicious...
My brother's girlfriend gave me perfume from Body Shop...
Dale, Sean and Lydia got me $30 Heeren shopping voucher... (eh u guys noe me well enuf to get me a present lor!)

Pastor Debra gave me $20 taka shopping vouchers...
Kai gave me a handmade brooch and Royce chocolate...

Shang, Bingkai and Mark gave me WOW #1s...
Melvin and Yinghan bought me this huge matchstick...

My aunt gave me an ang pow...
And so did Melissa's mum...
I think that's all of the presents... Thank God for them... Cos some of these things are stuff I won't buy for myself cos I would have rendered them useless to me at the price that I am going to pay... But nevertheless, these presents made me feel loved... haha... Be it the lack of taste in it (for the presents that some of the guys bought)... Or the total knowing what I need gifts that I got... Makes me feel loved, cos it is afterall the thought that counts...

Shall stop blogging liao... Think it's too long... Haha...

here's the pictures...

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Divine Dance...


 



Finally... I found the book I was looking for!!! The Divine Dance by

Shannon Kubiak... I found it alas! Really like what she wrote in this book... Read about

half the book already... Though was suppose to be preparing for cell... Preparing for

everything else... I thank God I can find time to read this book... It's about dancing the

one true dance we all are suppose to dance for our Lord... Like the way she puts

everything together... It makes me think about the way I live...


Too often a times, I would like to please everybody around me... Seeing them happy

makes me happy... Too often a times, I forget that I only need to look to pleasing one

person only... GOD... I thought that meeting the needs of others, making them happy

is what God wanted no doubt... But He wants me to worship Him, not please the

world... I have too often a time forgotten my true calling... I get myself so busy and

think that I am serving Him... I enjoy making all that I do worship unto Him... Yet I know

full well that it is not what He desires... He desires my obedience... To obey His voice...

To rest when He says so and to do the things He says to do... He desires my obedience...

To worship Him and pray on my knees... His ways are far greater than mine...  And like a

story I read the other day... The story is called Pushing the Rock... I am reminded that

God's ways are beyond our understanding...



Pushing the Rock...

God was talking with a man and asked him to go to this rock and push on it. For years

the man did what God asked him to do and continued to push on the rock.

One day, the devil came up to this man and said "look at you, you are pushing this

rock but it is going nowhere, it hasn't even moved an inch." Thus the man started to

have doubt and prayed to God and asked him why the rock is not moving. He said that

he was faithful in pushing the rock but nothing is moving. Then God answered,  "I told

you to push the rock, not move it. Look at the muscle that you gain from pushing on the

rock all these years, the strength that you gain. I have someone else planned to move

the rock, your purpose was to push on it."



This story reminded me that sometimes, as I pray, no matter how long and hard, He is moving

the mountains... That God just want me on my knees longer... So that I get stronger knees...

So that with the strengthen knees, I can dance the Divine Dance for Him... I basically need to stop

dancing to the rhythm of the world... And be more in tune with God's rhythm for me...




Thursday, June 02, 2005

happy... tired... peeved...

been going out almost everyday after work the whole of this week... was out at Orchard on sat... Orchard on sun... Orchard on mon... Orchard on tues... Orchard again on wed... i need to stop it... haha... n i need to go find my own space! been seeing the same person consecutively for the pass 3 days... need a break... i shall go shopping ALONE today after work since it my only alone time today... shall spend my evening with my Lord today...

was talking to Von on the phone yesterday... i have given up reading ppl's mind... so i asked her wad she wanted for her birthday... we were simply talking and laughing... the conversation lasted an hour i think... this farnie girl... while i waited for charm to end work, i saw julian... so went to say hi for a split sec with von still on the line... so von asked who i saw yadayada... told her julian and she asked if i invited him to my party... dunno lei... should i??? anyway, i asked her wad she wanted, and i remembered wad des said on sun... that von would like this kinda shoes... and von kept saying she dunno wad she wan... so i asked her if she wanted anything apart from a piano... den i told her wad i saw with des and wad des said that sun... how it is so von... and von went but its expensive for a pair of school shoes... so i said i'll paint a pair for her... and she went how she preferred being made stuff den bought... so i thought settled... but apparently it was a bad move huh? cos after reading des' od i probably quashed her chance to surprise von... i dunno la... i havent been doing anything right of late with anyone... but it made me realised that the ppl i tot i noe, i dont...

i simply dont know u... no matter how much time i spend with you (or for the matter of fact how little)... i could never seem to understand u... sometimes, i thought i know wad u want... but it turns out i m wrong... i m sorry that i dashed ur chance to show her how much telepathy there is between the 2 of u... realised that no matter wad i do, it is always wrong... i m tired of it all... tired of reading ur mind... i m no psychic... n i dont have telepathy with u...

okie y is my entry getting depressive... lemme brighten it up... sigh...

on sat... bought Gwen's b-dae prezzie... bought a hot pink halter top from Fox...
on sun... bought small stuff... a scarf, a foot petal, a pink flower hair accessory...
on mon... went looking for pink and silver balloons found none...

on tues... went to look for that book i wanted, but it is sold out...
on wed... bought earrings... body scrub... nail polish remover...
on thurs... wondering wad i will buy today... haha...

Edric sounded like he's gonna buy me an iPod shuffle for my birthday... haha... Edwin said he'll colour my hair for me before my birthday... sweet brothers i have...

Some people have been asking me wad i want for my birthday... I realised like Von, everything i wan no one can really afford it... but everything else i dont need... so guess i m actually a simple sentimental person... dont gimme anything that can be worn out... i just wan something i can probably keep forever... haha... sentimental fool i am... sigh...

Monday, May 30, 2005

thoughts of the day...

RSVPhmm... one more week and it is my BIRTHDAY!!!!!
i m both excited and yet slightly sian about it liao...
thinking about all the unresponsive people and
having to need to ask them for RSVPs...

pink and silver balloons...
bright pink all over the house muahahahahaha....
should i go get pink cloth???
i want a pink cake but all the cakes look so fake being pink...
haha...
tom yam soup... lemon fish... mixed veggie... bee hoon...
wad else did i asked my mummy for? sigh... i forgot!!!!

 Hairy 
think i need a hair cut soon... haha...  (side-track abit)
i m going to colour my hair strawberry blonde!!!
leave half natural... the other half go strawberry blonde...
muahahaha...

in the midst of all the things that are happening right now...
my birthday party seem so trivial...
so many things are happening now that i m getting a
sense of being rather helpless...

i can do so little in the midst of these frantic stuff... 
it is in such moments that we really understand the power of God...
in our weaknesses He is strong...
when we feel most helpless, can He do His wonderous deeds...



 

reading the newspaper this morning...

saw the reports of bombing in sulawesi...
it just brings to mind how can people invoke hurt on people?

don't they feel the pain?
are they simply senseless militants
who just wanna see Grenadebloodshed in their homeland?
i just don't understand how
it is possible for people to hurt others...
sigh
they just hurt themselves in the end...
they just dont get it i guess...

Sunday, May 29, 2005

rambling...

went out with WY and Charm Cheong last night to look for Gwen's present... found it and we wanted to go shopping a little... but the shops were all closing!!!! why oh why do shops close early during the GSS?!?! i think it's to stop me from spending money... haha... bought a hot pink halter neck top from Fox... Charm bought a similar one in black... said we'll wear it on saturday... haha... gosh... really must go shopping soon... haha...


haha the avocado juice from yesterday has been churning my stomach for more than 12 hrs liao... stomache... argh!!! 


got free trial membership for a gym at paragon... fitness first... my friend nominated me on her list of trial memberships... haha so farnie... 



my guest list has gone up to 49 people... haha... cos i so forgot about some of my JC classmates... haha... blur me... but nevermind la... 21st birthday... the more the merrier!!! hahaha.... my pink party... pink cake... pink deco... pink everything!!!! muahahahaha!!!! i've gone bonkers!

Friday, May 27, 2005

sigh...

I failed my TP... guess I won't be driving anytime soon... retaking my TP end july... so for the time being I shall just be driven around... haha...

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Busy busy....

 Am I a busy person?
I think I am not...
But others think I am...
I think I am simply just a very enthusiastic person...
Who simply love to help others...
When I say I'll do it I'll do it...
But others around me just see me as a super woman...
Gungho and super-onz...
Able to face all challenges...
But they don't see me in my weakest...
They simply see what they choose to see...
When they see that I am "busy"...
They don't realise how free I am...
When they see that I am "free"...
They don't realise that I am actually in my most busy period...
I have given up time and time again trying to explain myself...
If they know me, they know me...
Well, at least I know my spiritual "mummy" does...

 

Last night had a breakdown... Felt rather accused... It all accumulated and now looking back... I am feeling bad that I seemed to have allowed myself to push everything onto Mel... Allowed T.E.O to put in my mind that I am not good enough etc... When she didn't even mean it that way...

It all began with the issue of the compasses... Then started talking about the girls... How irresponsible they can be at times... So as the talk progressed and Mel asked me about the things I needed to get doing I simply lost it... sigh...

But had a talk with Mel on the phone and I know that she won't reprimand me... She simply is concern if I am going to exhaust myself... Talking to her released and prevented deception from creeping in... I know I need to learn to let go more... Say "No..." to unnecessary commitments more... I need to learn to see things in God's perspective more... All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial... So I guess I simply need to learn to look at things which are beneficial to my growth more than simply saying yes to everything that comes along the way... Need to learn to weigh my priorities better... I am learning... But along the way, I would probably still get myself into unnecessary situations... Haha... But that's just me la... Too generous with my yeses...

Tomorrow TP... Gonna get my driver's license... Yeah... Then I need not take the slow-poke bus... The horrible MRT... Or trust in cab drivers who do not know their way and then over charge me... With my license I'll probably spend more time with my parents... Driving them around... So watch out Singapore... I'm on the road... Make way!

 

Friday, May 20, 2005

mixed emotions

why is life more complicated as we grow older? things are just not the same from those olden days of childhood memories...

prayer meeting last night was good... i cried but dunno why really... i think i need a break... a break from everything in life right now... need to find a place of solitude with God... how i wish the retreat is this month, but wadeva... i wanna shut up and shut out the life i have now... but i know i can't... why have things gone this way? is my life not right again? oh shut up u evil voice in my head and get out of my mind!

i am not feeling at my peak today... my heart is growing hard towards stuff... why does wad people say still affect me so? searched my heart and realised that there is no truth in wadeva he said... he don't really know me... and for him to make such a comment... knowing it simply irks me... wadeva... it is just probably because i have don't really like him and am sometimes rather mean to him that's why he said wadeva he said... well, from this day forth i shall be nice... even if it means hard work... i shall be nice...

i am sadden by the news i received this morning... sigh Lord give me Your guidance... i shall have solitude on sunday... after my driving lesson... i shall not organise anything for the next few weeks... don't wanna be bothered by what people say... shall just join whatever activity that others invite and consider it case-by-case...

i dun wanna care! i simply wanna live my life now and not be bothered by what other people has to say about me...

why am i in such a depressive mode today? argh.... shall think of happy thoughts... i will get my driver's licence by the 26th May... i will pass my driving indeed... and i shall go make my website now... come visit it and leave your comments la...

here's my webby addy... http://www.geocities.com/reggie_veggie2001/Regina_homepage.html

Thursday, May 19, 2005

dreams...

wrote my word for cell today... printed out a whole load paperwork...


i had a dream of him in my sleep last night... it was so weird... somehow i am wondering if it is simply just because i've been thinking too much about this person cos as the chinese saying goes 日有所思,夜有所夢。 In English it means "thoughts of the day becomes dreams of the night..." or if there is more to it than simply thoughts... it was a really surreal dream... i mean nowadays i have hardly dream, or remember my dreams when i wake up... but this dream is different... in my waking moments i can remember the things so clearly... wonder if he had a similar one... haha... but right now am asking God if it is more than a dream... argh! why am i seemingly plague by this? i always thought these guys are simply my friends? is there really NO good platonic friendship between guys and girls... *sigh*


the dream was rather weird... it was somewhat a camp or something... then as we all sat in a group, some girl was asking if he liked anyone at the moment... then he replied with... yes i do like someone and i know that that someone likes me too, but we are just too shy to do anything, and that someone is in the midst and hearing this now... then the group breaks up and go to their respective room... then funnily enough the two of us end up talking and the topic went to the someone issue that was discussed during the group chat... then the two of us told each other that we should talk to our leaders... and that was the dream cos once that scene ended i woke up as if clockwork... so this dream has been running through my mind for about the past few times since i woke... as i am typing this, it is 1220pm...


and since i've let it out of my chest, i must go back to work now... haha... i am such a slacker... and i shan't think about it anymore... if it is in God's plans it will come to pass... if not then so be it...